Day 35 - Drink hot - feel cold

For me everything should be under control. Not under control leads to frustration. Helpless or Powerless => More frustration.

Yesterday I was not frustrated. Point is I was not under control too. Enjoyment. Too much. Last Feb drank 2 sips. This Feb drank heavily. First time experience. Excellent. Definitely the last time experience. but still too good. Conscious decision to drink. Taken few months back. ‘At least once in college’ theme. So nobody to blame.

Implications follow today. Lost good image about self. Depressed? don’t know. Some feeling. Not understandable. Lost an important bullet point in my life CV - “I don’t drink”. “I don’t drink” pride no more. Serious damage to self-image. Same feeling comes back again. Don’t know what it is. Yes. Past memories back. 15 year resolution over. Voices. Dialogues. Everything back. Comparing myself with…? No. Don’t. Stop. Afraid. Don’t want to be there. Enough. Divert mind. Tactics? Watch movie. Songs. What else. Talk to …? Afraid again. Don’t talk to anyone. Got it. Friends. Or 7G songs? Somebody is asking for the movie Minnale. Vaseegara. No. Not there. Don’t open that gate again. One is more than enough. Problem = I don’t think of me as good any more. No. You are making a hill out of a mole. You are always like that. Tomorrow it will be all right. Watch Kaadhal, TVS scooty and the school uniform. Smile. Will bring good memories. Ok tomorrow. Blog stop. Watch Kaadhal. Cant.

Think of good things that happened… Yesterday I was afraid of hangovers. Today no headache. Nothing. Be proud. You don’t have a hangover. Or is this? Yes…Yes..it is!!! 2 paragraphs of unnecessary nonsense. Thinking too much. The perfect hangover for me you know.