Day 31 - Friends are not forever...

Writing this blog made me realize how much I miss my friends; I mean those really close ones!!!

We all have friends…. At all levels, kinder garden, middle school, high school, graduation, post graduation and so on….But why do you still want to go back home and have a look at the small playground where you played cricket?

At 25, at post graduation level – you have friends who are close but they are still far… Here there are very few people who are so close to you, very few people whom you can trust and very few people you prefer to be with. You smile at everybody, laugh with everyone, seem to have a good time with everyone but still there is always this nagging feeling that if you were given a choice you would have chosen someone else. The competition is tough(not so tough though) that there is every possibility that everyone’s true self will be revealed some time or the other. And it hurts when it is revealed. You do not want it to be… There are always some truths that better remain hidden… But you still cannot avoid knowing that your friend thinks that you are competition and that there is the other friend who speaks behind your back. You stop speaking out your heart for the sake of being diplomatic. You put a mask to your face and smile at them everyday, justifying it by saying that life at the corporate level is going to be the same… A line is drawn with friends, even with close friends… It says what questions can be asked, how one should behave and the rules involved in the friendship. It becomes a kind of a contract, a contract which gives benefits to both the parties…

But, but only a few years ago it was so nice…..

Just think of those days, when you just thrashed out the guy who made fun of you and the friend who supported you immediately without even thinking for a moment. There were no stakes involved and there was nothing to lose. You could just tell anybody on their face that he was committing a mistake. You were allowed to hate people and announce it to everybody. You always had the feeling that there were friends with you and they are going to be with you till the end of life. Think of the number of times you told your heart, “Why are my parents controlling me.. One day I will stay with my friends”. You planned to open a shop together and live happily… There were people who were actually close to you… You can still remember those places you had gone together, the girls you followed daily, the bus which took you back to school, the first day film shows and parotta stalls where you never went Dutch…The kuttichuvar which was yours, the place where you go back and sit atleast once and watch the small boys playing during your holidays… Remember you were all divided into teams, played cricket among yourselves daily and then suddenly one day you realized the bonding among yourselves when you played together against another team…There are these people whom you actually care for…Those people whom you first call when you are trying not to cry… call them up and start crying but still do not feel ashamed about…Those people whose voice would bring you instant energy… Those people whose “sorry “ really meant something…The only ones whom you called up the day your itinerary back home is decided and said, “Makka I am coming home in December..Come da”. Those people who are the first ones you call when you go home for your holidays and say “Makka, let us go somewhere da. Oor suthi evlo naalachu”. Those people with whom you can share the darkest secrets…Those people who were with you when money was not a factor… Those friends whose salaries never made you jealous…Those whom you are reminded of when you watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Those people who were really close… Missing them all…

Those times with those friends were all happy moments. All this happiness was in school and college when I did not earn anything , when I did not have money…Now I don’t have that happiness. I do not feel that real sense of happiness even though people think that I am…Is it all because I started earning money? Is it because I have money? No, that is just an excuse. It is not because I have money. It is because I think that it is important for life.