Friday, December 09, 2011

Day 48 - Why this Kolaveri

The title of this blog was decided after such long thought. Long thought which was so long that it was longer than the longest thought I ever had. The intent was to try to come up with something really good since I am blogging after long. So long that it is longer than the longest gap between any two posts in my blog. Looking at it deeply, so deep that it is deeper than the deepest I have ever looked, I understand one thing - this long gap has made a big difference in my life. Big difference that it is bigger than the biggest difference ever in my life. I can probably say that I have changed a lot. So big a change that it is bigger………. I mean…. I hope you would understand what I am trying to convey…… I mean…. I have become so crazier that I am now crazier than the most craziest I ever was. And that is true – literally for those who know me personally :)

1273 days since I blogged. So what do I blog? Decided to blog the most trending thing with the minor hope that some of you would come back and visit my blog.

So, why this “kolaveri”? As in, why is the term kolaveri in this blog? For those of who don’t understand Tamil, kolaveri means “Which f*****g planet are you in?”. For those who don’t understand Tamil and still reading inspite of the insult, thinking that I am going to explain kolaveri - “Which f*****g planet are you in? && Go and f*****g google” If you are going to leave this blog now thinking that I am actually insulting you, for heaven’s sake please understand one thing - you are actually insulting youtube, facebook, Dhanush, IIM Bangalore and the Gujaratis – every one of them. If still it does not mean anything to you, just wait for the Oxford list of words added for the next year. And also understand that the ****’s above are dedicated to Kapil Sibal. Seriously sir - you can do it yourself.

Back to the topic. Here is the reason why this blog is named kolaveri. Inspired from the Chennai City traffic police’s advertisement on driving safe captioned Why this kolaveri?, here goes a list of things that create a kolaveri in me in increasing order of kolaveri. This list does not contain sappa matters like girlfriend suspecting you, you suspecting girlfriend, both of these, girlfriend breaking up, friend picking up girlfriend, both of these, your reportees talking behind your back, you boss talking in front of you, both of these, villain raping the heroine, hero doing the same in the next song, both of these and all similar sappa both of theses. Btw, I have not checked if sappa is googleable and an adjoint question that comes to my mind is how ponnambalam can keep on failing in raping every time – absolutely no strategy and no effort put in proper L&D. Ok - all rambling done. Now to the main matter. In increasing order of kolaveri generation (generation not as in 3G and not as in Baby boomer and not as in Star Trek)…

Sorry - this time seriously I am done with the rambling . To the main matter. In increasing order of kolaveri generation (10 being the highest) the events are -

  1. When an IT guy who can spend 500 bucks for a dinner, haggles for 10 rupees with a good auto driver. He might not actually spend it on drinks sir. Sometimes believe. Start giving rom tomorrow. You won’t feel bad at all.

  2. When the retail shop guy keeps walking behind you instead of installing a camera.

  3. Mullaiperiyar dam supporters on facebook. For all states of the matter.

  4. When you see people who fake rent receipts but have the guts to talk about the Tiharians. Shut up - Dot

  5. When someone tells you that ‘Seventh Sense’ is better than ‘Velayudham’. Really makes you think about their sixth.

  6. Sachin getting out in the nineties (both as an year and as a score - when he was our only hope then and when we are still are waiting for the 100th now)

  7. When somebody shares Rajnikanth jokes. Like youtube Hitler says - you guys have no creativity and you are simply copy cats. For reference, check Chuck Norris facts. This is excluding the guy who made Chitti carry G.One. He would have been the "God of Creativity" if Rajnikanth did not exist.

  8. Whenever Arnab Goswami talks. Whenever. Whatever. However. I am not sure about wherever though – will have to check.

  9. When the church makes you think that the God would cleanse your sins with four Hail Mary’s and two Our father in Heaven’s. When you think people can believe that. The whole concept of Confession.

  10. When the roads are filled with idiots. Signals. Horns. Horns before signals. U turns. One ways. Buses. Autos. Left turns from right. Right turns from left. A whole lot of things that happen on roads.

Please add. There are still more, lot more. I wish I can give each one of these guys 14 million hits.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Day 47 - Run, rabbit run!!!

In history you can see that some poets were not appreciated in their present but in the future. You have created history!!! Future history would tell that you were neither appreciated in your present nor in your future but only if there were a past!!!

Leo da Mirci after reading Run, rabbit run!!! - my first attempt in English poetry.

Run, rabbit run!!!
The world is now asleep - this is the time to run!!
Run, rabbit run!!!

Simple is complex; Eyes are always shut
Movie in the clouds; Stars are in the sky
Let the end be dead; On the muddy bed
You Run, rabbit run!!!

Four is only four - Five is always better
Time is in the soul - Experiences bitter
Listen to the heart - no better art
And you Run, rabbit run!!!

Pie is what you want; not an end to it
Chuckle in the dark; leave behind a mark
Funny is thy name; Life is all a game
You Run, rabbit run.

Thanks Satin Gates for inspiring me with the title!!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Day 46 - The Ashes!!!

“Be clever about what you tell others. You interpretation is always different from theirs. It is important to make sure that your words follow their dictionary” - Leo da Mirci in his famous “Goback Address” to King Alexander in 326 BC (when Alexander started to Greece after giving back Porus his kingdom).

Let us come to the story of the Ashes.

If I don’t want to brag about that day, I should say “I was just a celebrity”. One out of 100 odd in the country who were selected to carry the Olympic torch for India. I was lucky - but I believed that I deserved it - I did something that many people would want to do but would convince themselves saying “I do not have time”. Anyways, this story is not about that. This is about the Ashes(Ash as I was named and Ash as India knows).

I saw her first in the hotel – the night before the Olympic torch relay. Aishwarya Rai was staying in the same hotel as mine - Maurya Sheraton. Similar suite as mine - they said. She passed us into the lift and I just got a glimpse of her. A bunch of 4 kids who were torch bearers were literally begging the organizers to arrange a meeting with her. My ego said “You are in no ways less than her. They are kids and you are 22”. At that time the Oberoi guy was the temporary variable assigned to her and they were supposed to be the star attraction of the function organized after the relay. So I told myself - “She would be with the Oberoi guy and would have no time for visitors”. I convinced myself and went back to sleep. I did not have a good one.

My God!!! I forgot to tell you something. She was a little beautiful. Like the angels I had imagined during my childhood. Like what would define beauty and grace in my dictionary. Like the queen of any fairy land. And yes I did not have a good sleep that night.

Next day once I finished my leg of the relay, I was taken directly to the stadium where the function was to happen. The front rows were occupied by us alone – the torch bearers. Around 30-40 of us were there already. It was around 3.45 p.m I think. I had just finished talking to Mandira Bedi about her role in Manmathan (She asked me to 'Wait and Watch' without describing it – what else would she say about that stunning performance).

It was around 4 p.m I think. It happened. She came. In white and blue Torch bearer’s uniform - perfectly matching with her eyes. She smiled at everyone. The synonym for beauty in India smiling at us!!! That smile was worth a crore. Kids ran towards her. And I too did.

I went close to her. A lot of kids shook hands with her. I was in wonderland. In joy; my heart was enjoying the moment like a child who is eating his favorite icecream. I extended my hand and involuntarily - read again involuntarily - shook hers. Just like any kid would do. She turned towards me and probably saw a 22 year old guy. She gave me a harsh look and her blue eyes said it all - she did not like it. I turned back like a child who just dropped his favorite icecream. The happiness of the moment was gone. I went back to my seat.

The next day I was back to Chennai. Everyone asked me how the experience was. The first thing I said was “Aishwarya Raikae kai kuduthomla!!!” (“I shook hands with Aishwarya, you know!!!”). And it will be written so in history.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Day 45 - Sophisticated Englees

I wont be able to help if this blog is boring. I want to update my blog and I have nothing else to publish now. So here it goes – the boring blog of the month.

I am attractive uninterested. Usually when I am uninterested I mark a blog. Not for the history few months. Oh!!! That has become fake now. Am script…

I sense awful that I had not on paper no matter which. Seems like I am organization absent of thoughts for my blog. Every one the originality I had is left. Every one the cleverness I had is left. (Aren’t you thoughts how a great deal self-pride this &^%!# has!!!)

Inside some container, gravely – labor plunders you. The primary six months I wrote not anything. I haven’t been doing no matter which for the previous 2 weeks apart from analyzing a small piece of information – to be known to my chief executive (clearly from side to side my boss). Still throughout December when I was very full of activity I did not write and I felt that my aptitude to believe had left downward radically. At the present I am doing not anything. Motionless I be able to not believe. I believe the cause is since of labor force. I denote the information that I got to go to labor is spoiling me. I am almost certainly doing amazing that I don’t feel affection for. I will almost certainly be doing the similar till the finish of my existence. Allow us observe how belongings labor as occasion goes by. They speak occasion has the reply to every one question. Allow us observe. -Fad Labyrinth

Wondering what this is??? I typed the post below – wanted to make it a bit sophisticated and so started replacing all the words with the first synonym that Microsoft Word suggests. Check it yourself. It is a decent translation I guess.

I am pretty bored. Generally when I am bored I write a blog. Not for the past few months. Oh!!! that has become false now. Am writing…

I feel bad that I had not written anything. Seems like I am running out of ideas for my blog. All the creativity I had is gone. All the intelligence I had is gone. (Aren’t you thinking how much self-pride this &^%!# has!!!)

In any case, seriously – work spoils you. The first six months I wrote nothing. I haven’t been doing anything for the last 2 weeks except analyzing a bit of data – to be given to my CEO (obviously through my manager). Even during December when I was extremely busy I did not write and I felt that my ability to think had gone down drastically. Now I am doing nothing. Still I can not think. I think the reason is because of work pressure. I mean the fact that I got to go to work is spoiling me. I am probably doing something that I don’t love. I will probably be doing the same till the end of my life. Let us see how things work as time goes buy. They say time has the answer to all questions. Let us see. - Craze Maze

Leo da Mirci told me that Bill Gates tried this out once in his presence.

“Bill Gates… Is intelligent!!!” He typed.

After correcting the last two words Winword told him “Bill Gates… be clever!!!”

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Day 44 - Fun with Tears!

My friend recently cried when his marriage got into trouble. A long time since I have seen someone cry. I cry very often. Though the frequency has reduced a lot now. I cry even now - at odd times when I am stressed or when I watch a movie. But then – in the past, it was like almost for everything. At the drop of a hat (or a bat, cat or a mat - whatever) I could simply cry. I cried when I wanted to take piano classes, when I did not want to take Bharathanatyam classes or when I did not want to go to class. Or simply whenever I felt like it was too long since I cried. I have always been looked down by my friends for this reason. My dad makes fun of me every time I cry. Every time I come out of a cinema, there will be at least one friend who tells me "I don’t cry for such silly things. See (here he shows his eyes wide open)!!!" - as if he is some sort of a genius who can control his emotions as strong as the BCCI controls the ICC. I always felt like kicking these guys like a donkey. (Just for the heck of it I wanted to use the word monkey here – but then it would amount to self-racism).

I cried even while watching Lagey Raho Munna Bhai. Agreed… It is a comedy movie. So what!! I am not ashamed of it. Crying is fun. Real fun. I know. All the intelligent human beings in this world who cry a lot know this. The unfortunate lot that does not know this – makes fun of us. This blog is dedicated to all the criers in the world - who cry for each and everything.

Obviously this is how I have to start. I mean - everyone started when they entered this world. I believe that one’s soul is purified and his sins are cleansed once for all when one cries. The more you cry the purer you become. I see tears as sins and dirty thoughts from the heart flowing away from the body. I see tears as drops of guilt vapourised into thin air. I see tears as ears which could listen to our sorrow. I see tears as Parotta and Mutton Curry you get in Anjappar. John, in his writings to the people of the Earth said - “CRY, BABY CRY” (John is the Beatles guy; not the Baptist guy).

It needs a lot of effort to make the world realize the importance of tears. This world should understand what crying has to offer. Having hurt a lot by “After the movie remarks”, I feel that we should start with movies. I heard that Satyam Theaters, here in Chennai used mops to clean the hall after every show of Taare Zameen Par. We should have a lot of such good tear jerkers. On the other end of the spectrum (the Red end), we should also start making more movies like Aag which make people cry throughout the movie ruining their decision to watch a Ramgopal Varma flick. The best option would be to make a full length tragedy movie - featuring all the Meri Maas and Ammaas of the world.

In recent times, I see a lot of old aged intelligentsia daily in beaches laughing together as a group believing that they are going to live a day more if they keep laughing like this everyday. I am telling you guys(old aged)!! - you have been misled. Seriously!!! You guys should be crying out there. Get a group of friends, sit on the beach – talk about stories of how you daughter-in-law is hurting you with her words and how your son is planning to move you to an old age home. And then cry at frequent intervals. Cry with others. Everyone will have similar stories. Cry at least for half an hour daily at the beach. People will laugh at you. Don’t worry – they never cried when you were laughing there. They were laughing even then – they are just a bunch of fools who don’t understand “Crier therapy”.

Liek movies, we should change the way TV is watched as well. Instead of “Kalakka povathu yaaru” or “The Great Laughter Challenge”, we should have programs like “Azha povathu yaaru” or “The Great Crying Challenge”. You should share on TV, the saddest of stories that make the audience cry. The more you make them cry, the more their life gets pure, the more SMSs you get and the more Airtel’s revenues are. It would be really funny (I am sorry...really tragic) to watch Uma Riaz or Navjot Singh Siddhu crying as if the sky had fallen on them - even for the most tragic stories like missing tiffin boxes and students failing in their Second grade Hindi exam. Anyways, these hosts are used to it. It would be a good idea to have Mega Serial lead ladies preside over these programs. In case someone in the Studio fails to cry on hearing these stories the producres can gag them till they cry. This could even be commercially telecasted as a separated program Titled “Just for Cries: Gags”.

Every software company should have Tear Jerker sessions with all employees telling them how their jobs are at risk (just because TCS asked 500 employees to leave) so that they cry at least once a day. Variety Entertainement shows should give way to Variety Sadatainment shows in Colleges. All mobile ring tones should be changed to that old Crying baby tone – the one where the baby cries non stop.

And now coming to the last part(Ok!!! I hear it....Last but not the least). Deaths!!! Nowadays only the kith and kin bereaves on the death of a person. I say that this is stupid. We should start inviting friends, distant relatives (upto 470 kms by road) and most importantly enemies for deaths. We should book death halls and play songs like “Ponaal pogattum poda” and "Yaen piranthaai maganae" throughout the day. Everyone should sit down and narrate the saddest events that happened in their buddy, the deadie’s life. Finally someone should end the gathering by saying – “Such a good person. He always made people cry”. In this context, most importantly, people should not forget to call up music channels to wish others on their death. Be shrewd. Wishes in advance always carry more weight than belated ones.

Leo da Mirci also feels that crying is a great thing to do. But for a change he was a bit serious about it. This is what he says in his book “The Tragedy of Errors”

“Crying is the purest form of expression. Expressing one’s feelings. You cry only when you really are attached to something. Only when you really feel for it. The pure heart cries. Only the pure. That is why a baby keeps on crying - it has got the purest heart in the world. As you grow up you avoid crying - try to stop doing it. Your heart is no more pure. Only when you are old - when you realize the mistakes you made in your life, that you cant correct them anymore - you are back to crying. You heart starts searching for purity again. And you end your life with the purest heart”

Isn’t he true? And do you know the purest irony in the world invloves crying? Here it is:

“The mother's laugh when her child cries for the first time”.

So here is “Three Tears” to all criers. Go ahead and cry. Don’t worry about what others think. From now onwards, at least I wont.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Day 43 - Love Today

It’s true that things have changed a lot across times. For the better? I don’t know. Should we stop changing? I am not sure. But some changes do affect you. Don’t they? You accept them as they are. You can’t argue against them because you don’t have any rights to. But still they affect you.

It happened around 3 months ago. It was a Saturday. I was traveling in a local electric train from Chetpet to Tambaram. I think it was in Guindy they got in. A guy and a girl; should be around 19 or 20. The girl looked beautiful and rich. The guy looked otherwise. Like someone who earned daily wages. Probably he was dark, uncombed and had some metal chain around his neck - that is why my mind thought so. I have to change a lot, I thought.

I got a seat near the window. It was able to get a perfect view of them from there. It was a great experience to see them communicate. Silently, sometimes in gestures, sometimes only with their eyes. There was some kind of emotional feeling within me. "Love is a beautiful creation", I thought.

The girl had her notebooks with her. Probably she was in her Extra Classes now. The guy – did not seem like he had studied at all. How come!!! I thought. Screeech....The train came to a halt. My thoughts too... The family sitting opposite to me vacated their seat. As if they were waiting for it, the guy and the girl sat there – the girl near the window, directly opposite to me and the guy on her right.

He sat close to her. His dress touching hers. He took the notebook from her and said "Studying well illa?". She said "Give it back" and took it back from him. He said "Study well da" - with real concern. She smiled - with real happiness over the concern. I was looking outside - my eyes still watching them. It was time for something interesting to happen, I thought. It happened. He moved closer to her. Their shoulders touching, now. Uncultured fellow? Probably no or probably yes... everyone is... when it comes to this!!! She slowly moved to her left - giving a proper angry look at him. And then she turned her eyes towards me. Indicating him that I was watching. She knew that I was. I saw him give a sheepish smile and move back a bit. Still their dresses were in touch.

I thought about our culture for a second. Why they behaved so. A stranger is still invasion of privacy for us. Privacy is where no one is. I turned my eyes to the other side and looking outside, I smiled. How sweet the feeling of love is!!! I had great respect for her. Only a bit for him. But, I really wished they could be together for life. I was enjoying every bit of my journey with them.

Foul smell emanated through the windows. "Chromepet", I thought. People got down. Now, there werent many people in our coach. That is when it happened. Spoiling the entire experience...

"So tomorrow book at Mahabalipuram", she said. He said, "No we are not going there anymore". My heart stopped for a moment. She looked at him. That was an angrier look than the previous one – when their shoulders had met. She said "I shall tell my parents that I am going for combined study tomorrow night. Nee book pannu". And she was loud this time. Not worrying that I would hear them. He was strong this time - "No we are not going anywhere again till you finish this year. Study well" with genuine concern again. She looked at him – with genuine frustration over his concern. He kept talking – as if he was advising a little child on what was right and what was wrong. I was looking at them – directly, now. She was still angry. "I wont talk to you again. You don’t understand. We won’t get another chance", she told him. And then she turned her eyes to me, and gave that angry look direct into my eyes as if she was asking me "Does it bother you, you *******". I immediately stood up, looked sharp into her eyes as if I was telling her "Yes!!! And it is not me, but you who is a *****". I moved to a different seat.

I talked to Leo da Mirci the same day regarding this. And what he told me – still lingers in my mind. And I will never forget them.

It is up to oneself to decide what he/she does. What they did – I don’t want to get into whether it is right or wrong. But for you, my friend; there is a bigger learning. Never ever evaluate a person by the way they look. Goodness does not lie in how you look, how you dress or how you carry yourself. It lies only in the way you live your life. You really owe an apology to that guy.

Wherever you are I am sorry my friend.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Day 42 - Veeraachaami's Milion Dollar Questions!!!

This post introduces to you "Village Veeraachaami" a humble character from the Southern Frontiers of India. Unlike our genius Leo da Mirci, "Village Veerachami" is deeply ingrained in ignorance and believes that "Ignorance is bliss".

However Village Veerachaami asks too many questions. Yesterday Leo da Mirci was fed up with his questions since he was unable to answer them and asked me to redirect him to the concerned people. If any of you guys know their contacts please forward this to them.

The Million Dollar Questions!!!

To Kamal Hassan:
யுனிவெர்சல் ஹீரோ நீங்க தானே, அப்புறம் ஏன் மாதவன் வர்றாரு யுனிவெர்சல் Advertisementல?

To Karunanidhi:
நீங்க துண்டே போடாம இருந்தா நீங்க போடுற பட்ஜெட்ல துண்டு விழாதாமே, அப்படியா?

To Doctor Ramadoss:
உங்களுக்கு Degreeல Doctor பட்டம் குடுத்தாங்களா இல்ல மருத்துவர் பட்டம் குடுத்தாங்களா?

To Dr. Anbumani Ramadoss:
Doctor புள்ளைங்க நல்லா படிக்கணும்கற உங்க பாசத்த பாத்து, உங்கள Lovebell ராமதாஸ்னு கூப்பிட்டா கோவிச்சுப்பீங்களா சார்?

To Sachin Tendulkar:
World's most 100s மாதிரி, World's most 99s-World's most 98s எல்லாம் அடிக்க try பண்றீங்களாமே, மெய்யாலுமாவா?


கலர் TV குடுத்த மாதிரி அடுத்த தேர்தல்ல Fridge குடுக்கும் போதும் கலரா குடுங்களேன் please!!

To Vijaya TRajendar:

கடல்ல இல்லாத உப்பா
ஊறுகாய் இல்லாம மப்பா
Romanticaa நான் நடிச்சா தப்பா
சிம்பு தான் அடுத்த படத்துல எனக்கு அப்பா

அப்படின்னு statement உட்டீங்களாமே. Sema தில்லு சார் உங்களுக்கு.

To Shreya:

அந்த இடுப்பு எப்பவுமே ஆடுறத பாத்தா உங்களுக்கே கடுப்பா இல்ல?

Vijay TV Logoவ ஒரு நாள் மறந்து காப்பி அடிச்சுட்டீங்களாமே, நிசமாவா?

To Jayalalitha:
நீங்க resign பண்ணனும்னு சொல்றவங்கெல்லாம் resign பண்ண ஆரம்பிச்சா நாட்டுல யாருமே வேலைல இருக்க மாட்டாங்களாமே, Really??

To Sarathkumar:
தமிழ்நாட்டுல உங்க கட்சி மட்டும் தான் ஜாதி சார்பற்ற கட்சின்னு சொன்னீங்களாமே....எப்படிங்க தலைவா உங்களால மட்டும் முடியுது?

Hmm... I cant answer any of these questions. As Leo da Mirci believes in "Even the most foolish person in the world can ask a question that the most intelligent person in the world cant answer" Even I think that it's true.