Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Day 11 - A few poems...

Saying something that affects the reader's heart so much can be done only by very few poets. Thaboo shankar is one of them. His கவிதைகள்(poems) have touched my heart so much. They cannot be termed poems in the real sense but they have a poetic touch in them. The fact that most of his(all that I have read) poems are based on love makes them more romantic. His poems are generally directed towards an imaginery lover. The stories in his poems make you feel like "Why aren't such things happening in our life?"

Here is one for example. This is what is scribbled by the guy on the birthday present he gives her...


எல்லா நாட்களும் வருதப்படுகின்றன
உன் பிறந்த நாளாய் பிறந்திருக்க கூடாதா என்று...
Some other poems that I read recently from a book of Leo da Mirci are below.


இரண்டாவது ஹார்ட் அட்டாக்கே சீரியஸ் என்கிறது மருத்துவம்...
சுத்த பொய்!!
நான் எத்தனை முறை உன்னை பார்த்திருப்பேன்?
கஷ்டமான கேள்வி

என் கண்கள் தினமும் எத்தனை முறை இமைக்கும் -
கேட்டால் சொல்லிவிடுவேன்...
உன்னை தினமும் எத்தனை முறை நினைக்கிறேன்
என்றல்லவா கேட்கிறாய்!!


என் கற்பனை வளத்தை கொன்றவள் நீ
என் கற்பனைகள் உன்னைத் தாண்டிச் செல்ல மறுக்கின்றன...

நீ என் முன் வரும் காலம் தான் - எனக்கு வருங்காலம்.
நம் சந்திப்பு நிகழும் காலம் தான் - எனக்கு நிகழ்காலம்.
நீ காதலை மறுத்தால் மட்டுமே நிகழும் - எனக்கு இறந்த காலம். 

கனவில் ஒரு கேள்வி

நன்றாக தூங்கிக் கொண்டிருந்தவனை எழுப்பினாய்...
ஏனொ மருத்துவம் சம்பந்தமாக கேள்வி கேட்கிறேன் என்றாய்.
"உன் உடல் symmetricஆ?" என்று கேட்டாய்.
"ஆம்" என்றேன் சிந்திக்காமல்.
"இல்லை.இதயம் இடது பக்கம்" என்றாய் -
என்னை வென்ற பெருமிதத்துடன்...
"என்னிடம் வலது பக்கமும் இருக்கிறது, உன் இதயம்" என்றேன்.
"வெட்கம் கூட இப்படி வெட்கப்பட்டிருக்காது" என்றேன்.
"காதல் கூட இப்படி காதலித்திருக்காது" என்றாய் -
இன்னும் வெட்கத்துடன்.
அலார மணியோசை நீ சொன்னதை உறுதிப்படுத்தியது.


பார்வையில் அணுஅணுவாய் கதிர்வீச்சு பாய்தல்
விடைகள் கேட்டு விழி அம்பு எய்தல்
காகிதம் இன்றி (கேள்விக்)கணை தொடுத்தல்
உன் நினைவுச் சிறையில் என்னை அடைத்தல்
மோகம் பாய்தல் தேகம் சாய்தல் 
உள்ளம் கடத்தல் உயிர் கொய்தல் 
என் மனதில் தீவிர வாதம்...காதல் தீவிரவாதமா?

அத்தி பூத்தது...உன்னை பார்த்தது
பார்த்த நாள் முதல் - தினமும் பூத்தது!!!

Leo da Mirci would be more than happy to know what you think of his கவிதைகள். So please dont forget to comment.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Day 10 - From Chukku Kaapi to Cappuccino

This blog was written because I was left with no work to do after coming back from Café Coffee day today. I always feel that blogs are written by people who have nothing else to do, but write blogs. And blogs are written for people who have nothing else to do, but read blogs. So if you have nothing else to do, continue reading.

Café Coffee Days in my life!!! I can’t believe it. Six, seven years back I would never have imagined that such a day would occur in my life. Café Coffee day is supposed to be a place where high class people who didn’t know how to spend the money they had, go. But now I am there… I have changed a lot since my school days.

As I said in my previous post, I never talked in English till the end of my 12th standard. May be in my primary school we talked in English a little bit... (Since girls were there in my primary school we used to talk in English… Mostly it was the “You go girl.” “Miss this boy no… he is stealing my pencil miss” and “Miss this boy is pinching me miss” type of pathetic English.). Till I went to college, I never read an English newspaper. I never knew who Sidney Sheldon was. I never saw English movies. “Star movies” was considered adult material at home. I never talked to a girl. I don’t feel that I missed anything…But still because I didn’t have such experiences, I had to adjust a lot when I traveled beyond Cornigela, my place.

Born in Cornigela, an ordinary conservative town, even Chennai took a lot of time for me to adjust. My home town was too cool. You could watch movies for 15 Rs. in an AC theatre. You get the best food at lowest prices. You can drink water wherever you want and it doesn’t affect you. Girls never wear T-shirts or Jeans. You can see girls in half-sarees. And there were a lot more things that were cool to me…My first costly experience as far as I can remember was my first Pizza.

In my 12th standard holidays I had my first Pizza. We, a group of 5 friends went to a bakery. It was around 7 p.m at night. We ordered our first Pizza (only one because it costed so much - 20Rs!!!). As the Pizza arrived one of the guys started using his hand to take out a piece. “Ley” ….The others shouted… “asingam pannatheylae. Fork kudupaanga”… We got 5 forks for eating one Pizza. Everybody tried taking out a piece with the fork. Nobody was successful. Stupid forks… As we were trying different methods, two girls came in, and took the table adjacent to ours. They seemed to be from the so called high class families in Cornigela. They ordered a Pizza. We were still trying to eat ours. Their Pizza arrived in their table. Unable to find a solution, we looked at them for one. One of the girls took out a piece with her hand and started eating it. Damn stupids we were!!! But what do we do now?? We can’t go back to the hand-intake method… We are brave!!! Luckily for us the power went off… Forks were put down and everybody started picking a piece with the hand. Our sole aim- finish it off before power comes back!!! Unlucky for us, power came back immediately… We had a piece each in our hands… The girls started laughing… People around us realizing what had happened too joined them…We promised we would never eat Pizzas again. But we all did.

The first change in lifestyle for me occurred in Chennai. Chennai was completely different. Watching a movie for Rs.40 was a one time life experience for most people in my village. I had to adapt to such things since I had to be a part of the group. Otherwise you feel let out. My habits started changing. For example, you look into the glass before drinking water to check whether it is clean. I went to my first Coffee Pub in Chennai. I remember saying some time back “Loosu paya thaan Coffee publa poi mukkaa manineram wait panni oru black coffeeya 50 Ruba kaasu kuduthu kudippaan” - I did it…

If Chennai was difficult for me, how easy would be an MBA school? I was dumbstruck with the culture… The Hi’s and the fundoo English speaking guys were all a great change, though I had expected it. There is a sense of hollowness when you say a Hi to somebody here. In Cornigela a smile was enough to say what you feel. There is real sense of belonging in a smile. I miss it - a smile without a Hi.

Here is an example to show how my family mindset is different from the mindset here. At the end of the first term when I went home, I showed quite a few photographs to my parents. In one photograph there was a guy who had his arms around a girl’s shoulder. My mother asked me whether they were in love. I said “No”. But even today she doesn’t believe me. She still feels that they are in love!!! If only she comes here(…

The mind works mechanically here - after you crack a joke you do what they call high fives!!! When you meet a person you ask something like “What’s up buddy?”- Only God knows how you are supposed to answer for such a question!!! You say “Excuse me” after a sneeze - What big mistake have you made to say that?? When you are ready to sacrifice ethics for grades and see even your closest friend as a competitor in group discussions, how much difference will that Excuse me make? Pretty difficult to adjust!!!

Even Café Coffee Days and costly dinners sometimes hurt. Daily my father takes a bus to reach home from his office because taking an auto would cost him Rs.30. He walks a kilometer daily from the bus stop to my house. When I think of that and the fact that I am spending Rs.50 for a Chocolate Fantasy, I feel uneasy. Definitely it is not a matter of money. The fact is that I somewhere in my heart feel that this is not really who I am…The fact that I have changed a lot hurts… I want to be the same myself, but I am unable to do so.

Started listing down a few things that have changed in my life. The left column is a list of things that were part of my life before I entered college. And the right are those that I came to know/were a part of my after I entered college.

I wish I go back to school and be the same guy I was. I know I can’t. But I want to do it and live the same life all again.

Leo da Mirci once said, “I love what I do because I do only what I love”.

If only following something is as simple as saying something!!!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Day 9 - Ambigrams & Anagrams

A decision I took during my school days has been following me like a ghost till today and has been haunting me every now and then. During my school days for reasons unknown, I hd decided that I will not speak in English ever. This followed the very simple logic that one can live in this world without reading English novels or speaking in English. We are Tamilians, aren’t we?? We, at school used to make fun of all those guys who uttered even one word in English and called them all fools… Later I realized (during my campus intervews in college) who the real fool was…I realized that I had to improve my spoken English skils and vocabulary a lot. Though I have worked hard evr since I came out of college, I find it difficult to give a presentation even now. However there has been tremendous improvement between now and then. The biggest learning for me was that one shoul never underestimate the power of knowledge.

Ever since I started reading English novels (which was from October 2004), I have tried to find time to read more and more. So now I have got a chance to say Sidney Sheldon or Jeffrey Archer when somebdy asks who my favourite author is, instead of saying something like RajeshKumar or Sujatha, which is the truth. Ambigrams in Angels and Demons and anagrams in Da Vinci Code fascinated me like anything. Crypti crosswords, palindromes - everything in English fascinated me. I have always wanted to design an ambigram out of my name. Finally I did it. Though it might not be perfect, I have put it in here for you…

Coming back to the underestimation of power of knowledge,

Leo da Mirci often says that this happened in Mahabharatha… I don’t know how far it is true…

Dhuriyodhana underestimated the Paandavs because they were very few in number. He used to often make fun of them saying that the battle at Kurushetra was a battle between a few Paandavs and the mighty Gauravs. He failed to understand the fact that though the Paandavs were a few in numbers, they had the information and ability and also the power of Lord Krishna with them. Finally after Gauravs lost the battle, Krishna went to Dhuriyodhana and said,

“Now we few won”

- Now, that’s a palindrome to end this blog.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Day 8 - Once upon a time in Decilorf

Get them as friends who want to get you as friends” – Leo da Mirci often says.

This year didn’t start well for me, at least in this regard. I broke the first New Year resolution I ever made, and that too in a day. I couldn’t wish the first person I wanted to wish. I didn’t wish my best friend on his birthday. I didn’t make the only call I want to make in life and the first journey I made this year made me feel lonely. Really I feel like getting back on time and trying to start the year better.

Every year is strange to me. Every day is strange to me. They start different, they give me different experiences and end different. Today too was. I feel like I am back to grad. college days. I am awake when the day starts, I cut morning classes, I don’t study for exams and finally now I am hearing ‘Ninaivugal nenjinil pudhaindhadhanaal’ from Autograph.

‘Enai vaasikka mannil evarumillai
Enakke enakke ennai pidikkavillai
Kaaranam kettaal theriyavillai’

I feel like I want to go another world. I have always wanted to be in a different world. It is a world where everybody is equal. I call this place Decilorf.

There is no competition, hatred or injustice there. People fly with the wind and walk over the sea. Everybody understands every language. Nobody owns anything. Everything is available free of cost. Wherever you go you get a house to stay and whenever you want you get food to eat. Diseases, infections and viruses don’t exist. You get medicine to lessen your sorrows. There are no exams, cases, GDs and interviews. All jobs are paid the same. You get “Ananda Vikatan” all the time.  

You can go home whenever you want, in a second. You can talk to your parents whenever you want. You can go back on time and apologize for your mistakes. You can go back on time and correct your mistakes. You can go back on time and mend relationships. Friends are always there for you. Friends never complain. Friends are committed. Friends don’t commit mistakes.

You can be at two places at the same time. When you have classes you still can be eating dinner with your parents. Mobile phones do not interrupt you when you want to be alone. Mobile phones do not interrupt others when you want them to be with you. Children play games, play games and only play games. Children are always happy and parents are never unhappy with their children. Nobody smokes, nobody drinks and nobody misbehaves there. Everyone knows every other person. Everyone loves every other person.

And finally the only two things that I fear in my life don’t happen in Decilorf…

Death of the people I love most and death (rejection) of my love.

The following is a dialogue between me and Leo da Mirci a few months before he went on Coma.
Leo: I loved my girl so much that I couldn’t express it to her.
Me: Oh!!! the age old funda… Love can never be expressed in words... isn’t it?
Leo: No…No…
Me: Then what? You love your girl so much… and didn’t you want to experience the happiness of hearing a Yes from her?
Leo: Yes I did… But…still I didn’t propose…Because I would never ever want the experience of hearing a No from her…I was ready to sacrifice anything, for not hearing a No…I sacrificed hearing a Yes!!!

Of course like you I felt that Leo da Mirci is a coward…But still sometimes I feel that he is brave to take such a decision.