Day 31 - Friends are not forever...

Writing this blog made me realize how much I miss my friends; I mean those really close ones!!!

We all have friends…. At all levels, kinder garden, middle school, high school, graduation, post graduation and so on….But why do you still want to go back home and have a look at the small playground where you played cricket?

At 25, at post graduation level – you have friends who are close but they are still far… Here there are very few people who are so close to you, very few people whom you can trust and very few people you prefer to be with. You smile at everybody, laugh with everyone, seem to have a good time with everyone but still there is always this nagging feeling that if you were given a choice you would have chosen someone else. The competition is tough(not so tough though) that there is every possibility that everyone’s true self will be revealed some time or the other. And it hurts when it is revealed. You do not want it to be… There are always some truths that better remain hidden… But you still cannot avoid knowing that your friend thinks that you are competition and that there is the other friend who speaks behind your back. You stop speaking out your heart for the sake of being diplomatic. You put a mask to your face and smile at them everyday, justifying it by saying that life at the corporate level is going to be the same… A line is drawn with friends, even with close friends… It says what questions can be asked, how one should behave and the rules involved in the friendship. It becomes a kind of a contract, a contract which gives benefits to both the parties…

But, but only a few years ago it was so nice…..

Just think of those days, when you just thrashed out the guy who made fun of you and the friend who supported you immediately without even thinking for a moment. There were no stakes involved and there was nothing to lose. You could just tell anybody on their face that he was committing a mistake. You were allowed to hate people and announce it to everybody. You always had the feeling that there were friends with you and they are going to be with you till the end of life. Think of the number of times you told your heart, “Why are my parents controlling me.. One day I will stay with my friends”. You planned to open a shop together and live happily… There were people who were actually close to you… You can still remember those places you had gone together, the girls you followed daily, the bus which took you back to school, the first day film shows and parotta stalls where you never went Dutch…The kuttichuvar which was yours, the place where you go back and sit atleast once and watch the small boys playing during your holidays… Remember you were all divided into teams, played cricket among yourselves daily and then suddenly one day you realized the bonding among yourselves when you played together against another team…There are these people whom you actually care for…Those people whom you first call when you are trying not to cry… call them up and start crying but still do not feel ashamed about…Those people whose voice would bring you instant energy… Those people whose “sorry “ really meant something…The only ones whom you called up the day your itinerary back home is decided and said, “Makka I am coming home in December..Come da”. Those people who are the first ones you call when you go home for your holidays and say “Makka, let us go somewhere da. Oor suthi evlo naalachu”. Those people with whom you can share the darkest secrets…Those people who were with you when money was not a factor… Those friends whose salaries never made you jealous…Those whom you are reminded of when you watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Those people who were really close… Missing them all…

Those times with those friends were all happy moments. All this happiness was in school and college when I did not earn anything , when I did not have money…Now I don’t have that happiness. I do not feel that real sense of happiness even though people think that I am…Is it all because I started earning money? Is it because I have money? No, that is just an excuse. It is not because I have money. It is because I think that it is important for life.

Day 30 - Never do it. It hurts...

I was trying to cry. I could not. Finally I started writing this and cried…

Nov 18 2006

“Some say that one should be a coward do it, some say that one should be brave to do it. But all I know and all that matters is that it is pain for everyone” - Leo da Mirci

If only I had known it earlier.....

I would have written a testimonial for you in orkut
I would have talked to you about the first train journey we had together and how much I enjoyed it
I would have told you that we friends often laugh repeating the comments you made during the journey
I would have told you that I laugh out loud reading your replies in the newsgroups
I would have told you that after reading your mudslinging format, I kept on telling friends that "He is a genius da... sema nakkal paaru"
I would have told you that your roomie often boasts that you are very sharp in understanding things
I would have told you that I loved the way you imitate our Finance Professor
I would have told you that you are one the very few persons whom I do not mind making fun of me
I would have told you that our first(and last) dinner with friends together was one of the happiest ones I had in life
I would have told you that your smile on the orkut profile photograph actually is so cute and childlike
I would have told you that I was in front of you when that photograph was clicked
I would have made fun of you saying that you forget more steps that you remember while dancing
I would have told you that I did not move much around with you but you were close to me
I would have spent the entire day with you
I know you would have made fun of me but still I would have told you how much I loved you
I would have told you that everybody on campus loved you
I would have told you that there are so many people who would be happy to be with you
I would have told you that it would be more pain for us than for you
If I had know it earlier I would have, would have... somehow stopped you...

You stupid, didnt you know that there are hundreds of people like me... who would have done all these...you could have told at least told one of them !!!
Goodbye da...

(For a friend who recently took a decision to end his life...)
Never do it anybody...It hurts...

Having been so close to what he did, I could not stop writing this....

Day 30 - Da Mirci Code II

“Part II of Da Mirci Code has no similarities with the Da Vinci code. Though the build up was too much, half way through creating the plot(??) I realized that Jyotika did not die in the climax and lost interest in continuing. I took more time thinking about this one than any of my other ones and hence it seems to be the worst one ever written by me. So here is just the gist of what I thought could have been the link between Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu and Kaaka Kaaka. Sorry to say that towards the end even I could not understand what the link was. It got too boring. Let me know if you really find any link.

- Leo da Mirci’s comments on Da Mirci Code Part II

Da Mirci Code Part II by Leo da Mirci

I have the feeling that Kaaka Kaaka is the next generation story of Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu. Back home, they call this feeling the Da Mirci instinct.

The following proof which has no evidence proves that Kaaka Kaaka is just the second generation’s story of Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu protagonists.


What could have happened

In Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu, Ilamaran and Amuthan are very close friends. Amuthan has two male children who grow in Keeranur. Ilamaran also has two children, a male and a female who grow near a village in Chennai.

The Amuthan and Ilamaran family:

Amuthan names his first boy Ilamaran out of love for Ilamaran (this boy is the Ilamaran in Kaaka Kaaka).

Ilamaran names his girl child Swati because of love for Amuthan (don’t ask me why). She is Swati - Devadharshini in Kaaka kaaka.

Amuthan names his second boy Srikkanth as he is a fan of Kris Srikkanth. (This boy is the Srikkanth, husband of Swati in KK - See the face similarity)

Since they are short of names by now, they decide to call Ilamaran’s boy child Paandya (Proof: See the voice similarity between Ilamaran of VV and Paandya)

Amuthan and Ilamaran adopt a child and name him Sethu so that he can become Paandya’s brother in Kaaka Kaaka.

They both make a pact that Srikanth will marry Swati. They write everything in a diary so that it can be used as a truth revealing instrument in the future.

The Raaghavan story:

Raaghavan sees Aradhana dead(Aradhana actually dies in the climax – their marriage clip was a graphics clip shown just so that the film does not flop). But he still remembers the promise he gave to Aradhana – “Ippola irunthu Neeyum Maayavum en sothu”. So he adopts Maya and brings her up. This Maya is the Maya you see in Kaaka Kaaka. (Proof: Can’t you see the face similarity between Aradhana and Maya!!!)

Raghavan marries again and gives birth to Anbuchelvan. (Anbuchelvan is 6 years younger than Maya and biologically they are not brother and sister and hence they can fall in love in Kaaka Kaaka – There is also one scene in Kaaka Kaaka where Anbuchelvan tells Maya “Enakkum unakkum oru 6 varusham vithiyaasam vera irukku”)

Raaghavan after killing both Amuthan and Ilamaran in VV comes to know about their children. By the time he reaches them, Paandya kills somebody and goes to Mumbai and Sethu had already become a rowdy. He brings the other children, Ilamaran, Swati and Srikanth and gives them to an orphanage and takes care of their expenses. He asks the orphanage owner to bring them up as police officers.

Suddenly one day, Raaghavan dies of lung cancer (Reason: After dying of blood cancer in Nammavar and Vaazhve maayam Kamal decides that he should die of something else). Suddenly the next day, Raghavan’s wife dies of brain cancer(i am running out of cancer types here). Maya is adopted by another family which owns a house inside a lake in Pondicherry. Anbuchelvan grows alone in his house (the house where he never opens the curtains).

The twist - Father’s diary:

Anbuchelvan reads his father’s diary and finds out that Ilamaran and Srikanth are growing in an orphanage. He calls them and asks them to join the police force. They form a team (naanga oru team!!!) and Arul joins this team (Arul is the son of Arun who marries Sandhya after divorcing Aradhana in VV). Also Raaghavan says in his diary that he should marry Maya to fulfill his wish (he couldn’t marry Aradhana and so his son marries Aradhana’s daughter - Balachander type father).

Srikanth reads his father’s(Amuthan’s) diary and finds out that it is his father’s wish to marry Swati. So he marries Swati. After some time he says “Swatiyaa thookitaanga Anbu”

Pandyaa reads his father’s diary and finds out that Raaghavan killed his father. He comes in search of Raaghavan and he finds only Anbuchelvan and no Raaghavan. He meets Sethunnaa. Soon Anbuchelvan kills Sethunnaa. Pandyaa decides to take vengeance on Anbuchelvan and kills Ilamaran, Swati, Srikanth & Maya (in that order). Towards the end, Anbuchelvan kills Pandyaa and Sathyaraj starts speaking…

Some secrets about Vilai Uyir endraalum – Gautam’s next movie…

Anbuchelvan’s daughter with Maya (secret daughter they had before marriage) is the Jyotika in Vilai Uyir Endraalum.
Swati and Srikanth’s son is the hero, Sarathkumar.
Pandyaa’s son is the villain. Sethunnaa son is the assistant villain.
Anbuchelvan dies of bone cancer. Sarathkumar reads Anbuchelvan’s diary and finds out that he has to marry Jyotika…. Paaandya’s son reads Paandya’s diary and the story continues…There is no end.


I am sorry if Leo da Mirci had bored you too much. Even I was.

Day 29 - Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu

Spoiler warning: Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu plot & climax revealed!!!

Leo da Mirci often says “A movie is one where I am in move after the V!!!”

I thought I should never review a movie on my blog or write anything analyzing a movie in my blog. But somehow after watching VV, could not stop writing.

The first half was excellent, sitting on the edge of the seat to know who committed the murders. But once the film entered the last one hour, it was nothing but a remake of Kaaka Kaaka (henceforth KK).

• Let us finish off the known stuff – Gautham, Jyotika, Harris, Thamarai, Vijay Antony etc. etc…


• Vettiayaadu Vilayaadu and Kaaka Kaaka - solli paarunga the tone is almost the same and the two words in each movie name start with the same letter (similarity konjam simple…. aaanaa powerful!!!)


• KK Srikanth is Amuthan here. In both movies he keeps on saying “Ila.. Ilaa”


• Amuthan in VV says “Raagahavaan….” in the same tone Paandya says “Anbuchelvan….”


• In VV, the voice of Ilamaran and his modulation is almost the same as Paandya in Kaaka Kaaka.


• In both movies, eppo paathaalum villains “Avla thookuvaen” “Ivala thookuvaen” nu sollittae alairaanga.


• The villains have long hair in both movie and they keep on repeating the famous three letter word in tamil!! (oth**)


• The meeting between Aradhana and Raaghavan on the road pavement is almost the same as the one between Maya and Anbuchelvan in the movie KK. Even a vehicle comes to hit Jyotika in both movies. However in VV she escapes.


• The climax is shot early morning in both movies. The bluish background color is almost the same.


• In VV during the climax scene where Raghavan meets Ilamaran on the top of a half-constructed building after the long chase, you can do nothing but remember Anbu and Paandya meeting in a similar place in KK after a long chase. Luckily in VV, we do not hear “Dei Tamilnadu Police!!!”


• Adyar Bridge….. in KK where Pandya and his gang are surrounded with vehicles from all sides and in VV where the body is hanged from the bridge. Even the time it was taken(the darkness) is almost the same.


• Paartha Muthal Naale - the song, if not the visuals reminds us of Ondra renda…


• Jyotika is kidnapped and held hostage. The villain calls the hero on his mobile and asks him to come to his place.


• Jyotika dies… (appa Jyotika saavula Gauthamku enna thaan santhoshamo!!!)

Even Kamal’s flash back reminded me of Vetri Vizha…(anothe VV) Amala, I think is kidnapped the same way in a van…

Gautham running out of ideas is adjustable, running out of actors (the same actors again and again) is acceptable, running out of dubbing artists and speech modulations is tolerable (Amuthan’s tone in VV, Pandya’s tone for Ila in VV etc…) but what is not at all tolerable is running out of names for characters – many names are repeated. (Maya, Ila etc…). I think there is a reason behind this (read last paragraph for the reason!!!).

Extra fitting

While I was watching the first half the murders reminded me a lot of the name “Ajith”. I felt that these murders, killing spree and everything – I have across somewhere in my life… A murder leading to the investigation of lot many murders that happened in the past, many people killed and buried in the same place, body parts cut into pieces etc…and somehow Ajith came to my mind again and again… I was afraid that I was some Ajith in my previous piravi who killed many people. Finally after a long time it dawned!!! JuinorVikatan… Anybody remembers “Kutravaali thappa mudiyaathu” by Ajith Aadhithyaa ? - a thodar on gruesome murders and how they were found out years after the killing. It was excellent…I was so interested in it that my parents stopped getting Junior Vikatan thinking that I would become a psychopath. Ok now, hte best part of this blog...

My next blog…

Vettaiyaadu Vilayaadu - the code points to Anbuchelvan!!!

Witness the biggest cover-up in Indian film history….It is so powerful….that men have died to protect it…and there are those who would kill to expose it. It is a message that has been hidden for three hours….. right before our eyes.

What if the one of Gautam’s greatest works in Tamil had the secret that could reveal a lot about another!!!

In my next blog… No matter what you have seen…….. no matter what you could see………. the journey has just begun…The secret is revealed!!!! The one that has been buried for generations…

Where Vettaiyaadu Vilayaadu ends Kaaka Kaaka begins – the truth untold!!!

Based on the Novel by Leo da Mirci -Da Mirci Code Part II !!!

Day 28 - Inspiration

To sleep when you think your dreams are dying, you got to be actually dead. -Leo da Mirci.

It is 9 a.m in the morning now. I have not slept. I lied down to sleep at 5 o’ clock in the morning. Till seven, I could not sleep. My name was not on the list. I jumped out of the bed and wrote a mail to the Professor asking him to reconsider his decision. I was waiting for a reply, as if he would check my mail at morning 8 o’ clock and reply. I kept on clicking the Refresh button. I knew it. I had gone mad. 10 minutes and he actually replied. I thought it would be a positive reply. It was not. I cried. As if somebody close to me died. I did not cry or feel sad when almost every company kept on rejecting me during my Summer Internship placements. It was only five to ten minutes of sadness and not even a single drop of tear when I came to know that I did not get a PPI Call from the company where I did my summer internship, something which I was so sure of. But for this, such a small thing I cried. Academics never made me cry. But there are always first times.

Nothing. It was just selection for an elective, called Social Entrepreneurship. Something that is close to my heart. Everything that is close to my heart. I thought that this course is going to help me more than anything I have learnt, to achieve my dreams. Except my close friends, I never tell anybody what I want to achieve in life. Not even in my B-School interview. I actually had written a write-up telling the Professor my aim and even who is going to help me achieve it. I never even go plead a Professor for extra marks which I don’t deserve. When people do it, I feel like they are begging. Yesterday night after I found my name missing in the list, I thought of begging him to take me into this course. I would never talk to a Professor (or for that matter anybody) to build rapport just for getting things done for me. I think it is losing self respect which I value a lot. Yesterday night I decided that I would go down to any level to get into this course. Generally, I used to think a lot before getting any sort of help from friends. Yesterday, I even thought of asking one of my friends to drop out from the course so that I can get into the course.

He gave me reasons…. that social entrepreneurship is different from business entrepreneurship, that the selection was based on the write-up I gave; it would be unfair for others etc. etc. But my mind refused to accept all these. I replied him asking for an appointment to discuss it. The last resort… He replied immediately saying that I could discuss with him anything except this issue.

I cried again. It was as if I failed in the first step towards my dreams. As if, somebody else snatched my dreams away from me. I was jealous for everyone who had taken the course. All negative feelings rushed in. I started writing this blog. Then, my mobile rang.

She never calls me in the morning. Yesterday night we did not talk. So she called me today morning. I picked up and she said “Eppo kalyanam pannikalam (When shall we marry?)”.

Bloody ****. To hell with everything else…. Now, this course means nothing to me. Now, I don’t care about whether the course is offered to me or not. I can achieve everything even without this course. Nothing can stop me now. Even if nobody else is there with me, I will do what I wanted to.

Sorry....We will do what we wanted to.

There is much more that inspires than information. - Leo da Mirci.

Day 27 - Extremely Professional Management

Miss you, my old computer - You never gave me problems!

I was happily working on my laptop until some viruses/spyware/Trojan/worm or something of that sort attacked laptop and my laptop became slow. All I wanted to do was remove the viruses/spyware/Trojan/worm. (Why the hell does this Office autocorrect trojan to Trojan?)

• Start - action!! Try removing them using Symantec Antivirus. Does not work. Laptop still slow.
  
• Spyware doctor requires a crack. Go to seriall.com to find a crack. Get to know new spyware that can attack your computer.
  
• Think of what to do. Try all possible virus removal tools. Install ->Next->Next-> Next->Finish -> Run virus scan -> Msg says “All viruses removed”. Ha ha...
  
• Get the happiness you get when you see “All Out” eating mosquitoes in the television ads.
  
• Laptop still slow. As if it is smarter than you.
  
• Ok done. Decide to format the laptop. Get a new Windows XP CD from distant friend.
  
• Remove all data from C drive and store it in close friends’ computers. Format C drive and install Windows XP. Windows installed successfully. Laptop is fast.
  
• Install all applications and start using them. Takes 5 hours approximately.
  
• After one day, realise that you did not back up the data on the desktop or the one in My Documents. Additional bonus loss - outlook messages and favorites that you had added for the last 1 year.
  
• Two days later. Laptop is again slow.
  
• Somebody suggests -> “Dei, all viruses would have been in D drive. So what you do is full format.” Here is where the real fun begins.
  
  
• Buy an external DVD writer thinking that all data should always be DVD backed up. We can uninstall the OS any time, load any data and always have backup.
  
• Goddamn external DVD writer works fine. Write all data into Moserbaer DVDs. Find messages like some “Joliet format” not satisfied etc. etc. Learn to ignore hurdles.
  
• Name the DVDs Leo_DVD_001 to Leo_DVD_005. Be proud of your naming conventions.
  
• This time be smart. Write Outlook messages, data on the desktop and my documents to DVDs. Anyways forget Favorites again. Remember “Errors when repeated become mistakes”
  
• Time for Full format. Get the same Windows XP CD from same distant friend.
  
• Boot from the same XP CD and it says “******.sys” file missing. Kadaisiyaaha ithae CDil pona vaaram kaanappattaar. Was found last, previous week in the same CD. Missing since then.
• Look for a different distant friend. But same CD(Windows XP).
  
• Installs Windows XP. Asks for CD key. Eject CD, look for key on the CD and key in the CD key. The key does not work.
  
• Brain works at last. Get CD key from the other CD where the .sys file is missing. Key in and it works(finally)
  
• Windows XP installed successfully. Go on a tour with them free of cost.
  
• Install MacAfee latest version bought by institute. MacAfee’s Virus on Access Scan shows “Buffer overflow” every now and then. Just a sumaal praablam.
  
• Insert backed up DVD named Leo_DVD_001 into laptop’s CD writer (CD-RW/DVD R). Be proud of your naming conventions again. Imagine naming your kids like this.
  
• Find that the CD Writer says that …or rather it does not say anything. Leo_DVD_001 not detected. Take DVD out insert in external DVD writer. It works fine.
  
• Repeat previous step with Leo_DVD_001 to Leo_DVD_005. Get same result. Reliability checked.
  
• Consistency check. Take DVD to friend’s laptop. Same company laptop. Same model. DVD recognized. Folders recognized. But unable to copy files.
  
• Come back to room. Search on Web. IBM site says that some firmware has to be updated for all DVDs to be read in the CD writer. Now problem shifts to CD writer. Hence Laptop suddenly becomes fast.
  
• Look for firmware updation software(CD image) in the internet. Download it.
  
• Website asks you to burn bootable CD with image just downloaded. Go to IBM Recordnow. It does not have a burn image option.
  
• Get Nero from institute software server. The serial crack does not work.
  
• Get Nero CD that comes along the DVD writer. Install that. Serial works.
  
• Insert blank Sony CD. Burn the CD with bootable firmware updation image. CD written. “Burn process Successful”. Postpone naming part. It is no more a required convention or one to be proud of.
  
• Content check. Insert burnt CD again to check the content that was written. It is still a blank CD. Look up and say “Why” instead of “How?”. Actually hear Bernard Shaw saying “Don’t ask Why? Always ask Why not?”
  
• Try writing image again. Half way through message pops up. “Buffer Overflow”. CD gone. This is what they call “Burning”(my heart).

The final status phasewise as on August 19th 2006, 3:50 a.m

Phase 1: Problem Identification phase

Problem identification successful. Problem could be with IBM R52, Windows XP CD, Windows XP Product, Symantec Antivirus, McAfee, Spyware Doctor, Nero, RecordNow, Moserbaer DVD, Sony CD, HL-DT-ST RW/DVD GCC(My CD writer), Samsung DVD writer, Joliet, my naming convention or any combination of these. Might be with me too, seriously.

Phase 2: Problem Analysis

Too much to ask for at 3:50 a.m.

Phase 3: Solutions / Alternatives Identification

Repeat formatting, search solutions on the net, go to sleep, download Emttan Mahan songs, play minesweeper or blog.

Phase 4: Choose best alternative

Blog.

Phase 5: Implement alternative

Done.

Phase 6: Realization phase

Understand that the alternative chosen was wrong. So go to sleep.

Day 26 - She, a beautiful miracle

“The world is full of miracles. However, some miracles are the world for you. You are one such beautiful miracle”.

I wrote this four days before our first meeting.

“It is 3.30 a.m Sunday, April 2nd now. Only 4 more days to meet her. Only around 105 hrs to meet her. Actually I don’t want to wait here to finish my exams. Ippavae, I want to meet her. The cute little girl (kutti ponnu) I was waiting for, for four years.

She made me laugh. She also made me cry.
She gave me happiness. She also gave me pain.
She made me achieve things. She also made me lose things.
She made me love my ‘love’. She also made me hate my ‘love’.
She brought sunshine in my life. She also brought darkness to a small period of my life.
She is the reason for the best day of my life. She is also the reason for the worst day of my life.

But all that mattered was that she finally said “I love you. More than yesterday. Less than tomorrow.”

So whatever happens to the whole world around me, whatever happens to me & whatever happens, I will make sure that

She will only laugh, never cry.
She will only achieve, never lose.
She will only love our ‘love’ and never hate me.
She will only experience happiness, never pain.
She will only see sunshine, never darkness.
She will only have best days in life, only the best.”

She, I love you. I can’t live without you. I miss you.