Day 27 - Extremely Professional Management

Miss you, my old computer - You never gave me problems!

I was happily working on my laptop until some viruses/spyware/Trojan/worm or something of that sort attacked laptop and my laptop became slow. All I wanted to do was remove the viruses/spyware/Trojan/worm. (Why the hell does this Office autocorrect trojan to Trojan?)

• Start - action!! Try removing them using Symantec Antivirus. Does not work. Laptop still slow.
  
• Spyware doctor requires a crack. Go to seriall.com to find a crack. Get to know new spyware that can attack your computer.
  
• Think of what to do. Try all possible virus removal tools. Install ->Next->Next-> Next->Finish -> Run virus scan -> Msg says “All viruses removed”. Ha ha...
  
• Get the happiness you get when you see “All Out” eating mosquitoes in the television ads.
  
• Laptop still slow. As if it is smarter than you.
  
• Ok done. Decide to format the laptop. Get a new Windows XP CD from distant friend.
  
• Remove all data from C drive and store it in close friends’ computers. Format C drive and install Windows XP. Windows installed successfully. Laptop is fast.
  
• Install all applications and start using them. Takes 5 hours approximately.
  
• After one day, realise that you did not back up the data on the desktop or the one in My Documents. Additional bonus loss - outlook messages and favorites that you had added for the last 1 year.
  
• Two days later. Laptop is again slow.
  
• Somebody suggests -> “Dei, all viruses would have been in D drive. So what you do is full format.” Here is where the real fun begins.
  
  
• Buy an external DVD writer thinking that all data should always be DVD backed up. We can uninstall the OS any time, load any data and always have backup.
  
• Goddamn external DVD writer works fine. Write all data into Moserbaer DVDs. Find messages like some “Joliet format” not satisfied etc. etc. Learn to ignore hurdles.
  
• Name the DVDs Leo_DVD_001 to Leo_DVD_005. Be proud of your naming conventions.
  
• This time be smart. Write Outlook messages, data on the desktop and my documents to DVDs. Anyways forget Favorites again. Remember “Errors when repeated become mistakes”
  
• Time for Full format. Get the same Windows XP CD from same distant friend.
  
• Boot from the same XP CD and it says “******.sys” file missing. Kadaisiyaaha ithae CDil pona vaaram kaanappattaar. Was found last, previous week in the same CD. Missing since then.
• Look for a different distant friend. But same CD(Windows XP).
  
• Installs Windows XP. Asks for CD key. Eject CD, look for key on the CD and key in the CD key. The key does not work.
  
• Brain works at last. Get CD key from the other CD where the .sys file is missing. Key in and it works(finally)
  
• Windows XP installed successfully. Go on a tour with them free of cost.
  
• Install MacAfee latest version bought by institute. MacAfee’s Virus on Access Scan shows “Buffer overflow” every now and then. Just a sumaal praablam.
  
• Insert backed up DVD named Leo_DVD_001 into laptop’s CD writer (CD-RW/DVD R). Be proud of your naming conventions again. Imagine naming your kids like this.
  
• Find that the CD Writer says that …or rather it does not say anything. Leo_DVD_001 not detected. Take DVD out insert in external DVD writer. It works fine.
  
• Repeat previous step with Leo_DVD_001 to Leo_DVD_005. Get same result. Reliability checked.
  
• Consistency check. Take DVD to friend’s laptop. Same company laptop. Same model. DVD recognized. Folders recognized. But unable to copy files.
  
• Come back to room. Search on Web. IBM site says that some firmware has to be updated for all DVDs to be read in the CD writer. Now problem shifts to CD writer. Hence Laptop suddenly becomes fast.
  
• Look for firmware updation software(CD image) in the internet. Download it.
  
• Website asks you to burn bootable CD with image just downloaded. Go to IBM Recordnow. It does not have a burn image option.
  
• Get Nero from institute software server. The serial crack does not work.
  
• Get Nero CD that comes along the DVD writer. Install that. Serial works.
  
• Insert blank Sony CD. Burn the CD with bootable firmware updation image. CD written. “Burn process Successful”. Postpone naming part. It is no more a required convention or one to be proud of.
  
• Content check. Insert burnt CD again to check the content that was written. It is still a blank CD. Look up and say “Why” instead of “How?”. Actually hear Bernard Shaw saying “Don’t ask Why? Always ask Why not?”
  
• Try writing image again. Half way through message pops up. “Buffer Overflow”. CD gone. This is what they call “Burning”(my heart).

The final status phasewise as on August 19th 2006, 3:50 a.m

Phase 1: Problem Identification phase

Problem identification successful. Problem could be with IBM R52, Windows XP CD, Windows XP Product, Symantec Antivirus, McAfee, Spyware Doctor, Nero, RecordNow, Moserbaer DVD, Sony CD, HL-DT-ST RW/DVD GCC(My CD writer), Samsung DVD writer, Joliet, my naming convention or any combination of these. Might be with me too, seriously.

Phase 2: Problem Analysis

Too much to ask for at 3:50 a.m.

Phase 3: Solutions / Alternatives Identification

Repeat formatting, search solutions on the net, go to sleep, download Emttan Mahan songs, play minesweeper or blog.

Phase 4: Choose best alternative

Blog.

Phase 5: Implement alternative

Done.

Phase 6: Realization phase

Understand that the alternative chosen was wrong. So go to sleep.