Day 28 - Inspiration

To sleep when you think your dreams are dying, you got to be actually dead. -Leo da Mirci.

It is 9 a.m in the morning now. I have not slept. I lied down to sleep at 5 o’ clock in the morning. Till seven, I could not sleep. My name was not on the list. I jumped out of the bed and wrote a mail to the Professor asking him to reconsider his decision. I was waiting for a reply, as if he would check my mail at morning 8 o’ clock and reply. I kept on clicking the Refresh button. I knew it. I had gone mad. 10 minutes and he actually replied. I thought it would be a positive reply. It was not. I cried. As if somebody close to me died. I did not cry or feel sad when almost every company kept on rejecting me during my Summer Internship placements. It was only five to ten minutes of sadness and not even a single drop of tear when I came to know that I did not get a PPI Call from the company where I did my summer internship, something which I was so sure of. But for this, such a small thing I cried. Academics never made me cry. But there are always first times.

Nothing. It was just selection for an elective, called Social Entrepreneurship. Something that is close to my heart. Everything that is close to my heart. I thought that this course is going to help me more than anything I have learnt, to achieve my dreams. Except my close friends, I never tell anybody what I want to achieve in life. Not even in my B-School interview. I actually had written a write-up telling the Professor my aim and even who is going to help me achieve it. I never even go plead a Professor for extra marks which I don’t deserve. When people do it, I feel like they are begging. Yesterday night after I found my name missing in the list, I thought of begging him to take me into this course. I would never talk to a Professor (or for that matter anybody) to build rapport just for getting things done for me. I think it is losing self respect which I value a lot. Yesterday night I decided that I would go down to any level to get into this course. Generally, I used to think a lot before getting any sort of help from friends. Yesterday, I even thought of asking one of my friends to drop out from the course so that I can get into the course.

He gave me reasons…. that social entrepreneurship is different from business entrepreneurship, that the selection was based on the write-up I gave; it would be unfair for others etc. etc. But my mind refused to accept all these. I replied him asking for an appointment to discuss it. The last resort… He replied immediately saying that I could discuss with him anything except this issue.

I cried again. It was as if I failed in the first step towards my dreams. As if, somebody else snatched my dreams away from me. I was jealous for everyone who had taken the course. All negative feelings rushed in. I started writing this blog. Then, my mobile rang.

She never calls me in the morning. Yesterday night we did not talk. So she called me today morning. I picked up and she said “Eppo kalyanam pannikalam (When shall we marry?)”.

Bloody ****. To hell with everything else…. Now, this course means nothing to me. Now, I don’t care about whether the course is offered to me or not. I can achieve everything even without this course. Nothing can stop me now. Even if nobody else is there with me, I will do what I wanted to.

Sorry....We will do what we wanted to.

There is much more that inspires than information. - Leo da Mirci.