Day 15 - Life and Love

My blog on Day 5 was after a mail I received that stunned me. This blog too is after a mail I received recently that stunned me(this time for a change it was good). A very long blog. So read only if you have enough time to.


Besant Nagar, Chennai - A few years back.

It was around 1 o’ clock in the morning. It was so cold. I was sitting on one of the steps in the verandah of the Besant Nagar church. It was filled with mud, papers and all kinds of dirty material. Swarms of mosquitoes were flying around me. There were a few people around me, sleeping soundly. I recognized one guy on the right corner of the verandah. Every week while coming back from the church, I used to pay a rupee to that poor fellow. ‘Now, I am sleeping in a place where he slept daily’. I couldn’t control anymore. Tears flowed down my eyes. I closed my eyes. No more tears. Sleep!!! Sleep!!! I slept there on the steps.

I woke up. It was 3.30 in the morning. I started walking towards the beach. I was alone in the beach. There was nobody around me. I thought, “What am I doing? Where is this life going?” The last few years had been pain. Nothing but pain. I needed a friend. I wanted to talk to somebody. But, nobody was there. A wave showered my feet. I saw the sea. May be it is calling me. I wanted to die. I wanted the waves to take me away. But… it would be more pain!!. Should I do it? No, I wont. I am not a coward… Or may be I am not brave enough to do it!! Tears…. again. I am going to do it. I stepped forward towards the sea. It was going to be the end.

Suddenly I heard somebody shouting. It was a policeman.
Yaarudaa athu?(Who is it?) - he shouted.

He started coming towards me. I knew what was coming. I took out my ID card. Before he could ask anything I started speaking.
“Sir, I am from this college”, I gave him my ID card.
“Intha timela ennappa panrae inga?” (What are you doing here at this time?).
His tone was soft now. Was it because he saw the card or because he saw my eyes?. I didn’t answer.
“How did you come here?”
“Bike sir”. “You are not supposed to be here after 10. Leave now”, he said.

I was surprised he didn’t ask any questions. He came with me to the church. I had parked my bike there. It was the only thing that had been with me for the past few years.

Finally he asked me, “Did you fail in your exam?”. I smiled...
“I have never failed in an exam”, I said. He looked back at me, confused. I started the bike. I took off to my hostel.

I did not asked the policeman’s name. I have forgotten his face. I don’t know who he is. It is ironic that sometimes, you don’t know some of the most important people in your life. Sometimes I think that God doesn’t exist. But he does.


Home - May, three months later

I was home for my summer holidays. Your results were declared that day. Whenever tenth standard or twelfth standard results are declared, I will be busy. People call up home, come home and ask me to get the results through the net. I got your register number as well, just one of the many I got.

Till that morning, you were just ‘another girl’ to me. The results started coming in. I saw your score. I told you the score. You were a district ranker. That meant being on newspapers for the next two days. I saw you jumping with joy. A little girl jumping with joy. I was happy for you.

My mother started telling me about you. I never cared to listen about any girl till then, for I thought no girl would ever look at me. I don’t know why, but I listened that day.

You mesmerized people with your speeches. You read all the books in the world. You were a celebrity in school. You were cheerful. You were beautiful. You played chess so well. You solved crosswords in moments. You loved puzzles. You never missed a quiz on TV. You fought for Vikatan. You loved reading poems. You painted so well. You were very intelligent. You were kind to people. You smiled, always. And finally you were so good at heart.

It was as if somebody was repeating all that I had in mind. The perfect person to share my life. The character I had etched in my mind, but felt that I was not worthy getting. You were the person I wanted to be in life. You were the person I wanted in my life. I knew nothing about you the previous day. It was as if I knew everything about you now.

Evening came. You came to my house. The first time I saw you so close. Smiling all the time. Happy as ever. You talked. I watched. Till then, I didn’t want anything in life. Now, I wanted everything in life. To share them with you. Everyday I came to know more about you, I started loving you more. And before my vacations were over, the unfilled part of the puzzle was filled. You got admission where what you wanted. You were going to be a !!!!!!

But………Unless I change myself I am not going to have a life with you!!! I changed.

I came back to college. I worked hard, harder than ever I had worked. For you. I changed. Letters to you filled up my diaries. I talked to you daily through them. I got a job. Only because of you. College was over. I joined my first job. I disliked it. I joined another. People at the job hated me. My diary was my sole outlet. All that was pushing me was you. I wanted to do something more. For you. I resigned my job.

I came home. I saw you. I talked to you. Very little. But that was enough. I spent the six months preparing for my MBA. I wrote my MBA exams.

I came home again. You too were at Cornigela. It seemed as if whenever I came home they sent you home on holidays. I worked hard. I read a lot. We talked a little about books. We smiled whenever we saw each other. I prepared for my interviews. Harder, harder and harder. You were there at your home all the time. Every day I heard your voice at least once. More letters went into my diary. You asked me to get a few novels for you. I got a lot of novels for you. You read them. So, I read them all. I worked hard, I had no worries, for you were there with me. I did well in my interviews. I got what I wanted. Admission for an MBA in a premier B-School. And then…… I saw a drawing of yours. A mother with a child. I cried… I took it with me wherever I went… I saw your face in that. I loved you more than ever.

I was in college after 2 years. I wanted to prove something for all that I didn’t do in my graduation. I had the drawing with me. It was enough to give me all the energy I needed. I became one of the top 5 in class. Something I would never have done if it hadn’t been for you. I watched episode after episode of Friends wishing that I would watch it with you one day.

I mailed you. I couldn’t wait. I mailed you again hinting that I wanted to share my life with you. You replied. But, you replied hinting that I was like a brother to you. You said you wouldn’t be mailing me back again for long. I cried. I took my diary to write a letter to you. There was only one page left. I opened my laptop to watch Friends. Only the last episode was left. It all seemed to be the end. I cried all day.

I came home for vacations. I couldn’t talk to you. The door was shut, I thought. It all seemed to be over. February 14th came. I drank for the first time in life. You are the reason for what I am now. And you might be the reason for what I will be in the future, I thought.

Two days passed. I got a mail from you. I couldn’t believe it. You wanted to talk to me. You wanted to chat with me. You said you will mail me every week. You said you wanted discuss everything with me. You said you had been longing for a friend like me. You said a lot more things. And finally you said, “Thanks for all the help you had done”…
Then, what should I say to you?


Two people. I know nothing about one. I know everything about the other. I cant remember one’s face. I cant forget the other’s. I will never meet one. I will never leave the other. Lots of differences. But both changed my life, forever. I will never forget them, never ever.

Day 14 on February 14

A moment in time when I am the happiest person in the world - occurred today!!! And it is time to celebrate it with a crazy blog.

After reading the last blog, Sathish told me, “dey…read your blog.. frank feedback.. its not interesting da..”.

Hearing that, I wanted to come up with a decent blog on February 14th. I wanted it to be titled ‘Day 14’. But, I couldn’t find time to write a blog titled ‘Day 14’ on February 14th. Now, if I have to come up with a blog titled ‘Day 14’ on February 14, I will have to wait for one more year. I can do that, but till that I will not be able to update my blog (for a year). So I decided that instead of waiting for a year, I will title my blog Day 14 on February 14. This way I will be satisfied that I wrote a blog titled Day 14 on February 14.

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A few funny facts about Valentine’s day that I swear you wont know…

Who is Valentine?

Valentine according to Webster’s dictionary is a masculine name. According to “Leo da Mirci”, Valentine is derived form the word ‘valence’ - the capacity of an element to combine with another to form a new molecule (which is obviously right). So the best choice for Valentine would be the element with the highest valency, possibly Osmium/Ruthenium with a valency of 8.

What is Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s Day is a time span of 24 hrs starting at 12 midnight on February 14th (inclusive) and ending at 12 midnight on February 15th (exclusive). Though Valentine’s Day is called Valentine’s day, we still can see that there is also a night on Valentine’s Day. This is a contradiction. Moreover, Valentine’s day does not belong to Valentine alone. It belongs to everyone. This is another contradiction. However, on Valentine’s day the sun rises in the east. This is not a contradiction.

When does it fall?

I pity February 14th. Every year Valentine’s Day falls on February 14. Won’t it hurt for February 14th, if something keeps on falling on it again and again every year? Somehow we human beings, having a humane mind should stop this occurrence. Anyhow, if you analyze the occurrence carefully, you will find that Valentines Day falls on February 14th, exactly on February 14th every year. This is an amazing coincidence. You will find nothing else that is coincident here, since I cannot think of anything else.

Why does Valentine’s day fall on February 14th?

Valentine’s day is all about the bonding between a female and a male. Shortly, F & M bonding. In the series of months, such a bonding occurs only between February that starts with an F and March that starts with an M. Of these, the first choice would be February. (because ‘first’ starts with an F and ‘February’ starts with an F).

According to Swami Shiv Shankar, a close friend of mine it falls on 14th because there are 7 days in a week and there are 2 people involved in love. But according to me, it falls on 14th because almost all the relationships of love start with a 2 lettered word HI. The first word the lovers speak is a HI. Now, use a calculator to find out that an inverted 14 will give you a hi.

How does Valentine’s day fall?

There are no exact answers for this question. Though scientific research is going on, the only thing that is sure is that the day falls as time falls. Time falls when your watch falls. Watch falls when your strap fails. The strap fails when water falls with force on it when you are taking bath. Water falls with force from waterfalls. Hence, Valentine’s Day falls like waterfalls.


That’s much info about Valentine’s day for now. Enough of crazy funda. This is what occurs to people when you don’t have a Valentine to celebrate Valentine’s days. Sema kadups!!!
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Finally, after too much of talk about ‘days’, another small interesting information about days in my blog.

As we all know, “the end of every day is the start of another”. Check it out in my blog. I have tried to maintain it throughout my blog.

Day 13 - Tsunami & Ponniyin Selvan

The second time I came across a reference to Tsunami happening in India, before it had occurred!!!

The first one was in the film Anbe Sivam where Kamal Haasan argues with Maddy that Tsunami can & will occur even in India. (Dialogues written By Madhan(Haai) of Ananda Vikatan).

I came across the second one when I was reading Ponniyin Selvan, a novel on the history of Cholas (during Raja Raja Cholan’s period). Ponniyin Selvan was written by Kalki in the early 1950s.

In the novel, Raja Raja Cholan’s father Sundara Cholan, in a completely different context tells his daughter,

 புயலினால் கடற்கரையில் தென்னை மர உயரம் அலைகள்
 எழும்பும். உள்நாட்டில் வெகுதூரம் கடல் பொங்கி வந்து மூழ்க
 அடிக்கும். காவேரிப்பட்டினத்தை அன்று ஒருநாள் கடல்
 கொண்டது போல் நாகப்பட்டினத்தையும் கொண்டு போனாலும்
 போய் விடும்.

The English translation would be something like,

“Storms will cause the waves on the shore rise to the height of a coconut tree. The sea will invade the land and submerge the whole place. Just like Kaveripattinam was destroyed by the sea, Nagapattinam might be destroyed one day.”

The novel also has a lot of references to such huge waves that hit the shores. The descriptions of huge waves, monstrous waves etc. are almost the same, except that they are not called Tsunami.

I just read it again and again to see whether it was really Nagapattinam that was mentioned!!! Having watched the damages caused by Tsunami right in front of my eyes in Kanyakumari, I was shocked.

Though references like these might be just coincidences, when you come across them after such tragic events, they shake you for a moment !!!

Day 12 - A Sizzling Puzzle

To comment on Leo da Mirci’s puzzles, one has to be a born genius. As one of Leo da Mirci’s fans all that I can say is “I love Leo da Mirci!!!” (If at all you understand what I mean…)

I recently solved the “Da Vinci Webquest”
(http://www.randomhouse.com/doubleday/davinci/index-ctc.html) after spending a lot of time on it. All the answers were available on the net, but still made up my mind that I am not going to look into them. Finally I had to get one answer from the net. However it was fun. Felt happy that I was able to solve all other questions on my own.

Just like Leonardo da Vinci, Leo da Mirci is also a master of puzzles. This is one of Leo da Mirci’s puzzles from his book “Sizzling Puzzles”. Try to solve it.

The Puzzle:

The American Doctor

I do claim reluctantly that I found a medico liar when I was in America. When I first met her she told me, "I do miracles!!”. She said she no longer believed in oral medicine. She said that she has an ideal micro-chip that, once fitted in human beings, can be a cure for all diseases. She also said that it provides purified air, melodic sound waves that reduce tension and a lot of other benefits to the human brain. She thought that I am a docile irrational human being who will fall for whatever she says, but I am not. Nor do I admire cold hearted behaviour like that.

However, her last experiment took place in front of me (her maid was the guinea pig) in her domicile, around five kilometers away from my place. Once the operation was over, the maid started walking normally, but suddenly the maid recoiled and fainted. “Madam”, I cried loud. All she said was, “She kicked the bucket”, an idiom I clearly understood. I seriously started doubting her medical origins. I started to dial Crime department’s number. The cops caught her and the next morning, she became a crime idol, America will never forget. Even now when I think of the incident, I panic, I dream lots about it and I can never forget it.

Question 1: Count and give me the number of me's. (lets call this number P).
Question 2: If you could finish question 1, you would have found the odd 1 out of the P-1. Think why P-1 and give me the number which is the odd 1.

Clue1: Me,myself !!!

I think this puzzle will appeal only to people who generally don’t put down their pens without solving a puzzle, once they start. I couldn’t solve the puzzle with the above clue alone. When you think of the clue 1, remember it is taken from Leo da Mirci’s book. Now, try it.

In case you find the answers please write only the answers (numbers alone) as comments. Don’t spoil the fun (if at all somebody thinks it is) by giving out the logic. I promise, I will really give the first person to write the right answers a big treat (a Regent or a GRT)!!!

If you still cannot do it with the above clue, look for the second clue in the first comment. Looking for the second clue will not take away the treat from you. (Obviously because I have no way to find out if you have gone for the second clue or not… So go for the second!!!)

Day 11 - A few poems...

Saying something that affects the reader's heart so much can be done only by very few poets. Thaboo shankar is one of them. His கவிதைகள்(poems) have touched my heart so much. They cannot be termed poems in the real sense but they have a poetic touch in them. The fact that most of his(all that I have read) poems are based on love makes them more romantic. His poems are generally directed towards an imaginery lover. The stories in his poems make you feel like "Why aren't such things happening in our life?"


Here is one for example. This is what is scribbled by the guy on the birthday present he gives her...

பிறந்தநாள்

எல்லா நாட்களும் வருதப்படுகின்றன

உன் பிறந்த நாளாய் பிறந்திருக்க கூடாதா என்று...

Some other poems that I read recently from a book of Leo da Mirci are below.

பொய்

இரண்டாவது ஹார்ட் அட்டாக்கே சீரியஸ் என்கிறது மருத்துவம்...
சுத்த பொய்!! 

நான் எத்தனை முறை உன்னை பார்த்திருப்பேன்?

கஷ்டமான கேள்வி



என் கண்கள் தினமும் எத்தனை முறை இமைக்கும் -
கேட்டால் சொல்லிவிடுவேன்...

உன்னை தினமும் எத்தனை முறை நினைக்கிறேன்
என்றல்லவா கேட்கிறாய்!!

கற்பனை

என் கற்பனை வளத்தை கொன்றவள் நீ

என் கற்பனைகள் உன்னைத் தாண்டிச் செல்ல மறுக்கின்றன...

காலங்கள்...

நீ என் முன் வரும் காலம் தான் - எனக்கு வருங்காலம்.

நம் சந்திப்பு நிகழும் காலம் தான் - எனக்கு நிகழ்காலம்.

நீ காதலை மறுத்தால் மட்டுமே நிகழும் - எனக்கு இறந்த காலம். 

கனவில் ஒரு கேள்வி

நன்றாக தூங்கிக் கொண்டிருந்தவனை எழுப்பினாய்...

ஏனொ மருத்துவம் சம்பந்தமாக கேள்வி கேட்கிறேன் என்றாய்.

"உன் உடல் symmetricஆ?" என்று கேட்டாய்.

"ஆம்" என்றேன் சிந்திக்காமல்.

"இல்லை.இதயம் இடது பக்கம்" என்றாய் -
என்னை வென்ற பெருமிதத்துடன்...

"என்னிடம் வலது பக்கமும் இருக்கிறது, உன் இதயம்" என்றேன்.

வெட்கப்பட்டாய்...

"வெட்கம் கூட இப்படி வெட்கப்பட்டிருக்காது" என்றேன்.

"காதல் கூட இப்படி காதலித்திருக்காது" என்றாய் -
இன்னும் வெட்கத்துடன்.

அலார மணியோசை நீ சொன்னதை உறுதிப்படுத்தியது.

தீவிரவாதம்

பார்வையில் அணுஅணுவாய் கதிர்வீச்சு பாய்தல்

விடைகள் கேட்டு விழி அம்பு எய்தல்

காகிதம் இன்றி (கேள்விக்)கணை தொடுத்தல்

உன் நினைவுச் சிறையில் என்னை அடைத்தல்

மோகம் பாய்தல் தேகம் சாய்தல் 

உள்ளம் கடத்தல் உயிர் கொய்தல் 

என் மனதில் தீவிர வாதம்...காதல் தீவிரவாதமா?
 

அத்திப்பூ

அத்தி பூத்தது...உன்னை பார்த்தது 

பார்த்த நாள் முதல் - தினமும் பூத்தது!!!

Leo da Mirci would be more than happy to know what you think of his கவிதைகள். So please dont forget to comment.

Day 10 - From Chukku Kaapi to Cappuccino

This blog was written because I was left with no work to do after coming back from Café Coffee day today. I always feel that blogs are written by people who have nothing else to do, but write blogs. And blogs are written for people who have nothing else to do, but read blogs. So if you have nothing else to do, continue reading.

Café Coffee Days in my life!!! I can’t believe it. Six, seven years back I would never have imagined that such a day would occur in my life. Café Coffee day is supposed to be a place where high class people who didn’t know how to spend the money they had, go. But now I am there… I have changed a lot since my school days.

As I said in my previous post, I never talked in English till the end of my 12th standard. May be in my primary school we talked in English a little bit... (Since girls were there in my primary school we used to talk in English… Mostly it was the “You go girl.” “Miss this boy no… he is stealing my pencil miss” and “Miss this boy is pinching me miss” type of pathetic English.). Till I went to college, I never read an English newspaper. I never knew who Sidney Sheldon was. I never saw English movies. “Star movies” was considered adult material at home. I never talked to a girl. I don’t feel that I missed anything…But still because I didn’t have such experiences, I had to adjust a lot when I traveled beyond Cornigela, my place.

Born in Cornigela, an ordinary conservative town, even Chennai took a lot of time for me to adjust. My home town was too cool. You could watch movies for 15 Rs. in an AC theatre. You get the best food at lowest prices. You can drink water wherever you want and it doesn’t affect you. Girls never wear T-shirts or Jeans. You can see girls in half-sarees. And there were a lot more things that were cool to me…My first costly experience as far as I can remember was my first Pizza.

In my 12th standard holidays I had my first Pizza. We, a group of 5 friends went to a bakery. It was around 7 p.m at night. We ordered our first Pizza (only one because it costed so much - 20Rs!!!). As the Pizza arrived one of the guys started using his hand to take out a piece. “Ley” ….The others shouted… “asingam pannatheylae. Fork kudupaanga”… We got 5 forks for eating one Pizza. Everybody tried taking out a piece with the fork. Nobody was successful. Stupid forks… As we were trying different methods, two girls came in, and took the table adjacent to ours. They seemed to be from the so called high class families in Cornigela. They ordered a Pizza. We were still trying to eat ours. Their Pizza arrived in their table. Unable to find a solution, we looked at them for one. One of the girls took out a piece with her hand and started eating it. Damn stupids we were!!! But what do we do now?? We can’t go back to the hand-intake method… We are brave!!! Luckily for us the power went off… Forks were put down and everybody started picking a piece with the hand. Our sole aim- finish it off before power comes back!!! Unlucky for us, power came back immediately… We had a piece each in our hands… The girls started laughing… People around us realizing what had happened too joined them…We promised we would never eat Pizzas again. But we all did.

The first change in lifestyle for me occurred in Chennai. Chennai was completely different. Watching a movie for Rs.40 was a one time life experience for most people in my village. I had to adapt to such things since I had to be a part of the group. Otherwise you feel let out. My habits started changing. For example, you look into the glass before drinking water to check whether it is clean. I went to my first Coffee Pub in Chennai. I remember saying some time back “Loosu paya thaan Coffee publa poi mukkaa manineram wait panni oru black coffeeya 50 Ruba kaasu kuduthu kudippaan” - I did it…

If Chennai was difficult for me, how easy would be an MBA school? I was dumbstruck with the culture… The Hi’s and the fundoo English speaking guys were all a great change, though I had expected it. There is a sense of hollowness when you say a Hi to somebody here. In Cornigela a smile was enough to say what you feel. There is real sense of belonging in a smile. I miss it - a smile without a Hi.

Here is an example to show how my family mindset is different from the mindset here. At the end of the first term when I went home, I showed quite a few photographs to my parents. In one photograph there was a guy who had his arms around a girl’s shoulder. My mother asked me whether they were in love. I said “No”. But even today she doesn’t believe me. She still feels that they are in love!!! If only she comes here(…

The mind works mechanically here - after you crack a joke you do what they call high fives!!! When you meet a person you ask something like “What’s up buddy?”- Only God knows how you are supposed to answer for such a question!!! You say “Excuse me” after a sneeze - What big mistake have you made to say that?? When you are ready to sacrifice ethics for grades and see even your closest friend as a competitor in group discussions, how much difference will that Excuse me make? Pretty difficult to adjust!!!


Even Café Coffee Days and costly dinners sometimes hurt. Daily my father takes a bus to reach home from his office because taking an auto would cost him Rs.30. He walks a kilometer daily from the bus stop to my house. When I think of that and the fact that I am spending Rs.50 for a Chocolate Fantasy, I feel uneasy. Definitely it is not a matter of money. The fact is that I somewhere in my heart feel that this is not really who I am…The fact that I have changed a lot hurts… I want to be the same myself, but I am unable to do so.

Started listing down a few things that have changed in my life. The left column is a list of things that were part of my life before I entered college. And the right are those that I came to know/were a part of my after I entered college.



I wish I go back to school and be the same guy I was. I know I can’t. But I want to do it and live the same life all again.

Leo da Mirci once said, “I love what I do because I do only what I love”.

If only following something is as simple as saying something!!!

Day 9 - Ambigrams & Anagrams

A decision I took during my school days has been following me like a ghost till today and has been haunting me every now and then. During my school days for reasons unknown, I hd decided that I will not speak in English ever. This followed the very simple logic that one can live in this world without reading English novels or speaking in English. We are Tamilians, aren’t we?? We, at school used to make fun of all those guys who uttered even one word in English and called them all fools… Later I realized (during my campus intervews in college) who the real fool was…I realized that I had to improve my spoken English skils and vocabulary a lot. Though I have worked hard evr since I came out of college, I find it difficult to give a presentation even now. However there has been tremendous improvement between now and then. The biggest learning for me was that one shoul never underestimate the power of knowledge.

Ever since I started reading English novels (which was from October 2004), I have tried to find time to read more and more. So now I have got a chance to say Sidney Sheldon or Jeffrey Archer when somebdy asks who my favourite author is, instead of saying something like RajeshKumar or Sujatha, which is the truth. Ambigrams in Angels and Demons and anagrams in Da Vinci Code fascinated me like anything. Crypti crosswords, palindromes - everything in English fascinated me. I have always wanted to design an ambigram out of my name. Finally I did it. Though it might not be perfect, I have put it in here for you…




Coming back to the underestimation of power of knowledge,

Leo da Mirci often says that this happened in Mahabharatha… I don’t know how far it is true…

Dhuriyodhana underestimated the Paandavs because they were very few in number. He used to often make fun of them saying that the battle at Kurushetra was a battle between a few Paandavs and the mighty Gauravs. He failed to understand the fact that though the Paandavs were a few in numbers, they had the information and ability and also the power of Lord Krishna with them. Finally after Gauravs lost the battle, Krishna went to Dhuriyodhana and said,

“Now we few won”

- Now, that’s a palindrome to end this blog.