Craze Maze

Day 48 - Why this Kolaveri

2011-12-09T20:41:00.012+05:30

The title of this blog was decided after such long thought. Long thought which was so long that it was longer than the longest thought I ever had. The intent was to try to come up with something really good since I am blogging after long. So long that it is longer than the longest gap between any two posts in my blog. Looking at it deeply, so deep that it is deeper than the deepest I have ever looked, I understand one thing - this long gap has made a big difference in my life. Big difference that it is bigger than the biggest difference ever in my life. I can probably say that I have changed a lot. So big a change that it is bigger………. I mean…. I hope you would understand what I am trying to convey…… I mean…. I have become so crazier that I am now crazier than the most craziest I ever was. And that is true – literally for those who know me personally :)

1273 days since I blogged. So what do I blog? Decided to blog the most trending thing with the minor hope that some of you would come back and visit my blog.

So, why this “kolaveri”? As in, why is the term kolaveri in this blog? For those of who don’t understand Tamil, kolaveri means “Which f*****g planet are you in?”. For those who don’t understand Tamil and still reading inspite of the insult, thinking that I am going to explain kolaveri - “Which f*****g planet are you in? && Go and f*****g google” If you are going to leave this blog now thinking that I am actually insulting you, for heaven’s sake please understand one thing - you are actually insulting youtube, facebook, Dhanush, IIM Bangalore and the Gujaratis – every one of them. If still it does not mean anything to you, just wait for the Oxford list of words added for the next year. And also understand that the ****’s above are dedicated to Kapil Sibal. Seriously sir - you can do it yourself.

Back to the topic. Here is the reason why this blog is named kolaveri. Inspired from the Chennai City traffic police’s advertisement on driving safe captioned Why this kolaveri?, here goes a list of things that create a kolaveri in me in increasing order of kolaveri. This list does not contain sappa matters like girlfriend suspecting you, you suspecting girlfriend, both of these, girlfriend breaking up, friend picking up girlfriend, both of these, your reportees talking behind your back, you boss talking in front of you, both of these, villain raping the heroine, hero doing the same in the next song, both of these and all similar sappa both of theses. Btw, I have not checked if sappa is googleable and an adjoint question that comes to my mind is how ponnambalam can keep on failing in raping every time – absolutely no strategy and no effort put in proper L&D. Ok - all rambling done. Now to the main matter. In increasing order of kolaveri generation (generation not as in 3G and not as in Baby boomer and not as in Star Trek)…

Sorry - this time seriously I am done with the rambling . To the main matter. In increasing order of kolaveri generation (10 being the highest) the events are -

When an IT guy who can spend 500 bucks for a dinner, haggles for 10 rupees with a good auto driver. He might not actually spend it on drinks sir. Sometimes believe. Start giving rom tomorrow. You won’t feel bad at all.

When the retail shop guy keeps walking behind you instead of installing a camera.

Mullaiperiyar dam supporters on facebook. For all states of the matter.

When you see people who fake rent receipts but have the guts to talk about the Tiharians. Shut up - Dot

When someone tells you that ‘Seventh Sense’ is better than ‘Velayudham’. Really makes you think about their sixth.

Sachin getting out in the nineties (both as an year and as a score - when he was our only hope then and when we are still are waiting for the 100th now)

When somebody shares Rajnikanth jokes. Like youtube Hitler says - you guys have no creativity and you are simply copy cats. For reference, check Chuck Norris facts. This is excluding the guy who made Chitti carry G.One. He would have been the "God of Creativity" if Rajnikanth did not exist.

Whenever Arnab Goswami talks. Whenever. Whatever. However. I am not sure about wherever though – will have to check.

When the church makes you think that the God would cleanse your sins with four Hail Mary’s and two Our father in Heaven’s. When you think people can believe that. The whole concept of Confession.

When the roads are filled with idiots. Signals. Horns. Horns before signals. U turns. One ways. Buses. Autos. Left turns from right. Right turns from left. A whole lot of things that happen on roads.

Please add. There are still more, lot more. I wish I can give each one of these guys 14 million hits.

Day 47 - Run, rabbit run!!!

2008-06-11T17:17:00.000+05:30

In history you can see that some poets were not appreciated in their present but in the future. You have created history!!! Future history would tell that you were neither appreciated in your present nor in your future but only if there were a past!!!

Leo da Mirci after reading Run, rabbit run!!! - my first attempt in English poetry.

Run, rabbit run!!!
The world is now asleep - this is the time to run!!
Run, rabbit run!!!

Simple is complex; Eyes are always shut
Movie in the clouds; Stars are in the sky
Let the end be dead; On the muddy bed
You Run, rabbit run!!!

Four is only four - Five is always better
Time is in the soul - Experiences bitter
Listen to the heart - no better art
And you Run, rabbit run!!!

Pie is what you want; not an end to it
Chuckle in the dark; leave behind a mark
Funny is thy name; Life is all a game
You Run, rabbit run.

Thanks Satin Gates for inspiring me with the title!!

Day 46 - The Ashes!!!

2008-05-22T15:11:00.005+05:30

“Be clever about what you tell others. You interpretation is always different from theirs. It is important to make sure that your words follow their dictionary” - Leo da Mirci in his famous “Goback Address” to King Alexander in 326 BC (when Alexander started to Greece after giving back Porus his kingdom).

Let us come to the story of the Ashes.

If I don’t want to brag about that day, I should say “I was just a celebrity”. One out of 100 odd in the country who were selected to carry the Olympic torch for India. I was lucky - but I believed that I deserved it - I did something that many people would want to do but would convince themselves saying “I do not have time”. Anyways, this story is not about that. This is about the Ashes(Ash as I was named and Ash as India knows).

I saw her first in the hotel – the night before the Olympic torch relay. Aishwarya Rai was staying in the same hotel as mine - Maurya Sheraton. Similar suite as mine - they said. She passed us into the lift and I just got a glimpse of her. A bunch of 4 kids who were torch bearers were literally begging the organizers to arrange a meeting with her. My ego said “You are in no ways less than her. They are kids and you are 22”. At that time the Oberoi guy was the temporary variable assigned to her and they were supposed to be the star attraction of the function organized after the relay. So I told myself - “She would be with the Oberoi guy and would have no time for visitors”. I convinced myself and went back to sleep. I did not have a good one.

My God!!! I forgot to tell you something. She was a little beautiful. Like the angels I had imagined during my childhood. Like what would define beauty and grace in my dictionary. Like the queen of any fairy land. And yes I did not have a good sleep that night.

Next day once I finished my leg of the relay, I was taken directly to the stadium where the function was to happen. The front rows were occupied by us alone – the torch bearers. Around 30-40 of us were there already. It was around 3.45 p.m I think. I had just finished talking to Mandira Bedi about her role in Manmathan (She asked me to 'Wait and Watch' without describing it – what else would she say about that stunning performance).

It was around 4 p.m I think. It happened. She came. In white and blue Torch bearer’s uniform - perfectly matching with her eyes. She smiled at everyone. The synonym for beauty in India smiling at us!!! That smile was worth a crore. Kids ran towards her. And I too did.

I went close to her. A lot of kids shook hands with her. I was in wonderland. In joy; my heart was enjoying the moment like a child who is eating his favorite icecream. I extended my hand and involuntarily - read again involuntarily - shook hers. Just like any kid would do. She turned towards me and probably saw a 22 year old guy. She gave me a harsh look and her blue eyes said it all - she did not like it. I turned back like a child who just dropped his favorite icecream. The happiness of the moment was gone. I went back to my seat.

The next day I was back to Chennai. Everyone asked me how the experience was. The first thing I said was “Aishwarya Raikae kai kuduthomla!!!” (“I shook hands with Aishwarya, you know!!!”). And it will be written so in history.

Day 45 - Sophisticated Englees

2008-04-09T18:47:00.000+05:30

I wont be able to help if this blog is boring. I want to update my blog and I have nothing else to publish now. So here it goes – the boring blog of the month.

I am attractive uninterested. Usually when I am uninterested I mark a blog. Not for the history few months. Oh!!! That has become fake now. Am script…

I sense awful that I had not on paper no matter which. Seems like I am organization absent of thoughts for my blog. Every one the originality I had is left. Every one the cleverness I had is left. (Aren’t you thoughts how a great deal self-pride this &^%!# has!!!)

Inside some container, gravely – labor plunders you. The primary six months I wrote not anything. I haven’t been doing no matter which for the previous 2 weeks apart from analyzing a small piece of information – to be known to my chief executive (clearly from side to side my boss). Still throughout December when I was very full of activity I did not write and I felt that my aptitude to believe had left downward radically. At the present I am doing not anything. Motionless I be able to not believe. I believe the cause is since of labor force. I denote the information that I got to go to labor is spoiling me. I am almost certainly doing amazing that I don’t feel affection for. I will almost certainly be doing the similar till the finish of my existence. Allow us observe how belongings labor as occasion goes by. They speak occasion has the reply to every one question. Allow us observe. -Fad Labyrinth

Wondering what this is??? I typed the post below – wanted to make it a bit sophisticated and so started replacing all the words with the first synonym that Microsoft Word suggests. Check it yourself. It is a decent translation I guess.

I am pretty bored. Generally when I am bored I write a blog. Not for the past few months. Oh!!! that has become false now. Am writing…

I feel bad that I had not written anything. Seems like I am running out of ideas for my blog. All the creativity I had is gone. All the intelligence I had is gone. (Aren’t you thinking how much self-pride this &^%!# has!!!)

In any case, seriously – work spoils you. The first six months I wrote nothing. I haven’t been doing anything for the last 2 weeks except analyzing a bit of data – to be given to my CEO (obviously through my manager). Even during December when I was extremely busy I did not write and I felt that my ability to think had gone down drastically. Now I am doing nothing. Still I can not think. I think the reason is because of work pressure. I mean the fact that I got to go to work is spoiling me. I am probably doing something that I don’t love. I will probably be doing the same till the end of my life. Let us see how things work as time goes buy. They say time has the answer to all questions. Let us see. - Craze Maze

Leo da Mirci told me that Bill Gates tried this out once in his presence.

“Bill Gates… Is intelligent!!!” He typed.

After correcting the last two words Winword told him “Bill Gates… be clever!!!”

Day 44 - Fun with Tears!

2008-03-11T18:42:00.000+05:30

My friend recently cried when his marriage got into trouble. A long time since I have seen someone cry. I cry very often. Though the frequency has reduced a lot now. I cry even now - at odd times when I am stressed or when I watch a movie. But then – in the past, it was like almost for everything. At the drop of a hat (or a bat, cat or a mat - whatever) I could simply cry. I cried when I wanted to take piano classes, when I did not want to take Bharathanatyam classes or when I did not want to go to class. Or simply whenever I felt like it was too long since I cried. I have always been looked down by my friends for this reason. My dad makes fun of me every time I cry. Every time I come out of a cinema, there will be at least one friend who tells me "I don’t cry for such silly things. See (here he shows his eyes wide open)!!!" - as if he is some sort of a genius who can control his emotions as strong as the BCCI controls the ICC. I always felt like kicking these guys like a donkey. (Just for the heck of it I wanted to use the word monkey here – but then it would amount to self-racism).

I cried even while watching Lagey Raho Munna Bhai. Agreed… It is a comedy movie. So what!! I am not ashamed of it. Crying is fun. Real fun. I know. All the intelligent human beings in this world who cry a lot know this. The unfortunate lot that does not know this – makes fun of us. This blog is dedicated to all the criers in the world - who cry for each and everything.

Obviously this is how I have to start. I mean - everyone started when they entered this world. I believe that one’s soul is purified and his sins are cleansed once for all when one cries. The more you cry the purer you become. I see tears as sins and dirty thoughts from the heart flowing away from the body. I see tears as drops of guilt vapourised into thin air. I see tears as ears which could listen to our sorrow. I see tears as Parotta and Mutton Curry you get in Anjappar. John, in his writings to the people of the Earth said - “CRY, BABY CRY” (John is the Beatles guy; not the Baptist guy).

It needs a lot of effort to make the world realize the importance of tears. This world should understand what crying has to offer. Having hurt a lot by “After the movie remarks”, I feel that we should start with movies. I heard that Satyam Theaters, here in Chennai used mops to clean the hall after every show of Taare Zameen Par. We should have a lot of such good tear jerkers. On the other end of the spectrum (the Red end), we should also start making more movies like Aag which make people cry throughout the movie ruining their decision to watch a Ramgopal Varma flick. The best option would be to make a full length tragedy movie - featuring all the Meri Maas and Ammaas of the world.

In recent times, I see a lot of old aged intelligentsia daily in beaches laughing together as a group believing that they are going to live a day more if they keep laughing like this everyday. I am telling you guys(old aged)!! - you have been misled. Seriously!!! You guys should be crying out there. Get a group of friends, sit on the beach – talk about stories of how you daughter-in-law is hurting you with her words and how your son is planning to move you to an old age home. And then cry at frequent intervals. Cry with others. Everyone will have similar stories. Cry at least for half an hour daily at the beach. People will laugh at you. Don’t worry – they never cried when you were laughing there. They were laughing even then – they are just a bunch of fools who don’t understand “Crier therapy”.

Liek movies, we should change the way TV is watched as well. Instead of “Kalakka povathu yaaru” or “The Great Laughter Challenge”, we should have programs like “Azha povathu yaaru” or “The Great Crying Challenge”. You should share on TV, the saddest of stories that make the audience cry. The more you make them cry, the more their life gets pure, the more SMSs you get and the more Airtel’s revenues are. It would be really funny (I am sorry...really tragic) to watch Uma Riaz or Navjot Singh Siddhu crying as if the sky had fallen on them - even for the most tragic stories like missing tiffin boxes and students failing in their Second grade Hindi exam. Anyways, these hosts are used to it. It would be a good idea to have Mega Serial lead ladies preside over these programs. In case someone in the Studio fails to cry on hearing these stories the producres can gag them till they cry. This could even be commercially telecasted as a separated program Titled “Just for Cries: Gags”.

Every software company should have Tear Jerker sessions with all employees telling them how their jobs are at risk (just because TCS asked 500 employees to leave) so that they cry at least once a day. Variety Entertainement shows should give way to Variety Sadatainment shows in Colleges. All mobile ring tones should be changed to that old Crying baby tone – the one where the baby cries non stop.

And now coming to the last part(Ok!!! I hear it....Last but not the least). Deaths!!! Nowadays only the kith and kin bereaves on the death of a person. I say that this is stupid. We should start inviting friends, distant relatives (upto 470 kms by road) and most importantly enemies for deaths. We should book death halls and play songs like “Ponaal pogattum poda” and "Yaen piranthaai maganae" throughout the day. Everyone should sit down and narrate the saddest events that happened in their buddy, the deadie’s life. Finally someone should end the gathering by saying – “Such a good person. He always made people cry”. In this context, most importantly, people should not forget to call up music channels to wish others on their death. Be shrewd. Wishes in advance always carry more weight than belated ones.

Leo da Mirci also feels that crying is a great thing to do. But for a change he was a bit serious about it. This is what he says in his book “The Tragedy of Errors” –

“Crying is the purest form of expression. Expressing one’s feelings. You cry only when you really are attached to something. Only when you really feel for it. The pure heart cries. Only the pure. That is why a baby keeps on crying - it has got the purest heart in the world. As you grow up you avoid crying - try to stop doing it. Your heart is no more pure. Only when you are old - when you realize the mistakes you made in your life, that you cant correct them anymore - you are back to crying. You heart starts searching for purity again. And you end your life with the purest heart”

Isn’t he true? And do you know the purest irony in the world invloves crying? Here it is:

“The mother's laugh when her child cries for the first time”.

So here is “Three Tears” to all criers. Go ahead and cry. Don’t worry about what others think. From now onwards, at least I wont.

Day 43 - Love Today

2008-01-05T12:54:00.000+05:30

It’s true that things have changed a lot across times. For the better? I don’t know. Should we stop changing? I am not sure. But some changes do affect you. Don’t they? You accept them as they are. You can’t argue against them because you don’t have any rights to. But still they affect you.

It happened around 3 months ago. It was a Saturday. I was traveling in a local electric train from Chetpet to Tambaram. I think it was in Guindy they got in. A guy and a girl; should be around 19 or 20. The girl looked beautiful and rich. The guy looked otherwise. Like someone who earned daily wages. Probably he was dark, uncombed and had some metal chain around his neck - that is why my mind thought so. I have to change a lot, I thought.

I got a seat near the window. It was able to get a perfect view of them from there. It was a great experience to see them communicate. Silently, sometimes in gestures, sometimes only with their eyes. There was some kind of emotional feeling within me. "Love is a beautiful creation", I thought.

The girl had her notebooks with her. Probably she was in her Extra Classes now. The guy – did not seem like he had studied at all. How come!!! I thought. Screeech....The train came to a halt. My thoughts too... The family sitting opposite to me vacated their seat. As if they were waiting for it, the guy and the girl sat there – the girl near the window, directly opposite to me and the guy on her right.

He sat close to her. His dress touching hers. He took the notebook from her and said "Studying well illa?". She said "Give it back" and took it back from him. He said "Study well da" - with real concern. She smiled - with real happiness over the concern. I was looking outside - my eyes still watching them. It was time for something interesting to happen, I thought. It happened. He moved closer to her. Their shoulders touching, now. Uncultured fellow? Probably no or probably yes... everyone is... when it comes to this!!! She slowly moved to her left - giving a proper angry look at him. And then she turned her eyes towards me. Indicating him that I was watching. She knew that I was. I saw him give a sheepish smile and move back a bit. Still their dresses were in touch.

I thought about our culture for a second. Why they behaved so. A stranger is still invasion of privacy for us. Privacy is where no one is. I turned my eyes to the other side and looking outside, I smiled. How sweet the feeling of love is!!! I had great respect for her. Only a bit for him. But, I really wished they could be together for life. I was enjoying every bit of my journey with them.

Foul smell emanated through the windows. "Chromepet", I thought. People got down. Now, there werent many people in our coach. That is when it happened. Spoiling the entire experience...

"So tomorrow book at Mahabalipuram", she said. He said, "No we are not going there anymore". My heart stopped for a moment. She looked at him. That was an angrier look than the previous one – when their shoulders had met. She said "I shall tell my parents that I am going for combined study tomorrow night. Nee book pannu". And she was loud this time. Not worrying that I would hear them. He was strong this time - "No we are not going anywhere again till you finish this year. Study well" – with genuine concern again. She looked at him – with genuine frustration over his concern. He kept talking – as if he was advising a little child on what was right and what was wrong. I was looking at them – directly, now. She was still angry. "I wont talk to you again. You don’t understand. We won’t get another chance", she told him. And then she turned her eyes to me, and gave that angry look direct into my eyes as if she was asking me "Does it bother you, you *******". I immediately stood up, looked sharp into her eyes as if I was telling her "Yes!!! And it is not me, but you who is a *****". I moved to a different seat.

I talked to Leo da Mirci the same day regarding this. And what he told me – still lingers in my mind. And I will never forget them.

It is up to oneself to decide what he/she does. What they did – I don’t want to get into whether it is right or wrong. But for you, my friend; there is a bigger learning. Never ever evaluate a person by the way they look. Goodness does not lie in how you look, how you dress or how you carry yourself. It lies only in the way you live your life. You really owe an apology to that guy.

Wherever you are I am sorry my friend.

Day 42 - Veeraachaami's Milion Dollar Questions!!!

2008-01-04T18:06:00.000+05:30

This post introduces to you "Village Veeraachaami" a humble character from the Southern Frontiers of India. Unlike our genius Leo da Mirci, "Village Veerachami" is deeply ingrained in ignorance and believes that "Ignorance is bliss".

However Village Veerachaami asks too many questions. Yesterday Leo da Mirci was fed up with his questions since he was unable to answer them and asked me to redirect him to the concerned people. If any of you guys know their contacts please forward this to them.

The Million Dollar Questions!!!

To Kamal Hassan:
யுனிவெர்சல் ஹீரோ நீங்க தானே, அப்புறம் ஏன் மாதவன் வர்றாரு யுனிவெர்சல் Advertisementல?

To Karunanidhi:
நீங்க துண்டே போடாம இருந்தா நீங்க போடுற பட்ஜெட்ல துண்டு விழாதாமே, அப்படியா?

To Doctor Ramadoss:
உங்களுக்கு Degreeல Doctor பட்டம் குடுத்தாங்களா இல்ல மருத்துவர் பட்டம் குடுத்தாங்களா?

To Dr. Anbumani Ramadoss:
Doctor புள்ளைங்க நல்லா படிக்கணும்கற உங்க பாசத்த பாத்து, உங்கள Lovebell ராமதாஸ்னு கூப்பிட்டா கோவிச்சுப்பீங்களா சார்?

To Sachin Tendulkar:
World's most 100s மாதிரி, World's most 99s-World's most 98s எல்லாம் அடிக்க try பண்றீங்களாமே, மெய்யாலுமாவா?

To DMK:

கலர் TV குடுத்த மாதிரி அடுத்த தேர்தல்ல Fridge குடுக்கும் போதும் கலரா குடுங்களேன் please!!

To Vijaya TRajendar:

கடல்ல இல்லாத உப்பா
ஊறுகாய் இல்லாம மப்பா
Romanticaa நான் நடிச்சா தப்பா
சிம்பு தான் அடுத்த படத்துல எனக்கு அப்பா

அப்படின்னு statement உட்டீங்களாமே. Sema தில்லு சார் உங்களுக்கு.

To Shreya:

அந்த இடுப்பு எப்பவுமே ஆடுறத பாத்தா உங்களுக்கே கடுப்பா இல்ல?

To SUN TV:
Vijay TV Logoவ ஒரு நாள் மறந்து காப்பி அடிச்சுட்டீங்களாமே, நிசமாவா?

To Jayalalitha:
நீங்க resign பண்ணனும்னு சொல்றவங்கெல்லாம் resign பண்ண ஆரம்பிச்சா நாட்டுல யாருமே வேலைல இருக்க மாட்டாங்களாமே, Really??

To Sarathkumar:
தமிழ்நாட்டுல உங்க கட்சி மட்டும் தான் ஜாதி சார்பற்ற கட்சின்னு சொன்னீங்களாமே....எப்படிங்க தலைவா உங்களால மட்டும் முடியுது?

Hmm... I cant answer any of these questions. As Leo da Mirci believes in "Even the most foolish person in the world can ask a question that the most intelligent person in the world cant answer" Even I think that it's true.

Day 41 - Reservation (The Name Game)

2007-12-24T13:14:00.000+05:30

It’s time we talk about some serious political issue in this blog. I was damn surprised when I heard that the TN Govt. is planning to pass an ordinance providing 3.5% reservation for Muslims/Christians in Educational institutions and Government jobs. I hear that this reservation falls within the 30% reservation for BCs so that we still don’t go above the 69%. Whatever!!!

With its wide & broadminded outlook to develop the state probably the Government can next look at the reservation based on Names. I mean, the names of people.

It would really be a great idea to provide reservations for people with Tamil Names (like the Entertainment Tax exemption for movies with Tamil names). We already have found out from pure Tamil movie names like ‘Kettavan’, ‘Pokkiri’ and ‘Udambu Eppadiyirukku’ that this is one of the greatest ways to improve the usage of Tamil in the State. I am serious. Would ever you ever otherwise see a Church Park babe use pure Tamil words like “Pokkiri” or probably ever hear an oxymoron in the future like “Kettavan is good da”.

Coming to the reservation scheme - this is how it would probably work - Thenmozhiyaal, Poonguzhali or Iniyaal would get a 10% reservation among whatever category they are in. For example, if Thenmozhiyaal happens to be a BC, she would get reservation under the BC-Tamil category and like wise. All BC guys with non-Tamil names would have to compete in the BC-General category.

But this raises a big question – what are non-Tamil names? How will the Government decide on non-Tamil names. A discussion that went through my mind.

1) Simplest of things first. Peter or Stephen is a non-Tamil name and would definitely not get reservation…………. Jesus Christ!!! What did I just say? How will that happen in our Government? So probably all religious names would be considered Tamil Names from now on. John, Peter and Thomas will become Tamil names since they would have been found in some 2000 years old inscription somewhere in the state. I cant think of any other reasoning for categorizing John/Peter/Thomas as Tamil names. At a later point in time we can state that “Tamil names are found in inscriptions that are 2000 years old and hence Tamil is 2000 years old).

2) We have solved the cases of Johns and even Mohammads - based on such inspirational - sorry inscriptional - proof. But what about the Murugans? Obviously Murugan is a Tamil name because Murugan is a Tamil god. But What did I just say!!! Ente Palaniyaandavaa!!! There are no Gods. So Murugan is not God and hence a non-Tamil name. But not fine – since there are lots of inscriptions on Murugan…So if point 1 has to be valid Murugan has to be included. So we will have to include Murugans and may be Iyyappans as well.

3) Let us come to the case of Kannan. Kannan as far as I know is a proper noun describing God Krishna – probably can be termed as a North Indian person since he fought that final battle in Kurukshetra instead of the vast plain lands of Cauvery. We are supposed to hate North Indians. So non-Tamil name - Kannan is. But Kannan also means “someone who has an eye” (as in Senthamaraikannan - the red lotus eyed person). Hence the decision on Kannan would purely be based on the reason behind naming the person – peyarkaaranam. No parent is now foolish to believe in God when reservation comes against religion. We are in a country where we preferred being called backward classes if it benefits us reservationally. Hence all Kannans would be eyed boys and all henceforth all Kannans would fall under the Tamil-Names category.

4) What about people like Goldman – Goldman can be seen as an English name. But isn’t it a proper noun as well? I don’t get it. Where would Goldman fall under? Would Stalin - a Russian name get reservation? Definitely Vijaykanth wouldn’t but what about Rajnikanth? Will reservation be provided to colleges like Madras Medical college - since it has not changed its name to Chennai Medical College? Too many confusions...

Finally another important loophole- what if people change their names in the gazette to get this benefit? But that is ok. Even movie names were changed to avail this benefit and that is the whole purpose of introducing such incentives – to improve Tamil. To avoid issues in the future, people might start naming their children in Tamil. Like, instead of naming someone Williamson and Peterson(son being Inglees), we would name them “Peter petraan” or “Williamkupiranthaan”. Actualla amarnthu yosithu paarthaal Williamsonku pathilaaha Williamkupiranthaan endrazhaikkumpothu Tamil oru one secondaavathu valarhirathallavaa.

Another interesting controversial political thing I came across - Was just hearing “June Ponaal July Kaatre” from the movie Unnale Unnale – Here is how one of the lines in the song goes – “Intha ulagathil evarumae Raamar illai”(meaning No Ram in this world). How come the BJP missed this – they should have made a big issue out of it – the bare minimum of throwing stones at theaters. It would have become another fighting point to be used in the Ramar-Sethu row. These politicians you know – are becoming less intelligent day by day.

This is what Leo da Mirci says about reservation based on caste, religion and names -

“I am being rationalistic. Very rationalistic. They say there is nothing in names, caste or religion. A bunch of fools. Who said there is nothing in names? Who said there is nothing in religions? Who said there is nothing in castes? Who said there is nothing in status? There is nothing only in nothing. Everything else they say has a different spelling. I always hated people who say that there should be no reservation. Think how unplanned train travel would be, if this happens?” - Such a clear stand point with clearly put arguments…Correct?

I just heard that “Correct” in your mind. So considering that as an agreement with what Leo da Mirci says – am ending this post.

Day 20+20: The genius who knew it 10 years back!

2007-09-26T16:38:00.000+05:30

"Less interesting stuff like test matches - they only create very interesting stuff like T20. If you want to see interesting things in your life, you will have to also have to see all the less interesting stuff. That is why I saw this stupid movie" – Leo da Mirci after watching the movie “Aag”.

Day 40 is on Day 20-20(the day we won it)

He knew it!!! Long before we all knew it – he knew it in his mind: “India would win the 20-20”. Of course he is a genius. No doubt about it.

I was waiting on the edge of my seat when the ball went in the air. Oh god!!! It is going to be a boundary. India is going to lose. Not only India is going to lose, but this guy, the guy I adore a lot; his words are going to be almost falsified - there might not be a better chance to prove his words; there might not be a better chance to prove that he predicts things long before its time.

But here!!! We are losing. No…Wait… What is happening!!! It took only 2 seconds for me to get my blood pressure to normal. Sreeshant caught it. We have done it!!! And what this guy said around 10 years ago has become true!! This puts him in the same league as Nostradamus - this guy told us that this would happen long before.

I came to know that he had predicted this only after I joined my engineering college. He was a Professor in my college - they said. Even then, I had seen him very close to me only once. My friends told me that he was a leader and stuff like that. After he spoke to me (us) for the first time, even I believed so – he was a great leader. He said the same words in his speech to us!!! Only, we did not realize that this is what he meant!!

I was almost 10 years now, in 1998 I think… he had predicted this. In 1998,
who knew that there was a similar format of cricket happening somewhere in the world??
who knew that this format would be given international status??
who knew that there would be a world cup in this format??

This guy did… That is why he is a genius. That is why he is a great leader. A visionary they say!!

I have not read his book till now. I am waiting to read it. All I know is that; all I have heard is that; all my friends have today me is that this guy said that “India would become a Superpower in 20-20”!!! Hail Dr. Abdul Kalam. His vision 20-20 has fructified even before its time.

Day 39 - The Stars of Cricket

2007-08-12T21:46:00.000+05:30

My God!!! I love Star Cricket…. One good thing about being in Noida is that I can enjoy my evening watching Star Cricket in an AC guest house (bill paid by the company). One bad thing is that I will have to try hard to make people in Noida understand that 1) I am speaking in Hindi & 2) Make them understand whatever I want to tell in Hindi.

Anyways, after a long time I had the opportunity to watch TV daily evening. It is good to see that cricket has shifted back from the boring Set Max to Star Cricket. With Harsha, Sunny and Ravi, things get a lot more interesting.

Watched some excellent moments in the third test match.

Sourav Ganguly lifting Sachin Tendulkar after he got Pieterson out on his first ball. Camarderie back?? Anwyays, I love Sachin’s leg spinners. The slip catches, the LBWs off his googlies and the catches he takes off his own bowling…He does everything with style. One of the few players who still reminds us that cricket is an intelligent game and not a power game…

Without a doubt, the entire Indian team’s joy was evident when Kumble hit his hundred. Watching Sourav jump(literally) as if he had got a hundred!!! And everyone in the dressing room behaving as if he himself has achieved something great – No words to describe that moment. Rahul finally said “We were more nervous than Anil during his 90s”. After Sourav's exit as captain I never could accept Rahul as the captain even though he is my all time favorite sportsman. But now I am seeing my hero as a role model again.

The “Chak De…. Chak De India” package they show at the end of the game. Whoever makes that, Kudo to you!! It is a very good compilation.

Most importantly the commentary team - Professional & Excellent.

A sample…

Towards the end of the 3rd day, Chris Tremlett was batting with Monty Panesar - the last wicket for england. Tremlett had scored zeroes in both innings of the first test, his debut test. Now, he started scoring a few runs. So the other commentator said “He has started playing well, Chris Tremlett. He has become better now”. Harsha quipped - “I guess he can only get better after that performance”.

I adore you Harsha…Without you, cricket for the last 10 years would have been a lot less interesting…

Day 38 - The Intelligent Buyer

2007-08-12T21:07:00.000+05:30

The top class discounts were on offer!!!

Place: Lifestyle - Atta Market - Sector 18 - Noida
Time: 1 p.m

If you are the guy who hates Operations as a subject do not read this. If you are the guy who spends an hour and having fun calculating which Postpaid plan to choose based on your past bills' inputs; Not because you would gain Rs. 10 out of the exercise, but because you feel happy that "I did it" when your bill gets reduced by Rs. 10....... go ahead and read this blog…

I am telling you these guys will definitely succeed!!! Because they have fun at work and success is just an ancillary output which they get when they have fun. - Leo da Mirci

Yes... The top class discounts were on offer!!!

Place: Place: Lifestyle - Atta Market - Sector 18 - Noida
Time: Time to execute "Operation Intelligent Buy"

Seeing the discounts I decided to go shopping and "Operation Intelligent Buy” started at Noida. I was so sure that I should never buy anything out of temptation. Have learnt somewhere that most of the retail chains succeed because people are tempted to buy after looking at the products. So I made some intelligent decisions.

1) Check out all possible stores before getting the items. The same item might be available at a better price in a different store.
2) Don’t yield to temptations.

Operation Started

Target 1 Globus: Disliked all items
Target 2 Lifestyle: Disliked all items

Target 3 Pantaloons:

Good. Right Place. Shirts were available at the following denominations 500,600,700,800,900. Buy 2 Get 2 free. You can pick up 4 shirts and the 2 costliest ones will be charged. I got 4 shirts which were priced 900, 800, 500 and 500. So I will have to pay for 2 shirts only (worth Rs. 1700) and get the other 2 shirts free (worth Rs. 1000 free) Pay only 1700 for 2700!!! Good deal. But that is not the end... Temptation starts here.

By getting 4 more of the similar denominations I would have the following options
900, 900, 800, 800, 500, 500, 500, 500. Clubbing the first 4 and the last 4 together you will have to pay for only 900+ 900 & 500 +500. So that is Rs. 2800 and you would get shirts worth Rs.5400!!!

For the first 4 shirts I would pay 1700 and get shirts worth 2700 at an average of Rs. 425 per shirts!! If I get 8 shirts, I would pay 2800 and get shirts worth 5400 at an average of Rs. 350 per shirt!!

Basically the additional 1100 Rs is worth 2700 Rs!! Yielded to temptation…. Finally.

Ok. Got the 8 shirts for Rs. 2800 and a few trousers of Indigo Nation at Pantaloons (for Rs. 1500 after a whopping 40% discount on trousers). The total cost was Rs. 4300 including the trousers.

Operation Error 1:

Paid the bill by cash. And then found that if I had used my recently got SBI credit I would have got a 10% cash back!!!

Operation Error 2:

Then the lady at the counter called me back and gave me a Pantaloon Green Card and a gift voucher worth Rs. 150 since my purchase was more than Rs. 2500. But error bhagwan strikes again. Had I split the bill as 2800 and 1500 and got a green card using the first bill of Rs. 2800, I could have immediately used the gift voucher for Rs. 150 with the other bill of Rs.1500 and would have got a green card holder discount of 7.5% on the bill!!! How much did I lose there??... Hmm...Let me calculate..

Operation Error 3:

Came downstairs. Only to find that Indigo Nation’s showroom had a flat 50% off on the same trousers I had got in Pantaloons!!! So that is a loss of Rs... hmm.. Let me calculate..

So when would I become that intelligent buyer!!! My God…

Day 37 - Tips on Taps

2007-07-28T01:03:00.000+05:30

“For girls and children, comfort comes before safety!!! Stupids!!! This is the most ridiculous law I have seen in my 120 years of public service” - Leo da Mirci told me recently (after the Govt. announced that pillion riders who happen to be women or children need not wear helmets). A female and child chauvinistic law!!

Btw, after a recent debacle where my shirt was drenched with water from a tap, I thought it would be a great service to help the public by writing some tips on opening taps.

There are different types of taps. They are made up of different materials, the fluids that flow out of them are of different salinity, density and purity but our concern is none of these. Our concern is that there are different methods/ways/techniques/types of opening taps. If you don’t know every one of them, you are bound be ashamed in front of your colleagues or your boss. You might even lose your job in case it is your boss whose trousers get drenched (shouldnt be a trouble if you have just heard from naukri.com). For others who havent heard from naukri.com here are some tips on types of taps.

Some taps have tops. Some don’t. The don’t types are called naked taps or naked tops (those knobs I mean).

Let us come to the taps which have tops first.

Top Yes Type 1: These are the simplest form of taps. They have a cylindrical knob at the top. Turn the top in one direction and water flows. I am confused as to whether it is a clockwise turn or an anticlockwise turn. Anyways it is a turn in the direction in which the top turns. If water still does not flow after a complete turn then you make a complete turn and go back. There is no water available in that area where that tap is situated (situated ha ha)…

Top Yes Type 2: These types are similar to Top Yes Type 1 but have a vertical tube with a horizontal turner on the top. (Basically a T-shaped knob). They function absolutely similar to the Top Yes Type 1. But they are considered inferior to Top Yes Type 1 taps.

Top Yes Type 3: These types have a cylindrical/horizontal tube with press/release concentric cylinder towards you. You have to press the tap in the horizontal direction with your thumb for water to flow. However water flows out in the vertical direction (Newton’s theory of gravity and Leo da Mirci’s theory of transformation of energy vectors - the horizontal push to vertical fall) are involved here. Though the user manual would say that you have to use your thumb to push you will often have to use you palm and exert enormous pressure to succeed. These taps are often found in schools, marriage halls or local cinema theatres. They have high affinity for each other. The distance between two taps is often not more than 15 cms. These taps rarely work. Their average functioning period is 3 months and are never repaired.

Top Yes Type 4: These types are similar to Top Yes Type 1 but have a slim semi-cylindrical or elliptical metallic structure instead of the cylindrical knob. For water to flow, you will have to stretch your hands with your nails facing the sky and press the metallic structure towards the ground floor of the building you are in. If you are already in the ground floor press it towards the basement parking. If you do not have a basement parking then just press it towards the floor of the same floor where you are standing. You can find these types of taps at hand washes in hotels/restaurants. These taps carry good water a la the arteries which carry pure blood (ha ha.. subject of interest of the subject I am interested in).

Top Yes Type 5: Except the opening mechanism all characteristics of these taps are similar to Top Yes Type 4 taps. In this case you will have to stretch your hands with the palms facing the sky and then pull the metallic structure towards the top floor of the building you are in. If you are in the top floor you will have to pull it towards the top (ceiling) of the top floor you are in.

Top Yes Type 6: Then there are taps which are found in Star hotels’ washrooms. These taps have a similar look and feel as those of Type 4 and 5. But unfortunately the “Press down to the ground floor” or “Pull up to the top floor” techniques will not work in this case. It seems that some of the guys who stay in Star hotels use only hot water for brushing. So these wash taps carry hot water as well as cold/normal temperature water. A certain degree turn to the right will give you water of certain degree and a certain degree turn to the left gives you water at a different degree temperature. Here too you will have confusion as to which one is a hot turn and which one is a cold turn. Trial and error is the best possible way out.

Top Yes Type 7:

We are sophisticated – these taps told me once. They are found in washrooms of good hotels. They are a combination of Type 6 and any one of Type 5 and Type 4. The opening mechanism is also simple. Here there are 4 opening options.

Right turn, Press down to the ground floor

Right turn, Pull up to the top floor

Left turn, Press down to the ground floor

Left turn, Pull up to the top floor

Sometimes a center Pull up or Press down option is also available where you get mixture of hot and cold water. Type 7s are Visionaries according some great Management Guru!!!

Top Yes Type 8:

Type 8s are found in bathrooms of Star hotels. They are called the Matrix types. There are three knobs connected to a single water outlet. Hot water knob (red color coded), cold water knob (blue color coded) and a water outlet knob(have never noticed the color).

You are Neo. The water outlet knob is the path. The Hot Water and Cold Water knobs are the pills. Morpheus has given you both the pills. He indirectly tells you “You take the blue pill, you will get cold water. You take the red pill, you will get hot water. I can only tell you the path (through which water flows). You will have to open the knob.” Trinity is a part of he matrix (the three knobs are otherwise called the trinity of these water taps). The difference between the Screen version and the bathroom version of “The Matrix” is that you can take both the pills to get water at normal temperature in the bathroom version. Anyways, you can always find that hot water flows out of the blue tap. No plumber has ever got the colors right.

Topless Types:

I am referring to the automatic sensor taps here. These do not have a knob at all. The idea of installing(??) these taps is to reduce the effort of an individual to create a water fall. But unfortunately most individuals who have used these taps claim that these taps require more effort to create a water fall. I saw one such person recently in a restaurant. This is what he did…..

Mr.Intelligent walks out to the tap. Keeps his hand below the outlet. No water.

He waves his hand here and there across the basin below the tap. No signs of water.

Mr.Intelligent now bends down and tries to locate the sensor. Couldn’t find any signs of it. He then tries step 2 again.

He looks at the guy next to him. He is happily washing his hands. How come in that tap alone water flows!!!

Mr.Intelligent’s ego does not allow him to go to the next tap.

Mr.Intelligent now blocks all sides of the basin with his hands. Wherever is the sensor now his hands will be recognized – that is the idea!!! Still no signs of water.

Mr.Intelligent looks if anyone is watching him. Moves slowly to the next tap. It works now…

He walks out as if he has achieved something!!!

The guy in the cash counter calls up two servers watching the whole drama and says “Evlo kashtapattaaru paatheengalla. Yaaravathu antha tap work aagalannu solla vendiyathu thaanaedaa”. Actually that tap did not work!!!

So be careful with these types of taps.

You may also look for some beautiful taps here.

http://www.bathroomheaven.com/sp_brochure/main_taps
http://www.tapshop.net/tapstypes/index.html

I only have this much to say about taps. As Leo da Mirci says “There are many types of taps. There are many tips for using taps. There are many tops on taps. There are even tapes on taps which leak. All taps have their own tops, tips, types and tapes. It is up to you to decide which taps, tops, tips and tapes to use. Good decisions come with experience. There are is lot of management to learn from these taps. A simple management learning is “Tip (incentivize) your employees with a good top (brain) and tap the talent of these types of guys so that they make it to the top.”

Day 36 - Improving your orkut performance

2007-02-09T00:02:00.000+05:30

"You know that you orkut because you want to be something with somebody. You say that you orkut because you want to be something else with somebody else."

- Leo da Mirci in his book "How to win friends and orkut with people!!"

One of the most frequent reasons I have heard for people being on orkut is “Looking for friends who studied with me in primary school", "To catch up with old friends" "Orkut is the best thing that happened to friends” and all that crap.

Come on guys, we all know that when you sign into orkut the first thing you see is whether the number of fans/friends has increased or whether any girl has scrapped you (if at all it happens). We know that you go search girls school/ college communities looking for some girl whom you might have known. Soon you get frustrated and quit orkut saying “You know what, I am spending too much time on orkut and it is affecting my job performace”. Yes we understand even that. You are no longer able to compete with your friends in the number of fans, scraps or the number of girls he has connected with. You tried, tried and tried but you could not improve your performance. So you planned to quit. But see, the good news is that you have company - a lot of people are quitting orkut nowadays.

For such poor souls who are thinking of quitting orkut because their performance is not good enough, here are a few tips to increase your orkut performance.

Let us start with the Profile

Name: Names should always be stylish. If you still have things like Raamasaamy, Supppramanian, Asokan, Santhaanam, Jayaramakrishnan in your profile immediately go change them. A Rams, Subra, Ash, Santa or Jay Kris is what you should have.

About me: Typically an about me column would contain super smart statements like “You know me or you don’t know me”, “Read my profile if you really want to know” “I am not someone who cant be easily understood” “Buzz me on yahoo” etc.. Sometimes you can see a bunch of characters scattered all over the place and when you scroll down – Voila! What a surprise !!! You can see a devil’s face or the word FRIENDS! What an imaginative guy he is!! The most recent addition to this phenomenon is to have a poem describing you.. Something like
Want to get into a passionate mire?
I am always on fire
I took an auto on hire
I stood on an electric wire
I will soon burn on a wooden pyre
(for the benefit of the public the lines ending in dire, tyre, sire and gyre have been removed).

Come on guys…. these are stuff Raja Raja Chozhan’s great grandfather had in his profile. It is enough you have a simple about me column which is actually something about you.

Gender: Men are always proud to claim that they are men. However, DC Nielsen’s survey says that there are more men who own feminine ids than women.

Relationship Status: Give some respect to the male community. Give some respect to how God wanted men to behave. Don’t be an outcast. Even if you are married/committed say single.

Birthday: Birthday is the only occasion when girls wish you profusely. The day when they suddenly realize that you exist in this world. That is the day you get the most number of scraps in the year. So, have at least 5 birthdays in a year. Change it every now and then so that you get wishes from girls every now and then. You can have an actual birthday, one each for your star, the sun and the nine planets. (Don’t act too smart and tell me that Pluto is no more a planet. Then you get to lose a few scraps).

City/State: Nothing much. For heaven’s sake do not write the name of your village. Guys from pattis (Kovilpatti, Vadipatti) have a big disadvantage here. You guys might get a list of US cities from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_cities_by_population and use them.

Zip/Postal code: After using an U.S city’s name please don’t show your intelligence by coming up with a 6 digit Pincode (like 624218 for Vaidpatti). U.S cities have 5 digit pin codes (I think he he).

Interested in: Choose any damn thing except dating men/dating men and women.

Children: Remember two things. You are single. Single men are not supposed to have children.

Ethnicity, Political view, Humor, Fashion: Does not matter. No girl is going to search for a Multi-ethnic, very left-liberal trendy fashioned guy with a quick-witted or slapstick humor. Orkut does not have a provision for such searches.

Language: As a true patriotic Indian accept one thing first. We use neither English(U.S) nor English(U.K). We use an Indian language which is similar to English in many ways. Don’t debate on that. The only reason we choose one of the two is because an English(Indian) option does not exist. In addition to your mother tongue you can also choose French, German, Spanish or Mandarin etc. I am sure they are also languages.

Sexual orientation: Avoid the no answer choice here. People should know that you are oriented. (There is a choice called bi-curious here, what the hell is that?)

Smoking, drinking: The girls community is divided in their preference. So no answer is the best answer.

Living: As long as you don’t check all the options it is fine. Girls sometimes read between the lines. For example from a check all entry they would get the idea that you are living alone with your parents and a partner who has kids with friends who visit you often and roommates who party every night with your pets.

Passions: If you are passionate about the discovery channel control your instincts to announce it to the world. See below(Sports) would be the best option…Girls like that.

Sports: F1, Football, Cricket(?) or anything that is associated with speed. Writing Carrom board here would reduce the number of potential scraps by 72%.

Activities: Don’t write your daily activities like checking out girls. Equivalent phrases like Nature watching(considering girls to be an integral part of nature) , Sky watching(when girls are studying in the terrace) etc. can be used.

The five habits of highly effective orkut people: Books, Movies, TV Shows, Music, Cuisines. This is a very important part of your profile. This is the first thing girls check in your profile after your sexual orientation. If you haven’t started reading, watching, eating or listening to anything non Indian, the following tips might be helpful.

Books: You could use names such as Ayn Rand, Frederick Forsyth, Arthur Hailey, Paulo Coelho or Ken Follet. Don’t use Jeffrey Archer or Sidney Sheldon. They are supposedly not so favorite among girls. Girls are jealous that they are the favorite authors of every Bollywood or Kollywood actress. Btw, don’t try typing and pronouncing Paulo Coelho at the same time. It produces disastrous results.

Music: Use names like MLTR, Beatles, Beethoven, Mozart, Elton John, Bryan Adams, Enrique Iglesias, Beyonce Knowles etc… If this list does not contain AR Rahman you are bound to lose fans.

Movies: You should have one movie for each genre. If you don’t know the different genres check IMDB(at http://imdb.com/) . If you don’t know what the word genre means check the dictionary(at http://dictionary.com/). As a basic criteria, minimum two movies should be from IMBD 250 (at http://www.imdb.com/chart/top). Any two from this list is enough but a Godfather or Citizen Kane would prove more effective. Instead of giving the names of movies if you give the names of the directors you will be considered as an avid movie watcher. Say for ex. Roman Polanski movies, Akira Kurosawa movies, Martin Scorsese movies…Also add a few foreign movies French, Japanese etc. You dont need to search for them. Get them at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Academy_Award_for_Best_Foreign_Language_Film. Use the original name(like La vita labonski murra) within brackets. In an Indian’s profile, the term Spielberg movies is always followed by Maniratnam movies. For Tamil guys Kaaka Kaaka is a must. That is the only Tamil movie that the North Indians love. Any other movie which has Surya in it is an added advantage. Even Surya’s TVS Star ads might help getting a few fans.

TV Shows: Friends is universal. Here, you should be very careful. Even if you are, please do not mention that you would be eagerly waiting in your living room for Desperate Housewives every Thursday night.

Cuisine: Simple formula. You like the people of Italy? Then say Italian. You like Mexico. Say Mexican. You love South India. Say South Indian. You like China. Say Chinese. You love all continents. Say Continental.

Now we are done with the profile part of it. Let us get into how to improve your popularity among the girls.

Profile picture: Don’t think that putting in a picture of Brad Pitt will help you in any way. First, everybody knows Brad Pitt. Second everybody will come to know that you are one poor soul who could not look like Brad Pitt and so gets vicarious satisfaction by putting in his picture.

Recent Visitors: The recent visitors list should never have a name like Jambulingam or Senthoorapaandi. We cant suffer because these idiots did not change their names to Jammy or Sandy. We have a way out. Basic logic: When you visit any arbit person’s orkut profile they visit yours. So go ahead and visit profiles of girls with names like Helen, Jenifer, Anna, Catherine or Isabel. Your recent visitors list will always look colorful.

Scraps: Scrap all girls. “Hi how are you. Didn’t know that you were on orkut”. She will reply saying “Do I know you?”. Orkut will tell you how you know her. A->B-> C ->D->E. Tell her the link. Soon you would probably reach A->E. Wait for a day when she scraps you saying “why no reply da?”. Immediately scrap all friends you have (right from LKG to post graduation) saying “Long time no see da”. They will come visit your page and see the girl’s scrap. They will be envious all day about the “Why no reply da” scrap.

Fans: Except a few morons everybody else becomes your fan when you become theirs. It is an universal obligation. To take revenge of these morons, you can reveal secrets of these morons in their scraps and damage their image. Alternatively, if any girl scraps these morons you can scrap the guy asking “What da… what is happening? Does she know about your affairs?” etc.. and do a proper image damage operation.

Testimonials: You can draft your testimonials yourselves and ask your friends to post them. Treats do magic. You can even return them the favor. Or create a few orkut profiles under some good girls’ names and write testimonials for you from those profiles. Nothing can match the happiness of writing your own testimonial.

Communities: Join some intelligent communities like Puzzles, Sudoku, History of India, Maniratnam fans etc. If you studied in a co-education school start a community for it. But please don’t play games like “Favourite miss in the school, Favourite aaya in the school, Favourite place in the school, Favourite bench in the classroom,” etc. It will be real fun for your friends when a lot of girls reply to your favourites saying “Anna that bench was my favourite too”. The entire purpose would be lost. So, just add the girls as friends and orkut, orkut and orkut. That is the sole purpose of these communities, not playing such useless games.

If anyone has any other ideas please do comment. It will help fellow orkutters.

Long live Orkut & all guys who orkut for girls.

Day 35 - Drink hot - feel cold

2007-02-03T19:46:00.000+05:30

For me everything should be under control. Not under control leads to frustration. Helpless or Powerless => More frustration.

Yesterday I was not frustrated. Point is I was not under control too. Enjoyment. Too much. Last Feb drank 2 sips. This Feb drank heavily. First time experience. Excellent. Definitely the last time experience. but still too good. Conscious decision to drink. Taken few months back. ‘At least once in college’ theme. So nobody to blame.

Implications follow today. Lost good image about self. Depressed? don’t know. Some feeling. Not understandable. Lost an important bullet point in my life CV - “I don’t drink”. “I don’t drink” pride no more. Serious damage to self-image. Same feeling comes back again. Don’t know what it is. Yes. Past memories back. 15 year resolution over. Voices. Dialogues. Everything back. Comparing myself with…? No. Don’t. Stop. Afraid. Don’t want to be there. Enough. Divert mind. Tactics? Watch movie. Songs. What else. Talk to …? Afraid again. Don’t talk to anyone. Got it. Friends. Or 7G songs? Somebody is asking for the movie Minnale. Vaseegara. No. Not there. Don’t open that gate again. One is more than enough. Problem = I don’t think of me as good any more. No. You are making a hill out of a mole. You are always like that. Tomorrow it will be all right. Watch Kaadhal, TVS scooty and the school uniform. Smile. Will bring good memories. Ok tomorrow. Blog stop. Watch Kaadhal. Cant.

Think of good things that happened… Yesterday I was afraid of hangovers. Today no headache. Nothing. Be proud. You don’t have a hangover. Or is this? Yes…Yes..it is!!! 2 paragraphs of unnecessary nonsense. Thinking too much. The perfect hangover for me you know.

Day 34 - Why Chennai?

2007-01-29T22:40:00.000+05:30

“In touch with reality, decisions are meant to be rational. But some decisions don’t have any rationale. They are not the best. But for a few people they might make a difference. So they become the right decisions.” – Leo da Mirci.

Why did you choose?

Almost every interview I attend has a similar question.

Why Engineering? Why Cognizant? Why MBA? Why HR? etc. etc… I never thought much about these questions. I don’t have the answers to these questions. I had doubts regarding every one of these choices. I still have. But there is one question I have clear answers to. Might not be understandable to others. Might be childish to a few and I might even be a fool to many for making this decision. But let it be so. I know that this is the least I could do.

Why Chennai?

I remember walking down into this institute around 2 years back. I was 23. Still my entire family accompanied me. With pride. Around 20 years back when they were married they would never even have imagined that their son would do an engineering in one of the top institutes in Tamilnadu, leave alone an MBA. They were proud, but I am not sure whether they were happy.
“It was a few months after you joined your first standard. One evening I came to your school to pick you up. I entered, You were waiting for me and you ran towards me holding your report card shouting ‘Amma, I am the first in class’. That was the most happiest moment in my life.”, my mother often says. My father’s is so easy to predict. “The moment I first saw you. They gave you to me and I was holding you in my hands. I can never forget that”. But my happiest moment - it does not involve them. I don’t think anybody’s happiest moment involves their parents. It is either getting into an institute, getting placed in a company or getting a girl friend or something that you got.

When I receive a call from my home, I look at the number and tell myself “Ok. I have something to do now. I am busy. Let me talk to them later”. They never asked me why I did not pick up. They always assumed that I would have, if I had time. But then, even my father is busy. Busier than me. But, I have never waited for more than three rings when I call my father. My call comes before any job for him. Not for me. I know I take them for granted.

My mother often tells me “Nowadays, you can’t expect your son to stay with you after he gets married. At least once in a while, if you are able to see him parents should should be happy. I can understand that. But you know, many of my colleagues are not like that”. I tell myself “Amma, I know you want me to be with you.” - But still it is not going to happen. They would never come out to live in a city and unluckily my education says that I am overqualified to get a job in my hometown.

Three years back, I decided to resign my job and go for an MBA. I had to take a break for an year to prepare. I called up my father and said “I am going to resign my job”. The first thing he said was “Take your own decision. Anyways, me or you mother don’t know anything an MBA. So you do whatever you like. But never worry about money. Whatever you want to study you go ahead. I will somehow arrange for it”. It has always been like that. Money they earned was not meant for their future. It was for their children. If I call my father for money any time, it would be there in my bank account within two hours. I never had any problems with anything….anything. Even, if I had, I would always find them by my side.

One thing is surprising. That they have never asked me anything. At least I can’t remember them asking me for anything. But, two weeks back when I told my father that I am going to attend interviews for a job after much of hesitation he told me in a low tone as if he was requesting, “Ashok , Chennaila job irunthaa paaru. Vera engayum venaam” (Look for a job in Chennai, nowhere else).” Two things were different. One he never called me by name. Two, he never requested me and it was not followed by the typical 'Anyways if you feel that somethin else is better go ahead with it' that comes after every suggestion.

I could have told him that Bangalore was as easily accessible as Chennai and is almost the same distance from my hometown. I could have told him that I could shift to Chennai after working somewhere else for a year… or another umpteen number of reasons. I could have asked him whether it was Chennai that he meant, or any place that is as near as Cehnnai. But, I could not tell him anything. I mean, I did not.

And that’s the answer for Why Chennai?
My parents want me to be in Chennai.
Could be an irrational decision for others. Not for me.

Day 33 - Engum Ta Mil Ethilum Ta Mil - 1

2007-01-19T10:08:00.000+05:30

After the entertainment tax relief for Tamil films, the Tamilnadu Government might even announce tax relief to all Corporates who get their employees to talk only in Tamil. If this happens, a typical conversation between two software engineers who meet after a long time would be…

ஏ, நண்பா எப்படி செய்து கொண்டிருக்கிறாய்?

நான் நன்றாக இருக்கிறேன் மானிடா.

அதனால், மேலே என்ன இருக்கிறது மானிடா?

ஒன்றுமே இல்லயடா மனிதா. எதுவுமே நடக்க மாட்டேன் என்கிறது மானிடா.

நீளமான நேரம். இல்லை பார்வை.

ஆமாம் நண்பா… நிறைய அலுவலடா, உனக்கு தெரியும்.

அதனால என்ன நடக்கிறது, உன் காதல் முன்னாடியில்?

முன்னேற்றமே இல்லை. நேற்று கூட ஒரு பெண்ணிற்காக விழுந்தேன். அவளை அடிக்க பார்த்தேன். அவள் என்னை அறைந்தாள். அதனால் இப்பொது மீண்டும் முதல் சதுரத்திற்கே வந்துவிட்டேன்.

ஓ என் கடவுளே! ஓரு பெண்ணால் அடிக்கப்பட்டாயா!! சரி போன வருடம் நீ ஒரு பெண்ணுடன் வெளியே போய் கொண்டிருந்தாயே, சரியா, என்னாச்சு?

நாங்கள் மேல் உடைத்து ஒரு வருடம் ஆகி விட்டது.

மாட்டு சாணமே!! நீ உன் மனதுக்கு வெளியே இருக்கிறாய். இதையே தொடர்ந்தாயென்றால், எனக்கு என்ன சொல்வதென்றே தெரியவில்லை.

வாடா மானிடா!!! நானே இதை எளிதாக எடுத்து கொண்டிருக்கிறேன், நீ ஏன் வருந்துகிறாய்? அதை மறந்து விடு. சரி ஒரு முக்கியமான குழு சந்திப்பு இருக்கிறது எனக்கு. இடத்தின் மேல் இருக்கும் ஆண்கள் கூப்பிடுவார்கள். சாவுக்கோடுகளை சந்திக்க வேண்டும். எனவே செல்ல வேண்டியது அவசியமாகிறது. சென்று வருகிறேன்.

கடலா!!

கடலா மானிடா!! தொட்டுக்கொண்டே இரு.

(For the English translation, go to the end of this post)

For those who cant read Tamil,

Yae nanbaa, eppadi seithu kondirukkiraai?
Naan nandraaha irukkiren maanidaa.
Athanaal, Melae enna irukkirathu maanidaa?
Ondrumae illayada maanidaa. Ethuvumae nadakka maataen engirathu maanidaa.
Neezhamaana neram. Illai paarvai.
Aamaam nanbaa… Niraya aluvalada, unakku theriyum.
Athanaala enna nadakkirathu, un kaadhal munnadiyil?
Munnetramae illai. Netru kooda oru pennirkaaha vizhunthaen. Avalai adikka parthen. Aval ennai adithuvittaal. Athanaal ippothu meendum muthal sathurathirkae vanthuvittaen.
O yen kadavulae! Oru pennaal adikkappattayaa!! Sari pona varudam nee oru pennudan veliyae poi kondirunthayaae, sariyaa, ennaachu?
Naangal mael udaithu oru varudam aahi vittathu.
Maattu Saanamae!! Nee un manathukku veliyae irukkiraai. Ithayae thodarthaayendraal, enakku enna solvathendrae theriyavillai.
Vaadaa maanida!!! Naanae ithai ezhithaaha eduthu kondirukkiraen, nee yaen varunthugiraai? Adhai maranthu vidu. Sari oru mukkiyamaana kuzhu santhippu irukkirathu enakku. Idathin mael irukkum aangal koopiduvaargal. Chaavukkodugalai santhikka vaendum. Enavae sella vendiyathu avasiyamaagirathu. Sendru varugiraen.
Kadalaaa!!

Kadalaaa Maanida!! Thottukondae iru.

The English translation would be,

Hey buddy, How are you doing?
I am fine, man.
So, whats up man?
Nothing man. Nothing’s happening.
Long time. No see.
Yes yaar! lots of work, you know!
So whats happening on your love front?
No improvement. Even yesterday I fell for a girl. I tried hitting on her. She slapped me. So now back to square one.
Oh my God! Got slapped by a girl!! Ok, last year you were going around with a girl right, what happened?
It has been one year since we broke up.
Bull shit!! You are out of your mind. If you continue this, I don’t know what to say..
Common man!! Even I am taking it easy, why are you worrying? Forget it. Ok, I have to go for an important meeting. Onsite guys will call. Have to meet deadlines. So, Got to go. Bye.
Cyaa..
Cyaa. Man. Be in touch.

Day 32 - Deewana Bana De

2006-12-14T01:25:00.000+05:30

For life to be interesting, you should make fun of others. You should be made fun of. Else life becomes too bland.

- Leo da Mirci in his book “ A recipe to failure - how to make bland dishes”.

A small imagination of what would happen if cricketers enter into Bollywood. A bit long. Forgive me if it is boring.

Pre-Script:

Sony Set Max’s viewership increased by a huge number during the ICC Champions trophy. Sony Max feels that its Extraa Innings featuring Rohit Roy, Shonali Nagrani and Mandira Bedi (who till a few days back thought that 20-20 is a game played with 20 players on each side) was a huge hit across the country. The channel claims that adding Filmi Flavour to cricket was one of the most important reasons for this increase in viewership (another important reason being Mandira Bedi’s costume designer). “The channel has plans to add cricket to entertainment too”, says Charu Sharma on behalf of Sony Max.

Current Scenario - The Background: (too much of B-School pressure => headings)

After the recent defeat in the ICC Champions trophy, the dismal performance in ODIs in South Africa, and the bashing it is getting from all quarters the entire Indian team is dejected. The Board of Sony thinks that this is the right time to get the cricketers into the entertainment domain. Sony plans to produce a movie with the Cricketers as the main cast. It sends a team (of a few cricketers dropped for the SA series) headed by Charu Sharma to South Africa to talk to the captain, Rahul Dravid & the current players regarding the new venture. Rahul after a bit of convincing, agrees to talk to the team about the new venture. Most of the team members feel that their ad revenues will drop after the South African tour. They think that the only other way to earn revenues would be to be a part of Bollywood (they never think of practicing). So the team agrees to be a part of the movie. A meeting of the Indian team members is convened to discuss and decide upon the plot and the actors.

Venue: The Indian dressing room South Africa

The entire team (with Greg Chappell) enters the dressing room..

Rahul Dravid: Welcome gentlemen!!!

Munaf Patel to RP Singh: Isnt he the gentleman?

Rahul Dravid(hearing some murmuring): Who is that talking? You know guys. I want perfect discipline here. This is a crucial meeting for all of us. Please stop talking.
Gentlemen, we are all here to discuss about the plot of the movie and the roles we will be taking up. You know guys, I have got good news for you. Steven Spielberg has agreed to direct the movie. Chappell will be the Assistant Director. It will be fun, don’t you think so?

Harbhajan: Captain, Pehle yeh bolo, yeh Steapen Spealebergu kaun hai?(first tell me!! who is this Steapen Spealebergu?)

Rahul Dravid(to Bhajji): Bhajji pehle yeh bolo. Why haven’t you tied your hair? First tie you hair... The SGPC is waiting for you!!! This happens always, have Royal whisky at night, forget to tie your hair and get into controversies!!!

Rahul Dravid(to the team): Ok guys. Lets first decide on the hero. Whoever wants to be a hero please raise your hands.
(All hands raise)

Rahul Dravid(to himself): Now raise you hands , when I call for practice switch off your mobiles.
Rahul Dravid(to the team): See not everybody can be the hero, you know. Please tell me one by one, why you should be the hero. Lets do it in the batting order… Sehwag start!

RP Singh to Munaf Patel: Arre this is unfair!! Humko chance nahi milega (We will not get a chance)
Munaf Patel to RP Singh: Abey chup. Yeh batting order jalti collapse ho jayega. (Dude, shut up. You don’t know about our batting order. They will all collapse soon. We will get more time to speak than the entire top order put together.)

Sehwag(ready for his speech): Guys, with my new funky hair style(?) I’ll become a heartthrob among the girls.. Aarthi often says that I look too good. Moreover, people have seen me as a hero in the Hero Honda Ad. So that would help too. The number of fans I have is increasing you know!

Munaf Patel to RP Singh: Yes even his size keeps on increasing day by day… The only thing that is decreasing is his average!!! By the way he has no hair on his head... Why does he call it a hairstyle?
RP Singh to Munaf Patel: Ha ha!! You’re right!! Munaf, tell me - how can he become a hearththrob among girls?
Munaf Patel to RP Singh: Arre yaar, Kenya mein Odumbe bhi Hero hai!!! (Hey dude in Kenya, even Odumbe is a hero)
(Both laugh silently)

Rahul Dravid: Ok. Sehwag thanks. Now Sachin… start!!!
(Everybody turns towards Sachin and find him sleeping)

Rahul Dravid(in a loud voice): Sachin.. stop sleeping and say something.
(Pathan wakes Sachin up)

Sachin(half asleep – hears only the words “say something”): Thanks Ravi, the pitch was flat and the ball was coming on to the bat. I thought if I could stay till the end overs, it would be good for the team. I might waste hundred balls to move from 99 to 100 but still I consider myself playing for the team and nobody should criticize me. Because I am Sachin. Main kaun hoon? Mera tennis elbow kahan hai?

Rahul Dravid(shouts): Sachin!! Sachin wake up!!! Tell me why you want to be a hero…

Sachin(awake now): Oh!!! Sorry Dravid… Had a bad dream. Coming to the hero point, you can see that even if I don’t play well I will be in the team and people come to watch me. Similarly, I thought even if I don’t act well everybody will watch my films. I thought I have more fans than anybody else in the country (excluding Thalaivar Rajnikanth, of course). I have acted in more ad films than all of you put together. So given my past experience ….

Chappell (interrupts): Sachin… stop talking about your past experience. Only current performance will be taken into account in my film. What do you say Rahul?

Rahul Dravid: Whatever you say sir!!! (to himself - Why would I risk saying something? I know your proficiency in writing letters to the BCCI. There are people waiting in the BCCI office to leak the letters to the press. I am a gentleman, Mr. Chappell; but a clever gentleman, you *&^%$#)
(Suddenly there is a loud noise in the room; Sourav, Azhar, Jadeja and Sidhu enter into the room shouting “Ooh aah India Aaya India!!”)

Charu Sharma: Why are you people late for the meeting?? Hey, Sidhu!!! I read that you are in jail…

Sidhu: No, Charu. I was on bail. Not in jail. The difference between jail and bail is as good as the difference between the poor and the rich. All that makes the difference is a bit of money!!! Anyways, Hi everybody… It is good to be here for the meeting! This place is excellent!!! The feeling of being in the dressing room is as good as a vegetarian having chicken pox. You have chicken in you and you don’t have to eat it. And what more!!! You still remain a vegetarian.

RP Singh to Munaf Patel: What does that mean?
Munaf Patel to RP Singh: I am sure even he does not understand what he says!! Don’t ever try to ask him.. He will reply with another one of his Sidhuisms!!

Azhar: Hi boys!!(I love calling you so) It has been a long time since I met you. I have been busy in my gym… Boys, I want to be frank. I hate the movie world. Because Sangeeta hates it. But boys, I can book tickets for any movie for you people. I have lot of bookie contacts you know!!! One more thing boys…I wanted to meet Gibbs in South Africa… I heard that he has been avoiding me. Boys if you can find him please tell him that...

Sourav(interrupting Azhar): Azzu!! Enough!! lets not call them boys any more…They are all grown ups now..(in a low voice - I helped these *$%^& grow up in the team and look at my fate now) Hey guys, how are you!! It is your Dada… I missed you so much. And you know what? In my leisure time at home I prepared a plot for the movie (instead of playing the Ranji trophy). I have got a very good story for the movie. Let me narrate to you the story.

Charu Sharma: Make it short, Dada. We are already short of time.

Sourav(angry): How dare you use the word short in my presence? You know how much I hate short ones. I have even stopped wearing shorts!! Ok leave that. Let me tell you the crux of the plot in detail (??)

This is the story of a guy who is the king..hmm….let us say the Prince of Bollywood!!! All the movies he acts in as the hero are big hits. Many new actors get a chance to act because of him. He forms his own team, and uses the same cast/crew in all his movies; even the director and producer are the same. Once on a foreign shooting schedule, the hero fights against a few Englishmen. Half way through the fight the hero gets out injured. Believing that nothing can save his team, start his prayers at the Lords; somehow, his friends display lots of courage, fight till the end and defeat the Englishmen. Charu, you know, here we can have a song with my shirts off…just like Salman does in all his movies!!! Everybody in the country is now a fan of the hero.

And then comes the tragic part of the movie - this winning combination does not last for long. One day, his director Mr. Right falls ill and leaves India. The producer Dalmiya also loses money and power. The new producer comes in and he selects a new director. Problems crop up between our hero and the new director. A few movies flop and the director wants the hero to be replaced. He does not want to give him even a small role in the movie. As usual, the people of West Bengal (who oppose anything that is good for the country) oppose our hero’s removal too. They want him back as the hero; or at least in a small role in the movie. But nobody listens to what they say, as usual. Our Prince now sits down in his house watching old movies he has acted in.

Let us end it here, with a note saying how great people are ill treated in India!!! We in Bengal love tragic endings. Lets spread this phenomenon across the world. What do you say Charu? How is my story?

RP Singh to Munaf Patel: May be at the end of the movie we can have Sourav in a Pepsi ad saying “Mera naam Sourav Ganguly hai. Bole tho nahi…Jo hua, kyun hua, kaise hua. Yeh sab soch ke dhukh bhi hotha thaa; ghussaa bhi aatha thaa. Par ab nahi. Main bollywood mae vaapous aane keliyae bahut bahut (dance) practice kar raha hoon. Kya maalum… heronies ke saath shirtless dance karne kaa mujhe aur ek moka mil jaaya. Jo bhi ho… bollywood ka andhar ya baahar..main chup bhaitnawaala nahi.. ooh aah..ouch.. iodex!!! aa yaa iodex. bollywood ke har movie ka fight scene mae main aise hi chill aaongaa. Aap bhi chillaayaengae.. mere team ko iodex zaroori hai… mere team ko acha lagaega… apni dada ki baat suneginaa?”
(Munaf Patel laughs out loud and everybody turns back)

Sidhu: Look!!! this kid is laughing when the Prince is speaking. This is what the Indian team lacks. Dsicipline!! I am telling you.. (Sign board for adults below adult level - Censored Sidhuism ahead) This is like a married couple playing handball. The guy doesn’t end up screwing his wife unless he first gets his hands on the ball. (Puritanists who just read the above line can now go see your Parish priest)

Jadeja (in a low voice to Sidhu): Sherry, see Sonali Chander is the only person in the world who can understand what we both speak…and nobody else cares about our comments!!! So shut up..

Rahul Dravid: Ok ok.. You know guys. This is not taking us anywhere.. Let us decide the heroine first…
(Voices heard) Sangeeta, Nagma, Kim Sharma, Sania Mirza, Shilpa Shetty, Dimple Kapadia, Yuvraj Singh!!!

Charu(interrupts): No No No!!! Peace people...Shanthi Shanthi...The heroine is already decided. Anything with Sony & cricket it will always be Mandira who is the heroine. We have even decided on a few promotions with Mandira’s champions trophy clips..

Munaf Patel to RP Singh: May be they should use the clip where Mandira asked Tony Grieg “Tony!!! now that Gilchrist is injured, whom do you think will open the fielding for South Africa?” Can you believe it? Mandria is the heroine!!! Yeh comedy movie hai kya??

Charu(continues): And we would better have our captain as the hero. Sony Max has a plot. Since the team cannot come to a conclusion we will go with our own plot.…

The movie revolves around the India-Pakistan rivalry. Pakistan plans to destroy India. Since they cant win anything face to face, they use one more of their cheap tactics. They send drug dealers to India. Pakistan wants to create a huge drug market in India and supply drugs to the Indian Army. They come up with an intelligent plan(by Pakistan’s standards) that they would attack India when the Indian soldiers are all on drugs (???). They send their main drug dealer to India. You know, with his knowledge of drugs, Shoaib would be perfect for this role. Against him is the captain of the Indian Army, Rahul.

Rahul consults the eternal captain of India, Vijaykanth to find out where the terrorists hide. Vijaykanth with his widespread experience in this area(14 films, 2 guest roles & a terrorist capture count of 149) helps Rahul identify and gun down all the terrorist drug dealers. Somehow Shoaib escapes with a few others.

In the climax Shoaib comes down running all the way from Pakistan to hit Rahul. Rahul stops him with one finger and Shoaib falls down right under Dravid’s feet. There he lies under Dravid’s feet, unable to move just like a cricket ball. Shoaib loses all his energy and returns back to Pakistan and starts running again. Meanwhile Rahul beats all other drug dealers, the first man, second man, third man etc.. one by one..As he usually does, Rahul hits their balls (towards the point area), pulls them, lifts them over the head and flicks them finally, making sure that all these guys reach the ropes!!! By that time, Shoaib reaches India. However, he is unable to fight against Rahul as he gets injured because of running too much…You know, Shoaib would be the best choice for this role… He even has the experience of acting injured!!!

(The door opens and somebody in a Sony SET Max T-shirt gives Charu a note)…

Charu(after reading the note - in a sad voice): Sorry friends…Maa Prem Ritambhara, our official tarot card reader has predicted that this movie would be a super hit. So the Sony Executive Board is pretty sure that this movie will be a big flop. They are no longer financing the movie…..(after a pause) It has been dropped. I am extremely sorry friends..The meeting has to end now..

(All cricketers are so dejected and start moving)

Sidhu(shouts at the top of his voice): I cant believe this!!! Sony Max is behaving like a pizza delivery guy who loves his job. Even if his wife gets pregnant he would want to deliver the baby!!! And you know what…If you push Geoffrey Botcott into a pool of....

(All cricketers start running as Sidhu starts one more of his Sidhuisms.)

The end.

Day 31 - Friends are not forever...

2006-11-29T02:17:00.000+05:30

Writing this blog made me realize how much I miss my friends; I mean those really close ones!!!

We all have friends…. At all levels, kinder garden, middle school, high school, graduation, post graduation and so on….But why do you still want to go back home and have a look at the small playground where you played cricket?

At 25, at post graduation level – you have friends who are close but they are still far… Here there are very few people who are so close to you, very few people whom you can trust and very few people you prefer to be with. You smile at everybody, laugh with everyone, seem to have a good time with everyone but still there is always this nagging feeling that if you were given a choice you would have chosen someone else. The competition is tough(not so tough though) that there is every possibility that everyone’s true self will be revealed some time or the other. And it hurts when it is revealed. You do not want it to be… There are always some truths that better remain hidden… But you still cannot avoid knowing that your friend thinks that you are competition and that there is the other friend who speaks behind your back. You stop speaking out your heart for the sake of being diplomatic. You put a mask to your face and smile at them everyday, justifying it by saying that life at the corporate level is going to be the same… A line is drawn with friends, even with close friends… It says what questions can be asked, how one should behave and the rules involved in the friendship. It becomes a kind of a contract, a contract which gives benefits to both the parties…

But, but only a few years ago it was so nice…..

Just think of those days, when you just thrashed out the guy who made fun of you and the friend who supported you immediately without even thinking for a moment. There were no stakes involved and there was nothing to lose. You could just tell anybody on their face that he was committing a mistake. You were allowed to hate people and announce it to everybody. You always had the feeling that there were friends with you and they are going to be with you till the end of life. Think of the number of times you told your heart, “Why are my parents controlling me.. One day I will stay with my friends”. You planned to open a shop together and live happily… There were people who were actually close to you… You can still remember those places you had gone together, the girls you followed daily, the bus which took you back to school, the first day film shows and parotta stalls where you never went Dutch…The kuttichuvar which was yours, the place where you go back and sit atleast once and watch the small boys playing during your holidays… Remember you were all divided into teams, played cricket among yourselves daily and then suddenly one day you realized the bonding among yourselves when you played together against another team…There are these people whom you actually care for…Those people whom you first call when you are trying not to cry… call them up and start crying but still do not feel ashamed about…Those people whose voice would bring you instant energy… Those people whose “sorry “ really meant something…The only ones whom you called up the day your itinerary back home is decided and said, “Makka I am coming home in December..Come da”. Those people who are the first ones you call when you go home for your holidays and say “Makka, let us go somewhere da. Oor suthi evlo naalachu”. Those people with whom you can share the darkest secrets…Those people who were with you when money was not a factor… Those friends whose salaries never made you jealous…Those whom you are reminded of when you watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Those people who were really close… Missing them all…

Those times with those friends were all happy moments. All this happiness was in school and college when I did not earn anything , when I did not have money…Now I don’t have that happiness. I do not feel that real sense of happiness even though people think that I am…Is it all because I started earning money? Is it because I have money? No, that is just an excuse. It is not because I have money. It is because I think that it is important for life.

Day 30 - Never do it. It hurts...

2006-11-19T17:46:00.000+05:30

I was trying to cry. I could not. Finally I started writing this and cried…

Nov 18 2006

“Some say that one should be a coward do it, some say that one should be brave to do it. But all I know and all that matters is that it is pain for everyone” - Leo da Mirci

If only I had known it earlier.....

I would have written a testimonial for you in orkut
I would have talked to you about the first train journey we had together and how much I enjoyed it
I would have told you that we friends often laugh repeating the comments you made during the journey
I would have told you that I laugh out loud reading your replies in the newsgroups
I would have told you that after reading your mudslinging format, I kept on telling friends that "He is a genius da... sema nakkal paaru"
I would have told you that your roomie often boasts that you are very sharp in understanding things
I would have told you that I loved the way you imitate our Finance Professor
I would have told you that you are one the very few persons whom I do not mind making fun of me
I would have told you that our first(and last) dinner with friends together was one of the happiest ones I had in life
I would have told you that your smile on the orkut profile photograph actually is so cute and childlike
I would have told you that I was in front of you when that photograph was clicked
I would have made fun of you saying that you forget more steps that you remember while dancing
I would have told you that I did not move much around with you but you were close to me
I would have spent the entire day with you
I know you would have made fun of me but still I would have told you how much I loved you
I would have told you that everybody on campus loved you
I would have told you that there are so many people who would be happy to be with you
I would have told you that it would be more pain for us than for you
If I had know it earlier I would have, would have... somehow stopped you...

You stupid, didnt you know that there are hundreds of people like me... who would have done all these...you could have told at least told one of them !!!
Goodbye da...

(For a friend who recently took a decision to end his life...)
Never do it anybody...It hurts...

Having been so close to what he did, I could not stop writing this....

Day 30 - Da Mirci Code II

2006-11-12T04:46:00.000+05:30

“Part II of Da Mirci Code has no similarities with the Da Vinci code. Though the build up was too much, half way through creating the plot(??) I realized that Jyotika did not die in the climax and lost interest in continuing. I took more time thinking about this one than any of my other ones and hence it seems to be the worst one ever written by me. So here is just the gist of what I thought could have been the link between Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu and Kaaka Kaaka. Sorry to say that towards the end even I could not understand what the link was. It got too boring. Let me know if you really find any link.

- Leo da Mirci’s comments on Da Mirci Code Part II

Da Mirci Code Part II by Leo da Mirci

I have the feeling that Kaaka Kaaka is the next generation story of Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu. Back home, they call this feeling the Da Mirci instinct.

The following proof which has no evidence proves that Kaaka Kaaka is just the second generation’s story of Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu protagonists.

What could have happened

In Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu, Ilamaran and Amuthan are very close friends. Amuthan has two male children who grow in Keeranur. Ilamaran also has two children, a male and a female who grow near a village in Chennai.

The Amuthan and Ilamaran family:

Amuthan names his first boy Ilamaran out of love for Ilamaran (this boy is the Ilamaran in Kaaka Kaaka).

Ilamaran names his girl child Swati because of love for Amuthan (don’t ask me why). She is Swati - Devadharshini in Kaaka kaaka.

Amuthan names his second boy Srikkanth as he is a fan of Kris Srikkanth. (This boy is the Srikkanth, husband of Swati in KK - See the face similarity)

Since they are short of names by now, they decide to call Ilamaran’s boy child Paandya (Proof: See the voice similarity between Ilamaran of VV and Paandya)

Amuthan and Ilamaran adopt a child and name him Sethu so that he can become Paandya’s brother in Kaaka Kaaka.

They both make a pact that Srikanth will marry Swati. They write everything in a diary so that it can be used as a truth revealing instrument in the future.

The Raaghavan story:

Raaghavan sees Aradhana dead(Aradhana actually dies in the climax – their marriage clip was a graphics clip shown just so that the film does not flop). But he still remembers the promise he gave to Aradhana – “Ippola irunthu Neeyum Maayavum en sothu”. So he adopts Maya and brings her up. This Maya is the Maya you see in Kaaka Kaaka. (Proof: Can’t you see the face similarity between Aradhana and Maya!!!)

Raghavan marries again and gives birth to Anbuchelvan. (Anbuchelvan is 6 years younger than Maya and biologically they are not brother and sister and hence they can fall in love in Kaaka Kaaka – There is also one scene in Kaaka Kaaka where Anbuchelvan tells Maya “Enakkum unakkum oru 6 varusham vithiyaasam vera irukku”)

Raaghavan after killing both Amuthan and Ilamaran in VV comes to know about their children. By the time he reaches them, Paandya kills somebody and goes to Mumbai and Sethu had already become a rowdy. He brings the other children, Ilamaran, Swati and Srikanth and gives them to an orphanage and takes care of their expenses. He asks the orphanage owner to bring them up as police officers.

Suddenly one day, Raaghavan dies of lung cancer (Reason: After dying of blood cancer in Nammavar and Vaazhve maayam Kamal decides that he should die of something else). Suddenly the next day, Raghavan’s wife dies of brain cancer(i am running out of cancer types here). Maya is adopted by another family which owns a house inside a lake in Pondicherry. Anbuchelvan grows alone in his house (the house where he never opens the curtains).

The twist - Father’s diary:

Anbuchelvan reads his father’s diary and finds out that Ilamaran and Srikanth are growing in an orphanage. He calls them and asks them to join the police force. They form a team (naanga oru team!!!) and Arul joins this team (Arul is the son of Arun who marries Sandhya after divorcing Aradhana in VV). Also Raaghavan says in his diary that he should marry Maya to fulfill his wish (he couldn’t marry Aradhana and so his son marries Aradhana’s daughter - Balachander type father).

Srikanth reads his father’s(Amuthan’s) diary and finds out that it is his father’s wish to marry Swati. So he marries Swati. After some time he says “Swatiyaa thookitaanga Anbu”

Pandyaa reads his father’s diary and finds out that Raaghavan killed his father. He comes in search of Raaghavan and he finds only Anbuchelvan and no Raaghavan. He meets Sethunnaa. Soon Anbuchelvan kills Sethunnaa. Pandyaa decides to take vengeance on Anbuchelvan and kills Ilamaran, Swati, Srikanth & Maya (in that order). Towards the end, Anbuchelvan kills Pandyaa and Sathyaraj starts speaking…

Some secrets about Vilai Uyir endraalum – Gautam’s next movie…

Anbuchelvan’s daughter with Maya (secret daughter they had before marriage) is the Jyotika in Vilai Uyir Endraalum.
Swati and Srikanth’s son is the hero, Sarathkumar.
Pandyaa’s son is the villain. Sethunnaa son is the assistant villain.
Anbuchelvan dies of bone cancer. Sarathkumar reads Anbuchelvan’s diary and finds out that he has to marry Jyotika…. Paaandya’s son reads Paandya’s diary and the story continues…There is no end.

I am sorry if Leo da Mirci had bored you too much. Even I was.

Day 29 - Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu

2006-08-31T04:50:00.000+05:30

Spoiler warning: Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu plot & climax revealed!!!

Leo da Mirci often says “A movie is one where I am in move after the V!!!”

I thought I should never review a movie on my blog or write anything analyzing a movie in my blog. But somehow after watching VV, could not stop writing.

The first half was excellent, sitting on the edge of the seat to know who committed the murders. But once the film entered the last one hour, it was nothing but a remake of Kaaka Kaaka (henceforth KK).

Let us finish off the known stuff – Gautham, Jyotika, Harris, Thamarai, Vijay Antony etc. etc…

Vettiayaadu Vilayaadu and Kaaka Kaaka - solli paarunga the tone is almost the same and the two words in each movie name start with the same letter (similarity konjam simple…. aaanaa powerful!!!)

KK Srikanth is Amuthan here. In both movies he keeps on saying “Ila.. Ilaa”

Amuthan in VV says “Raagahavaan….” in the same tone Paandya says “Anbuchelvan….”

In VV, the voice of Ilamaran and his modulation is almost the same as Paandya in Kaaka Kaaka.

In both movies, eppo paathaalum villains “Avla thookuvaen” “Ivala thookuvaen” nu sollittae alairaanga.

The villains have long hair in both movie and they keep on repeating the famous three letter word in tamil!! (oth**)

The meeting between Aradhana and Raaghavan on the road pavement is almost the same as the one between Maya and Anbuchelvan in the movie KK. Even a vehicle comes to hit Jyotika in both movies. However in VV she escapes.

The climax is shot early morning in both movies. The bluish background color is almost the same.

In VV during the climax scene where Raghavan meets Ilamaran on the top of a half-constructed building after the long chase, you can do nothing but remember Anbu and Paandya meeting in a similar place in KK after a long chase. Luckily in VV, we do not hear “Dei Tamilnadu Police!!!”

Adyar Bridge….. in KK where Pandya and his gang are surrounded with vehicles from all sides and in VV where the body is hanged from the bridge. Even the time it was taken(the darkness) is almost the same.

Paartha Muthal Naale - the song, if not the visuals reminds us of Ondra renda…

Jyotika is kidnapped and held hostage. The villain calls the hero on his mobile and asks him to come to his place.

Jyotika dies… (appa Jyotika saavula Gauthamku enna thaan santhoshamo!!!)

Even Kamal’s flash back reminded me of Vetri Vizha…(anothe VV) Amala, I think is kidnapped the same way in a van…

Gautham running out of ideas is adjustable, running out of actors (the same actors again and again) is acceptable, running out of dubbing artists and speech modulations is tolerable (Amuthan’s tone in VV, Pandya’s tone for Ila in VV etc…) but what is not at all tolerable is running out of names for characters – many names are repeated. (Maya, Ila etc…). I think there is a reason behind this (read last paragraph for the reason!!!).

Extra fitting

While I was watching the first half the murders reminded me a lot of the name “Ajith”. I felt that these murders, killing spree and everything – I have across somewhere in my life… A murder leading to the investigation of lot many murders that happened in the past, many people killed and buried in the same place, body parts cut into pieces etc…and somehow Ajith came to my mind again and again… I was afraid that I was some Ajith in my previous piravi who killed many people. Finally after a long time it dawned!!! JuinorVikatan… Anybody remembers “Kutravaali thappa mudiyaathu” by Ajith Aadhithyaa ? - a thodar on gruesome murders and how they were found out years after the killing. It was excellent…I was so interested in it that my parents stopped getting Junior Vikatan thinking that I would become a psychopath. Ok now, hte best part of this blog...

My next blog…

Vettaiyaadu Vilayaadu - the code points to Anbuchelvan!!!

Witness the biggest cover-up in Indian film history….It is so powerful….that men have died to protect it…and there are those who would kill to expose it. It is a message that has been hidden for three hours….. right before our eyes.

What if the one of Gautam’s greatest works in Tamil had the secret that could reveal a lot about another!!!

In my next blog… No matter what you have seen…….. no matter what you could see………. the journey has just begun…The secret is revealed!!!! The one that has been buried for generations…

Where Vettaiyaadu Vilayaadu ends Kaaka Kaaka begins – the truth untold!!!

Based on the Novel by Leo da Mirci -Da Mirci Code Part II !!!

Day 28 - Inspiration

2006-08-20T10:04:00.000+05:30

To sleep when you think your dreams are dying, you got to be actually dead. -Leo da Mirci.

It is 9 a.m in the morning now. I have not slept. I lied down to sleep at 5 o’ clock in the morning. Till seven, I could not sleep. My name was not on the list. I jumped out of the bed and wrote a mail to the Professor asking him to reconsider his decision. I was waiting for a reply, as if he would check my mail at morning 8 o’ clock and reply. I kept on clicking the Refresh button. I knew it. I had gone mad. 10 minutes and he actually replied. I thought it would be a positive reply. It was not. I cried. As if somebody close to me died. I did not cry or feel sad when almost every company kept on rejecting me during my Summer Internship placements. It was only five to ten minutes of sadness and not even a single drop of tear when I came to know that I did not get a PPI Call from the company where I did my summer internship, something which I was so sure of. But for this, such a small thing I cried. Academics never made me cry. But there are always first times.

Nothing. It was just selection for an elective, called Social Entrepreneurship. Something that is close to my heart. Everything that is close to my heart. I thought that this course is going to help me more than anything I have learnt, to achieve my dreams. Except my close friends, I never tell anybody what I want to achieve in life. Not even in my B-School interview. I actually had written a write-up telling the Professor my aim and even who is going to help me achieve it. I never even go plead a Professor for extra marks which I don’t deserve. When people do it, I feel like they are begging. Yesterday night after I found my name missing in the list, I thought of begging him to take me into this course. I would never talk to a Professor (or for that matter anybody) to build rapport just for getting things done for me. I think it is losing self respect which I value a lot. Yesterday night I decided that I would go down to any level to get into this course. Generally, I used to think a lot before getting any sort of help from friends. Yesterday, I even thought of asking one of my friends to drop out from the course so that I can get into the course.

He gave me reasons…. that social entrepreneurship is different from business entrepreneurship, that the selection was based on the write-up I gave; it would be unfair for others etc. etc. But my mind refused to accept all these. I replied him asking for an appointment to discuss it. The last resort… He replied immediately saying that I could discuss with him anything except this issue.

I cried again. It was as if I failed in the first step towards my dreams. As if, somebody else snatched my dreams away from me. I was jealous for everyone who had taken the course. All negative feelings rushed in. I started writing this blog. Then, my mobile rang.

She never calls me in the morning. Yesterday night we did not talk. So she called me today morning. I picked up and she said “Eppo kalyanam pannikalam (When shall we marry?)”.

Bloody ****. To hell with everything else…. Now, this course means nothing to me. Now, I don’t care about whether the course is offered to me or not. I can achieve everything even without this course. Nothing can stop me now. Even if nobody else is there with me, I will do what I wanted to.

Sorry....We will do what we wanted to.

There is much more that inspires than information. - Leo da Mirci.

Day 27 - Extremely Professional Management

2006-08-18T04:29:00.000+05:30

Miss you, my old computer - You never gave me problems!

I was happily working on my laptop until some viruses/spyware/Trojan/worm or something of that sort attacked laptop and my laptop became slow. All I wanted to do was remove the viruses/spyware/Trojan/worm. (Why the hell does this Office autocorrect trojan to Trojan?)

Start - action!! Try removing them using Symantec Antivirus. Does not work. Laptop still slow.
Spyware doctor requires a crack. Go to seriall.com to find a crack. Get to know new spyware that can attack your computer.
Think of what to do. Try all possible virus removal tools. Install ->Next->Next-> Next->Finish -> Run virus scan -> Msg says “All viruses removed”. Ha ha...
Get the happiness you get when you see “All Out” eating mosquitoes in the television ads.
Laptop still slow. As if it is smarter than you.
Ok done. Decide to format the laptop. Get a new Windows XP CD from distant friend.
Remove all data from C drive and store it in close friends’ computers. Format C drive and install Windows XP. Windows installed successfully. Laptop is fast.
Install all applications and start using them. Takes 5 hours approximately.
After one day, realise that you did not back up the data on the desktop or the one in My Documents. Additional bonus loss - outlook messages and favorites that you had added for the last 1 year.
Two days later. Laptop is again slow.
Somebody suggests -> “Dei, all viruses would have been in D drive. So what you do is full format.” Here is where the real fun begins.
Buy an external DVD writer thinking that all data should always be DVD backed up. We can uninstall the OS any time, load any data and always have backup.
Goddamn external DVD writer works fine. Write all data into Moserbaer DVDs. Find messages like some “Joliet format” not satisfied etc. etc. Learn to ignore hurdles.
Name the DVDs Leo_DVD_001 to Leo_DVD_005. Be proud of your naming conventions.
This time be smart. Write Outlook messages, data on the desktop and my documents to DVDs. Anyways forget Favorites again. Remember “Errors when repeated become mistakes”
Time for Full format. Get the same Windows XP CD from same distant friend.
Boot from the same XP CD and it says “******.sys” file missing. Kadaisiyaaha ithae CDil pona vaaram kaanappattaar. Was found last, previous week in the same CD. Missing since then.
Look for a different distant friend. But same CD(Windows XP).
Installs Windows XP. Asks for CD key. Eject CD, look for key on the CD and key in the CD key. The key does not work.
Brain works at last. Get CD key from the other CD where the .sys file is missing. Key in and it works(finally)
Windows XP installed successfully. Go on a tour with them free of cost.
Install MacAfee latest version bought by institute. MacAfee’s Virus on Access Scan shows “Buffer overflow” every now and then. Just a sumaal praablam.
Insert backed up DVD named Leo_DVD_001 into laptop’s CD writer (CD-RW/DVD R). Be proud of your naming conventions again. Imagine naming your kids like this.
Find that the CD Writer says that …or rather it does not say anything. Leo_DVD_001 not detected. Take DVD out insert in external DVD writer. It works fine.
Repeat previous step with Leo_DVD_001 to Leo_DVD_005. Get same result. Reliability checked.
Consistency check. Take DVD to friend’s laptop. Same company laptop. Same model. DVD recognized. Folders recognized. But unable to copy files.
Come back to room. Search on Web. IBM site says that some firmware has to be updated for all DVDs to be read in the CD writer. Now problem shifts to CD writer. Hence Laptop suddenly becomes fast.
Look for firmware updation software(CD image) in the internet. Download it.
Website asks you to burn bootable CD with image just downloaded. Go to IBM Recordnow. It does not have a burn image option.
Get Nero from institute software server. The serial crack does not work.
Get Nero CD that comes along the DVD writer. Install that. Serial works.
Insert blank Sony CD. Burn the CD with bootable firmware updation image. CD written. “Burn process Successful”. Postpone naming part. It is no more a required convention or one to be proud of.
Content check. Insert burnt CD again to check the content that was written. It is still a blank CD. Look up and say “Why” instead of “How?”. Actually hear Bernard Shaw saying “Don’t ask Why? Always ask Why not?”
Try writing image again. Half way through message pops up. “Buffer Overflow”. CD gone. This is what they call “Burning”(my heart).

The final status phasewise as on August 19th 2006, 3:50 a.m

Phase 1: Problem Identification phase

Problem identification successful. Problem could be with IBM R52, Windows XP CD, Windows XP Product, Symantec Antivirus, McAfee, Spyware Doctor, Nero, RecordNow, Moserbaer DVD, Sony CD, HL-DT-ST RW/DVD GCC(My CD writer), Samsung DVD writer, Joliet, my naming convention or any combination of these. Might be with me too, seriously.

Phase 2: Problem Analysis

Too much to ask for at 3:50 a.m.

Phase 3: Solutions / Alternatives Identification

Repeat formatting, search solutions on the net, go to sleep, download Emttan Mahan songs, play minesweeper or blog.

Phase 4: Choose best alternative

Blog.

Phase 5: Implement alternative

Done.

Phase 6: Realization phase

Understand that the alternative chosen was wrong. So go to sleep.

Day 26 - She, a beautiful miracle

2006-08-12T02:49:00.000+05:30

“The world is full of miracles. However, some miracles are the world for you. You are one such beautiful miracle”.

I wrote this four days before our first meeting.

“It is 3.30 a.m Sunday, April 2nd now. Only 4 more days to meet her. Only around 105 hrs to meet her. Actually I don’t want to wait here to finish my exams. Ippavae, I want to meet her. The cute little girl (kutti ponnu) I was waiting for, for four years.

She made me laugh. She also made me cry.
She gave me happiness. She also gave me pain.
She made me achieve things. She also made me lose things.
She made me love my ‘love’. She also made me hate my ‘love’.
She brought sunshine in my life. She also brought darkness to a small period of my life.
She is the reason for the best day of my life. She is also the reason for the worst day of my life.

But all that mattered was that she finally said “I love you. More than yesterday. Less than tomorrow.”

So whatever happens to the whole world around me, whatever happens to me & whatever happens, I will make sure that

She will only laugh, never cry.
She will only achieve, never lose.
She will only love our ‘love’ and never hate me.
She will only experience happiness, never pain.
She will only see sunshine, never darkness.
She will only have best days in life, only the best.”

She, I love you. I can’t live without you. I miss you.

Day 25 - A brief history of Afghanistan

2006-08-07T15:46:00.000+05:30

This blog is on one of the papers by Leo da Mirci which was a turning point in his career. This was the paper that marked his entry into the field of politics. This was the paper which made him one of the famous politico-economists of the world. Many people would have been interested in Afghanistan and the happenings in Afghanistan some time in the past. Here is Leo da Mirci’s take on Afghanistan’s politico-economy.

An abstract of the paper presented by Leo da Mirci at the Crazy Conference of the Capitalist Countries (CCCC) on June 21, 2006.

Abstract:

Afghanistan is a country which has a capital and it is a country which has people. People live in Afghanistan's capital. We shall look at these two important features, the capital and the people of Afghanistan in this paper on Afghanistan.

Capital of Afghanistan:

Afghanistan like most other countries has a capital. It is a good capital. Afghanistan’s capital is named after Afghanistan’s capital. It is a good name and people love it because it is named after their capital itself. The capital of Afghanistan is in the place where the capital of Afghanistan is located. The capital of Afghanistan is actually located near the places which are near the capital of Afghanistan. This makes it easy for people near the capital to go to the capital and vice versa. The headquarters of Afghanistan is its capital. It is surprising to note that that the capital of Afghanistan and Afghanistan’s capital have the same name. However, the people in Afghanistan do not get confused because by this, because both are the same places. What is more surprising is that Afghanistan’s capital is a proper noun and starts with a capital.

New Capital of Afghanistan:

History says that Afghanistan had an old capital before this new capital became its new capital. The old capital is now old. The new capital will become the old capital when they get another new capital. This will go on till Afghanistan exists and people exist in Afghanistan. Sometimes what can happen is that an old capital can become the new capital of Afghanistan. This in Afghanese terms is called “Kabul's theory of Capital Renewal”. Kabul is Afghanistan's new capital's name. When Afghnaistan gets another new capital the name of this theory will also change. Hence this theory is also termed as 'Dynamic capital theory'. The markets in the old and new capitals make Afghanistan one of the countries with high market capitalization.

People of Afghanistan:

Afghanistan consists of old and young people. People in Afghanistan are proud that they live in the capital. People live in the capital of Afghanistan because it is the capital of Afghanistan. Other people of Afghanistan who do not live in the capital of Afghanistan live in other places which are not the capitals of Afghanistan. According to Marwin’s theory of revolution, Afghanese people have evolved out of revolutions that happened in the country. The people of Afghanistan have two names. One is their original name. In addition to their original names they are also called “Afghans”. Marwin’s theory however does not explain whether they were Afghans and therefore in Afghanistan or they were in Afghanistan first and hence Afghans. This is famously known as the “Afghan Anomaly”.

The paper also gives a detailed review of the Kaptol’s theory and Marwin’s theory. It also tries to find out a solution for the Afghan Anomaly.

The paper ends by saying that

“People are important for a country. The capital is also important for a country. If and only if people are there markets will function. Without people there is no market. To sell vegetables, fish or anything in a market we need people. To buy vegetables, fish or anything we need people. However we cannot buy vegetables in a fish market or fish in a vegetable market. So the term market loses its meaning when there are no people as a market is resource dependant. Hence human capital (or people capital) is more important for a country than market capital or any other capital (like Afghanistan’s capital). This is a learning that the organizations can take from Afghanistan.”

Now you would understand why Leo da Mirci is respected throughout the world.

Day 24 - Crazy kavithais

2006-08-07T15:11:00.000+05:30

Crazy kavithais at last.


கலரு ஃபிகரு

நீ ஆளு red கலரு
உன் முடி brown கலரு
உன் பல்லு black கலரு
உன் நெயில் பாலிஷ் yellow கலரு
கலர் காம்பினேசன் அங்கங்க மாறினாலும்
எனக்குன்னு கணக்கா இருக்கல்ல அது போதும்

அட்டு ஃபிகரு

என் அலாரம் இப்போதெல்லாம் ஆறு மணிக்கே அடிக்கிறது...
நீ தினமும் ஏழு மணிக்கு கோவிலுக்கு போவதால்...
என்ன இருந்தாலும் அணைச்சுட்டு எட்டே முக்காலுக்குத்தான் கண்விழிக்கிறேன்
நீ அட்டு ஃபிகரு என்பதால்..

வாழ்க்கையின் வயது

மானிடா...

உப்பு தப்பு செய்வதில்லை
கப்பு காபி குடிப்பதில்லை
கடியாரம் மணி பார்ப்பதில்லை
பணியாரம் பழம் சாப்பிடுவதில்லை
Lunchக்கு பஞ்சு அலைவதில்லை
கஞ்சிக்கு இஞ்சி அவசியமில்லை
அது போலத்தான் வாழ்க்கையும்...
வாழ்க்கைக்கு ஒரு போதும் வயசாவதில்லை!!

வாடி போடி(Contributed by Satin Gates)

வந்தா வாடி...
வராட்டா போடி...
ஆனா அடிக்கடி வந்துட்டு போடி...

நினைப்பு தான்(Contributed by Satin Gates)

நீ Coffee குடிக்க வருவாய் என்று நினைத்தேன்
Tea குடிக்க போய் விட்டாய்
நீ Messக்கு வருவாய் என்று நினைத்தேன்
Canteen போய் விட்டாய்
நீ என்னுடன் வருவாய் என்று நினைத்தேன்
அவனுடன் போய் விட்டாய்
நீ அவனுடனாவது இருப்பாய் என்று நினைத்தேன்
இப்போ வேறொருத்தனுடன் ஓடி போய்விட்டாயே!!!

e-காதல்

அன்பே நீ ஒரு முக்காலி
பாரு உன் மூக்குல ஈ
கண்ணே நீ நான் உட்காரும் நாக்காலி
பாரு உன் நாக்குல ஈ
பெண்ணே நீ ஒரு பெங்காலி
ஏன்னா பெண் காலுல ஈ
அன்பே நீ நான் உடுத்தும் கைலி
ஹா ஹா ஹா உன் கைல ஈ
போதும் போதும் ஓட்டியது...
நீ அழகு தான் காதலி...
ஐயையோ!! உன் காதுல ஈ..

Actually I am planning to publish a book with kavithais like these (I I O adikka varatheenga). At least with such kavithais I believe I will get a chance to write for Perarasu's movies. Till I get a chance the sufferings are only for those who read this blog.

Day 23 - Kaadhal konjam....

2006-06-27T18:48:00.000+05:30

As usual, I am so busy with no work. So blogging.
எனக்கு ஒரு ஆசை... நல்லா இருக்குற தமிழ் பாடல்களின் மெட்டுல நாமளும் பாட்டு எழுதணும்னு. ஒரு பாட்டு கூட சரியா எழுத முடியல. அதனால Leo da Mirciயோட கவிதை தொகுப்பில் இருந்து ஒரு பாட்டு, நான் எழுத நினைச்சது போல...

(பாடல் - என் மேல் விழுந்த மழைத்துளியே - மே மாதம்)

நீ காதலைச் சொன்ன மறுகணமே
சுவாசிக்கக் கூட மறந்திடுவேன்
நம் இதயம் இணைந்த நொடிப்பொழுதில்
புதிதாய் பூமியில் பிறந்திடுவேன்

உன் பார்வை பட்ட பனித்துளிகள்
பருகியே நானும் வாழ்ந்திடுவேன்
உன் பாதம் தொட்ட இடமெல்லாம்
இரவினில் சென்று வசித்துடுவேன்
உன் கைவிரல் தீண்டிய காற்றைத்தான்
வாழும் வரைக்கும் சுவாசிப்பேன்

நீ கண்கள் மூடி திறக்கும் முன்பு
பூக்களால் பூமியை நிரப்பிடுவேன்
உன் சேலை உரசிய மலரெடுத்து
ஓவியங்கள் நான் வரைந்திடுவேன்
உன் இதயம் துடிக்கும் இசையெடுத்து
ஓவியங்களுக்கு உயிர் கொடுப்பேன்
உன் உதடுகள் சிந்திய சொல்லெடுத்து
உயிருக்குள் காதலை எழுதிடுவேன்

நீ காதலை மறுத்தால் மறுகணமே
சுவாசிக்க நானும் மறந்திடுவேன்
நீ இல்லை என்று சொல்லி விட்டு
இமைக்கும் முன்பே இறந்திடுவேன்

உன் கைவிரல் தீண்டிய காற்றில் நான்
உணர்வுகளாக உறைந்திருப்பேன்
உன் சேலை உரசிய மலரெடுத்து
என் உணர்வுகளுக்கொரு உடல் வரைவேன்
உன் இதயம் துடிக்கும் இசையெடுத்து
என் உடலுக்கு நானே உயிர் கொடுப்பேன்
உன் உதடுகள் சிந்திய சொல்லெடுத்து
உன் உயிருக்குள் காதலை எழுதிடுவேன்

எத்தனை முறை நான் இறந்தாலும்
மீண்டும் உனக்காய் அவதரிப்பேன்
எத்தனை முறை நான் உயிர்த்தாலும்
உனை மட்டும் தானே காதலிப்பேன்

Leo da Mirci.

Will soon come up with a crazy blog. Or some crazy kavithais...

Day 22 - Antha Oru Naal (One day Celebrity)

2006-06-02T13:34:00.000+05:30

To say that “I am lucky” is an understatement. I have always been lucky, more than lucky. I always got what I wanted. Family, friends, job, education, love etc. etc… I should find some other word to describe it - “Lucky” is really an understatement. But my biggest luck – June 10 2004 here it is!!!

June 8, 2004

I woke up in my flat, Thiruvanmiyur, Chennai.

I wore an “I have to wash it at least today” category towel and took bath in cold water.

There was a small problem with the television. It gets switched off when I switch it on. Got very bored.

There were a few women from the nearby slums fighting like anything near the ground floor. I learnt two new Tamil words which I will never use.

The local plumber knocked the room and asked me to donate for some Pooja. I refused. He gave me a look which said “Why do people like you still live in this world?”

I had breakfast, lunch and dinner alone.

June 10, 2004

I woke up in Maurya Sheraton, Delhi. (Alex told me that Clinton had stayed there when he came to India.)

The television in my room had a separate channel to show the channels and the numbers. (They don’t call it a room. These semi-literate people call it a suite. I practiced a lot to pronounce it "sweet" and not "soot")

For the first time in my life I wore a bath robe. (Or was it the first time I saw it?)

I took bath in the bath tub for an hour. (Definitely the first time I am taking a...I mean, I am seeing a bath tub)

Aishwarya Rai was staying one floor below my room.(Has nothing to do with the previous statement)

This guy smiled at me when I asked him to pose for a photograph. He had a Mangal Pandey moustache.... no he actually was Mangal Pandey. Aamir Khan too stayed in the same hotel. (This actually has something to do with the previous statement - both Aish and Aamir represented Coke)

Sunil Mittal asked me which place I was from. (Enga oorlayum Airtel connection irukku theriyumaa?)

Ajith Pal Singh (the captain of the Indian hockey team, last time India won the Olympic gold) traveled in the same bus as I.

Palache Sen sat next to me. (and gave a boring lecture on how passionate he was about India)

I shook hands with Aishwarya Rai.(There is a full length comedy story behind it)

Shankar Mahadevan had dinner with me, same table.

Drums Sivamani asked me in Tamil, “Ennappa naan nallaa vaasichaenaa?”

I talked to Mandira Bedi and had my brother talk to her over the phone. (My brother told me later that he asked her, “What is your role in Manmadhan?”. Her reply was - “Wait and Watch” - What else would she say about that role?)

Saw Vivek Oberoi and Aishwarya together on the stage.(Rumours are afloat that the first spat between them was after I shook hands with Aishwarya)

Somebody said “Excuse me”. I was obstructing her way. I turned back to see Simran.

Saw Charu Sharma, Sheila Dikshit, Vijay Mallaya, Sunil Dutt, Anjali Bhagat, Rahul Bose, Kavitha Krishnamurthy, L. Subramaniam and a lot of celebrities.

I was not that lucky. I could not see Rahul Dravid. (It is a little too much to ask for but I would have sacrificed all the above for that)

Should be easy to guess why I was a celebrity

June 12, 2004

I woke up in my flat, Thiruvanmiyur.

I wore an “I have to wash it at least today+4” category towel and took a bath in cold water…

Hmm.....And life continued as usual.

Day 21 - What should I name it?

2006-06-02T13:18:00.000+05:30

"Next time you go to bed, don’t think of how much you have earned that day, how many times your boss appreciated you that day or how many good things your colleagues told about you that day. Think of the time you did not give your loved ones, the time that you sacrificed to get all these. Think whether it is really worth it."
- Leo da Mirci.

My brother is like any other brother in this world. Nothing special. Whenever he comes home we sit around him hearing all the stories that happened in school, college and wherever he had been. He starts talking and we laugh, laugh and laugh. He smiles at everybody. He makes everybody smile. There is not a single person in the world who hates him. There is not a single person in the world whom he has hurt. Every time I told him “Please… do it for me”, he would say “Panraennaa” and run immediately for helping me. If I tell him any of my problems, he would immediately say “Naan irukkaenla anna kavalaipadaathey”(I am there anna. Don’t worry). He calls me “Lae Anna” - the perfect example of the respect he has for me and the very close friendship we share.

The testimonials his friends have written for him in orkut make me feel proud. He is just the type of person this world would be proud of. He goes beyond what he can do to help others, non-materialistic and kind. When he sees children on the road, begging he would say “I will do something for all such children some day. When I get my salary I will help them annaa”. He would have, but the problem is, one year after passing out from college, he hasn’t got his first salary.

I feel responsible. I haven’t spent for him, even 1% of the time I spent helping my friends.

When he was preparing for his entrance exams, he asked me to come home and help him. Instead I chose to spend time with my friends in college.

When he was in college I could have taught him everything. I never cared to. I spent my time enjoying life, creating problems for myself and solving them.

Whenever my mother asked me to teach him during my summer holidays, I told her “Amma, he will study if he wants to”, all because I wanted to enjoy my summer holidays.

When he finished college, he told me that he did not want to get into the software industry. I just asked him to continue searching for a job in the software industry. I did not even spend a minute thinking about what other career options he had. My post graduation became more important to me than his life.

And a lot more Whens… which I did not even care to remember.

Now, I sit down and think of them. I have not done anything for the closest friend I have in life. Agreed, he himself should have done a lot of things. He should have worked hard, he should have done this and that…but I worry because even if he had done nothing, I could have made a lot of difference in his life. But, I chose to be selfish.

Today I talked to him. He talked to me in a very low tone, a tone which was not the cheerful one I love to hear. I was left with a very heavy heart. Every moment my heart beats, it seems to say “If you had spent some time for him he would have been cheerful today”. I don’t know what else to say.

Day 20 - A world without underscores!!!

2006-05-17T21:46:00.000+05:30

The beginning of a variable should not be an underscore - the first time I came across an underscore - as far as I can remember. Right from that day I hated underscores. Why does this world need an underscore? Couldn’t we have email ids if there was no underscore? Couldn’t we have variables without an underscore? Won’t we get free colour TVs if there were no underscore? Won’t we get rice at Rs. 2 per kg without an underscore? We would. Then why the hell do we need an underscore?

While I was working as a software engineer (we can have a separate discussion on whether it is right to call what software engineers do “work”, or whether it is right to call people in the software industry as engineers)… Ok. What was I saying…Yes, while I was working as a software engineer, I used to debug programs and create more bugs in the process. However what bugged me most during the process was underscores. Every program had hundreds of underscores. All variables were either read_data, write_data, customer_order, customer_name and hell lot of other underscored variables.

Why do you use an underscore when there is always an option of using a dot? I don’t understand. Here is a list of reasons why we should not use an underscore.

Effort: You have to press two keys to type an underscore, the shift key and the underscore key. Once you press the shift key, you have to keep it pressed till your index/ring finger (or any other thing that you use to press underscore key) reaches the underscore key. This requires a lot of effort every time. Pressing a dot requires no effort.

Efficiency: If we assume that for every variable, on an average we have one underscore, then for every variable we have in the program we can save one keystroke. Hence we can create more variables in the programs with the saved time and create more confusion.

Time_1: It takes more time to press an underscore. An underscore is at a distance of around 2 cms to 3 cms from the shift key in an ordinary keyboard. After pressing the shift key the index/ring finger (or whatever you use to press the underscore key) has to move the distance of 2 cms to 3 cms before the underscore key is pressed. This results in unnecessary wastage of time that is crucial in a software engineer’s life. The time can be used for reading useless blogs like this. It can also be used for writing useless blogs like this.

More_chance_of_Errors: If pressing the underscore is considered as a transaction, the transaction consists of two tasks. Either both the tasks should be complete or none should be complete (this is some atomicity principle). If the shift key alone is pressed, it will result in missing an underscore and if the underscore key is alone pressed it results in a dash. Hence there are more chances of errors occurring while coding if you use an underscore.

Sticky_keys: Many a time we find that while we are using a shift key a window pops up and says “Sticky Keys” … This might be a big problem for programmers who do not know what sticky keys are, why they pop up etc. They might become nervous, perspire and finally all keys may become sticky…

Time_2: The word Underscore takes more time to say than the word Dot. Hence if one of your friends asks you “Machaan, what is the name of the variable used in the sum function da?” you might find it temporally economical to say “Number dot one” than say “Number underscore one”.

Underscores_more_than_two: When there are more than one successive underscores present in a variable it is very difficult to identify the number of underscores. But more than one dot in succession can be identified. (Type two or more underscores in a notepad and you will find that you get a straight line - Type more than one dot in a notepad and you can clearly identify the individual dots. From this we also find that, a line is a combination of underscores and not a combination of points as we studied in class 5th).

All the above factors that were discussed for variables hold good for email IDs as well.

Leave all the above factors. What hurt me most was seeing comments like

/*This program was written by Siva_Subramaniam */
/* The consumer_utility module was last updated by Alex_Pillai */

Using underscores for writing names!!!

Hence I request all you programmers, email users and any other underscore users to stop using an underscore and start using a dot. Let us stop this whole underscore bungle. Let’s do that before we start answering interviewers “My name Sir, I am Harish underscore Venkadakrishnan and my father is a share underscore market underscore trader.” Let’s create a world where there are no underscores, only dots.

Leo da Mirci always dreamt of a world free of underscores. In his book “Programming in Fancy Sea” he says

“As a programmer, I want to underscore the fact that one should dot one’s i’s and cross one’s t’s but never use an underscore. An underscore can never become a dotted line. I do not dream of a world without war. I do not dream of a world without poverty. I dream of a world without underscores.”

Hope you all under….understood what I wanted to convey. Bye till next time.

Day 19 - The First Meeting

2006-05-16T00:02:00.000+05:30

Think of, dream, imagine what all could/would happen when you meet the person you love for the first time. How you would behave, what you would do… I sat down and thought what would happen.

The First Meeting

We both were from the same town. It was years after we first saw each other. It was months after I proposed. It was weeks after she accepted. We wanted to meet. We decided to meet.

There were a lot of constraints. Complex constraints. Our families were a little conservative. We were sure that our parents would get us married. But, we were also sure that our parents would never accept if they knew that we were in love. So, we cannot meet at our hometown. We decided to meet at the place she studied. It was on the way from my college to our hometown.

I was going home on vacation. I always take a train when I go home. She always travels in a bus. We cannot reach home together. And that meant that we cannot travel together. But we had to. We decided to take a train together from the place she studied. She would then get down at a station before our hometown and take a bus home. We were supposed to meet at her place at 12.30. Our train was at 3.30 p.m. She would be getting down at 7.30 p.m. We had around 3 hours in her place and 4 hours on the train to talk. And then we had one more year to wait for our next meeting.

Every time I woke up, every time she went to sleep, every time I went to the church, every time she prayed, every time I studied, every time she wrote an exam, every time I talked, every time she dreamt, all we were thinking of was our first meeting.

The day arrived. I reached her place at around 10.45 a.m. Her classes get over only by 12.30 a.m. I went to the railway station, kept all my luggage in the cloak room and walked towards the church nearby. We had decided that our first meeting should be in a church. She is religious. I am not that religious. I believe in prayers and not in churches or temples. However, I too felt that we should meet in a church. At least all my prayers have been answered till now. I reached the church at 11.45 a.m.

I was waiting for her inside the church. It was 12.30. Whenever the door opened, I would look for her face. It would be someone else. I was so anxious. I waited for ten more minutes. She didn’t turn up. I called her up. She said that her classes got over a little late and she would there in a few minutes. I came out of the church and sat on the verandah. It was 1.00 p.m. Already half an hour was lost.

It was 1.05 p.m when she stepped down from an auto. She was searching for me. I called her. “Hey Pattikkaadu, Eppadi irukka”. She smiled. “Shall we go inside the church”, she said. We went inside the church. We were alone in the church. She got her shawl over her head. She knelt down and prayed. Should have been the first time when everybody inside the church asked for the same thing to God.

After finishing her prayers she turned back at me and nodded. It meant, “We shall go”. We walked to a hotel nearby. “AC”, she said. We had lunch, south Indian meals. I was the one who was talking. She didn’t talk much. She only answered my questions; without even looking at my face.

It was 1.45. She was carrying a heavy bag. I offered to carry it. She said that she will manage. I didn’t want to insist that I will carry it for her and show her that I can carry heavy bags. I just said “When you feel that it is difficult, give it to me”. We walked towards the railway station. Half way through, she gave me the bag. I carried it.

We went to the cloak room and kept her bag there and went to the platform. We sat in one of the chairs in the platform. She started talking. As she used to talk over the phone. We talked about our parents. We talked about our families. We talked about our village. We talked about music and movies. We talked about our colleges. We knew it, but still we talked about how similar we were. I switched on my laptop. She was surprised to see a picture that she knew was hers on the desktop.

It went on… Every now and then she would look around and say “If somebody sees us, we won’t get married”. I would say, “Only if somebody sees us, we won’t get married”. We went to a juice shop. I said “I will take a Saathukkudi (Sweet Lime)”. She said she will take whatever I take. I said, “I should have asked for your preference first, illa?”. She said “Yes. Then I would have ordered a Saathukkudi first”.

It was 4.00 p.m when the train came. The train was late by 30 minutes. We boarded the train. She sat near the window. I sat next to her. She showed me all her photographs, right from her childhood. She kept on talking about the photographs. I showed her a few poems I had written about her. It seemed that we talked very little. But, the next time I looked at my watch the time was 7 p.m.

It was almost time to leave. She gave me two gifts. She asked me to open them only after she leaves. I wished I could open them immediately. Also, I wished she never leaves. The last half an hour, we didn’t talk much. We were concerned more about departing. The train stopped at the next station. She was leaving me. I carried her luggage. It was my heart which was heavy now.

I stepped out of the train. Our train was waiting for another train to cross. For the next half an hour, we stood at the platform facing each other, not knowing what to speak, not able to digest the fact that we won’t meet again for long. She said “It does not seem like we are meeting each other for the first time. It seems like we have lived together for years.” The other train passed by. Our train started. I got in. “Sari paakkalaam”, both of us said. I watched her moving away from me. Till she became the smallest point I can see.

I came back to the seat near the window. It was hers till a few minutes back. The gifts were lying by my side. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I opened the lid of my laptop. I saw the picture on my desktop, the mother holding her child in her arms. I cried for the second time seeing it. It was 8:20 p.m, April 6, 2006.

The end of the beginning.

Day 18 - Year 22

2006-04-25T21:39:00.000+05:30

"Is life worth it?" - Not for me as long as I am in Mumbai. Very busy(filim illappa). Still I thought I should spend at least some time for the person who made me write.

Today's log in my diary - the shortest ever:
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A in love - experienced dreams, remembering only C.
Happy Birthday.
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Reminded of two poems.

::::: Thaboo Shankar

"Ellaa naatkalum varuthappadukindrana. Un pirantha naalaai piranthirukka koodaatha endru"

"All days are sad. For, they did not give birth as your birthday"
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::::: Vairamuthu's Thanner Desam

The gift that the hero gives the heroine on her birthday. The best I could ever think of!!!
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Day 17 - Left right in the center

2006-03-16T23:07:00.000+05:30

Almost everyone is writing a blog on Ganguly nowadays. Being a staunch supporter of Ganguly right from the beginning, I thought it was right and I had the right to write about Ganguly.

Right, lets start. Ganguly is a left batsman and a right bowler. But, a right bowler only on the right pitches. And never the right fielder. Ganguly drives left but writes right. Just because he writes right can he be considered right? Just because he drives left, can he be left out (of the team)? Was Wright right in thinking that Ganguly was the right man for the job? Wasn’t Wright himself left? Did Chappell have the right to write to the board about Ganguly? Did Chappell go beyond his rights to have Ganguly left out? Dravid, once Ganguly’s right hand and a right hander himself - why didn’t he write to the board in support of Ganguly? Why is the left supporting Ganguly? Is it because he bats left? Or is it because they are left with no other issues to fight with the center?

No one knows the right answers for these questions. Nobody has the right to ask the BCCI. All these questions will be left hanging in the air forever. Leo da Mirci proposed a solution to all these questions in these simple words

“When Wright was the coach, Ganguly was the captain and Ganguly was mostly right. Soon Ganguly was left out and Wright left the team. Now, Chappell is the coach and Dravid is the captain but Dravid can never be Chappell. So Dravid won’t be left out and so Chappell shouldn’t leave the team”. Leo da Mirci is right, right?

One thing I can understand from this solution is “Chappals shouldn’t be left out (of chapels or temples). They will be stolen by Ganguly (both the right and left ones).”

Right. I hear you saying “Stop writing and leave us right now”. I will. Before that answer this simple question that Ganguly asked recently when a reporter asked him about his batting…

“If I say I am left, am I right?”

It is difficult to answer even such simple questions. That is life!!!

Day 16 - Surprised!!!

2006-03-16T22:34:00.000+05:30

Never ever in my life has a month’s time been as interesting and eventful as this. Staring from February 16th till today, it was a once in a life time experience, filled with surprises and happiness. Filled with surprises that ended in happiness.

My blog being quoted in a few sites, few of my friends(ok, only two) sending mails saying “I got your blog as a forward da!!!”, reading the last chapter of Ponniyin Selvan (literally full of surprises), reading Parthiban Kanavu and finding out how similar it is to my life, Leo da Mirci recovering from Coma, the new experience of being glued to my mobile phone for an hour without knowing what to speak and the coincidences (???) that occur in the process are quite a few to say.

A small account on each of these surprises.

Blog - I missed writing for a month.
Ponniyin Selvan - Don’t miss it.
Parthiban Kanavu - How did I miss the similarity!!!
Leo da Mirci - I missed him for two months.
Mobile phone - I had to pretend that I missed it for a few days. Now… I never miss a call, especially the missed calls.
Coincidences - Enough of them to make me say “I too miss you”.

I won’t have another month like this in life. Most of the days had events I will never forget. Actually, almost everyone.

Day 15 - Life and Love

2006-02-19T02:14:00.000+05:30

My blog on Day 5 was after a mail I received that stunned me. This blog too is after a mail I received recently that stunned me(this time for a change it was good). A very long blog. So read only if you have enough time to.

Besant Nagar, Chennai - A few years back.

It was around 1 o’ clock in the morning. It was so cold. I was sitting on one of the steps in the verandah of the Besant Nagar church. It was filled with mud, papers and all kinds of dirty material. Swarms of mosquitoes were flying around me. There were a few people around me, sleeping soundly. I recognized one guy on the right corner of the verandah. Every week while coming back from the church, I used to pay a rupee to that poor fellow. ‘Now, I am sleeping in a place where he slept daily’. I couldn’t control anymore. Tears flowed down my eyes. I closed my eyes. No more tears. Sleep!!! Sleep!!! I slept there on the steps.

I woke up. It was 3.30 in the morning. I started walking towards the beach. I was alone in the beach. There was nobody around me. I thought, “What am I doing? Where is this life going?” The last few years had been pain. Nothing but pain. I needed a friend. I wanted to talk to somebody. But, nobody was there. A wave showered my feet. I saw the sea. May be it is calling me. I wanted to die. I wanted the waves to take me away. But… it would be more pain!!. Should I do it? No, I wont. I am not a coward… Or may be I am not brave enough to do it!! Tears…. again. I am going to do it. I stepped forward towards the sea. It was going to be the end.

Suddenly I heard somebody shouting. It was a policeman.
Yaarudaa athu?(Who is it?) - he shouted.

He started coming towards me. I knew what was coming. I took out my ID card. Before he could ask anything I started speaking.
“Sir, I am from this college”, I gave him my ID card.
“Intha timela ennappa panrae inga?” (What are you doing here at this time?).
His tone was soft now. Was it because he saw the card or because he saw my eyes?. I didn’t answer.
“How did you come here?”
“Bike sir”. “You are not supposed to be here after 10. Leave now”, he said.

I was surprised he didn’t ask any questions. He came with me to the church. I had parked my bike there. It was the only thing that had been with me for the past few years.

Finally he asked me, “Did you fail in your exam?”. I smiled...
“I have never failed in an exam”, I said. He looked back at me, confused. I started the bike. I took off to my hostel.

I did not asked the policeman’s name. I have forgotten his face. I don’t know who he is. It is ironic that sometimes, you don’t know some of the most important people in your life. Sometimes I think that God doesn’t exist. But he does.

Home - May, three months later

I was home for my summer holidays. Your results were declared that day. Whenever tenth standard or twelfth standard results are declared, I will be busy. People call up home, come home and ask me to get the results through the net. I got your register number as well, just one of the many I got.

Till that morning, you were just ‘another girl’ to me. The results started coming in. I saw your score. I told you the score. You were a district ranker. That meant being on newspapers for the next two days. I saw you jumping with joy. A little girl jumping with joy. I was happy for you.

My mother started telling me about you. I never cared to listen about any girl till then, for I thought no girl would ever look at me. I don’t know why, but I listened that day.

You mesmerized people with your speeches. You read all the books in the world. You were a celebrity in school. You were cheerful. You were beautiful. You played chess so well. You solved crosswords in moments. You loved puzzles. You never missed a quiz on TV. You fought for Vikatan. You loved reading poems. You painted so well. You were very intelligent. You were kind to people. You smiled, always. And finally you were so good at heart.

It was as if somebody was repeating all that I had in mind. The perfect person to share my life. The character I had etched in my mind, but felt that I was not worthy getting. You were the person I wanted to be in life. You were the person I wanted in my life. I knew nothing about you the previous day. It was as if I knew everything about you now.

Evening came. You came to my house. The first time I saw you so close. Smiling all the time. Happy as ever. You talked. I watched. Till then, I didn’t want anything in life. Now, I wanted everything in life. To share them with you. Everyday I came to know more about you, I started loving you more. And before my vacations were over, the unfilled part of the puzzle was filled. You got admission where what you wanted. You were going to be a !!!!!!

But………Unless I change myself I am not going to have a life with you!!! I changed.

I came back to college. I worked hard, harder than ever I had worked. For you. I changed. Letters to you filled up my diaries. I talked to you daily through them. I got a job. Only because of you. College was over. I joined my first job. I disliked it. I joined another. People at the job hated me. My diary was my sole outlet. All that was pushing me was you. I wanted to do something more. For you. I resigned my job.

I came home. I saw you. I talked to you. Very little. But that was enough. I spent the six months preparing for my MBA. I wrote my MBA exams.

I came home again. You too were at Cornigela. It seemed as if whenever I came home they sent you home on holidays. I worked hard. I read a lot. We talked a little about books. We smiled whenever we saw each other. I prepared for my interviews. Harder, harder and harder. You were there at your home all the time. Every day I heard your voice at least once. More letters went into my diary. You asked me to get a few novels for you. I got a lot of novels for you. You read them. So, I read them all. I worked hard, I had no worries, for you were there with me. I did well in my interviews. I got what I wanted. Admission for an MBA in a premier B-School. And then…… I saw a drawing of yours. A mother with a child. I cried… I took it with me wherever I went… I saw your face in that. I loved you more than ever.

I was in college after 2 years. I wanted to prove something for all that I didn’t do in my graduation. I had the drawing with me. It was enough to give me all the energy I needed. I became one of the top 5 in class. Something I would never have done if it hadn’t been for you. I watched episode after episode of Friends wishing that I would watch it with you one day.

I mailed you. I couldn’t wait. I mailed you again hinting that I wanted to share my life with you. You replied. But, you replied hinting that I was like a brother to you. You said you wouldn’t be mailing me back again for long. I cried. I took my diary to write a letter to you. There was only one page left. I opened my laptop to watch Friends. Only the last episode was left. It all seemed to be the end. I cried all day.

I came home for vacations. I couldn’t talk to you. The door was shut, I thought. It all seemed to be over. February 14th came. I drank for the first time in life. You are the reason for what I am now. And you might be the reason for what I will be in the future, I thought.

Two days passed. I got a mail from you. I couldn’t believe it. You wanted to talk to me. You wanted to chat with me. You said you will mail me every week. You said you wanted discuss everything with me. You said you had been longing for a friend like me. You said a lot more things. And finally you said, “Thanks for all the help you had done”…
Then, what should I say to you?

Two people. I know nothing about one. I know everything about the other. I cant remember one’s face. I cant forget the other’s. I will never meet one. I will never leave the other. Lots of differences. But both changed my life, forever. I will never forget them, never ever.

Day 14 on February 14

2006-02-17T02:48:00.000+05:30

A moment in time when I am the happiest person in the world - occurred today!!! And it is time to celebrate it with a crazy blog.

After reading the last blog, Sathish told me, “dey…read your blog.. frank feedback.. its not interesting da..”.

Hearing that, I wanted to come up with a decent blog on February 14th. I wanted it to be titled ‘Day 14’. But, I couldn’t find time to write a blog titled ‘Day 14’ on February 14th. Now, if I have to come up with a blog titled ‘Day 14’ on February 14, I will have to wait for one more year. I can do that, but till that I will not be able to update my blog (for a year). So I decided that instead of waiting for a year, I will title my blog Day 14 on February 14. This way I will be satisfied that I wrote a blog titled Day 14 on February 14.

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A few funny facts about Valentine’s day that I swear you wont know…

Who is Valentine?

Valentine according to Webster’s dictionary is a masculine name. According to “Leo da Mirci”, Valentine is derived form the word ‘valence’ - the capacity of an element to combine with another to form a new molecule (which is obviously right). So the best choice for Valentine would be the element with the highest valency, possibly Osmium/Ruthenium with a valency of 8.

What is Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s Day is a time span of 24 hrs starting at 12 midnight on February 14th (inclusive) and ending at 12 midnight on February 15th (exclusive). Though Valentine’s Day is called Valentine’s day, we still can see that there is also a night on Valentine’s Day. This is a contradiction. Moreover, Valentine’s day does not belong to Valentine alone. It belongs to everyone. This is another contradiction. However, on Valentine’s day the sun rises in the east. This is not a contradiction.

When does it fall?

I pity February 14th. Every year Valentine’s Day falls on February 14. Won’t it hurt for February 14th, if something keeps on falling on it again and again every year? Somehow we human beings, having a humane mind should stop this occurrence. Anyhow, if you analyze the occurrence carefully, you will find that Valentines Day falls on February 14th, exactly on February 14th every year. This is an amazing coincidence. You will find nothing else that is coincident here, since I cannot think of anything else.

Why does Valentine’s day fall on February 14th?

Valentine’s day is all about the bonding between a female and a male. Shortly, F & M bonding. In the series of months, such a bonding occurs only between February that starts with an F and March that starts with an M. Of these, the first choice would be February. (because ‘first’ starts with an F and ‘February’ starts with an F).

According to Swami Shiv Shankar, a close friend of mine it falls on 14th because there are 7 days in a week and there are 2 people involved in love. But according to me, it falls on 14th because almost all the relationships of love start with a 2 lettered word HI. The first word the lovers speak is a HI. Now, use a calculator to find out that an inverted 14 will give you a hi.

How does Valentine’s day fall?

There are no exact answers for this question. Though scientific research is going on, the only thing that is sure is that the day falls as time falls. Time falls when your watch falls. Watch falls when your strap fails. The strap fails when water falls with force on it when you are taking bath. Water falls with force from waterfalls. Hence, Valentine’s Day falls like waterfalls.

That’s much info about Valentine’s day for now. Enough of crazy funda. This is what occurs to people when you don’t have a Valentine to celebrate Valentine’s days. Sema kadups!!!
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Finally, after too much of talk about ‘days’, another small interesting information about days in my blog.

As we all know, “the end of every day is the start of another”. Check it out in my blog. I have tried to maintain it throughout my blog.

Day 13 - Tsunami & Ponniyin Selvan

2006-02-14T01:35:00.000+05:30

The second time I came across a reference to Tsunami happening in India, before it had occurred!!!

The first one was in the film Anbe Sivam where Kamal Haasan argues with Maddy that Tsunami can & will occur even in India. (Dialogues written By Madhan(Haai) of Ananda Vikatan).

I came across the second one when I was reading Ponniyin Selvan, a novel on the history of Cholas (during Raja Raja Cholan’s period). Ponniyin Selvan was written by Kalki in the early 1950s.

In the novel, Raja Raja Cholan’s father Sundara Cholan, in a completely different context tells his daughter,


 புயலினால் கடற்கரையில் தென்னை மர உயரம் அலைகள்
 எழும்பும். உள்நாட்டில் வெகுதூரம் கடல் பொங்கி வந்து மூழ்க
 அடிக்கும். காவேரிப்பட்டினத்தை அன்று ஒருநாள் கடல்
 கொண்டது போல் நாகப்பட்டினத்தையும் கொண்டு போனாலும்
 போய் விடும்.

The English translation would be something like,

“Storms will cause the waves on the shore rise to the height of a coconut tree. The sea will invade the land and submerge the whole place. Just like Kaveripattinam was destroyed by the sea, Nagapattinam might be destroyed one day.”

The novel also has a lot of references to such huge waves that hit the shores. The descriptions of huge waves, monstrous waves etc. are almost the same, except that they are not called Tsunami.

I just read it again and again to see whether it was really Nagapattinam that was mentioned!!! Having watched the damages caused by Tsunami right in front of my eyes in Kanyakumari, I was shocked.

Though references like these might be just coincidences, when you come across them after such tragic events, they shake you for a moment !!!

Day 12 - A Sizzling Puzzle

2006-02-02T05:19:00.000+05:30

To comment on Leo da Mirci’s puzzles, one has to be a born genius. As one of Leo da Mirci’s fans all that I can say is “I love Leo da Mirci!!!” (If at all you understand what I mean…)

I recently solved the “Da Vinci Webquest”
(http://www.randomhouse.com/doubleday/davinci/index-ctc.html) after spending a lot of time on it. All the answers were available on the net, but still made up my mind that I am not going to look into them. Finally I had to get one answer from the net. However it was fun. Felt happy that I was able to solve all other questions on my own.

Just like Leonardo da Vinci, Leo da Mirci is also a master of puzzles. This is one of Leo da Mirci’s puzzles from his book “Sizzling Puzzles”. Try to solve it.

The Puzzle:

The American Doctor

I do claim reluctantly that I found a medico liar when I was in America. When I first met her she told me, "I do miracles!!”. She said she no longer believed in oral medicine. She said that she has an ideal micro-chip that, once fitted in human beings, can be a cure for all diseases. She also said that it provides purified air, melodic sound waves that reduce tension and a lot of other benefits to the human brain. She thought that I am a docile irrational human being who will fall for whatever she says, but I am not. Nor do I admire cold hearted behaviour like that.

However, her last experiment took place in front of me (her maid was the guinea pig) in her domicile, around five kilometers away from my place. Once the operation was over, the maid started walking normally, but suddenly the maid recoiled and fainted. “Madam”, I cried loud. All she said was, “She kicked the bucket”, an idiom I clearly understood. I seriously started doubting her medical origins. I started to dial Crime department’s number. The cops caught her and the next morning, she became a crime idol, America will never forget. Even now when I think of the incident, I panic, I dream lots about it and I can never forget it.

Question 1: Count and give me the number of me's. (lets call this number P).
Question 2: If you could finish question 1, you would have found the odd 1 out of the P-1. Think why P-1 and give me the number which is the odd 1.

Clue1: Me,myself !!!

I think this puzzle will appeal only to people who generally don’t put down their pens without solving a puzzle, once they start. I couldn’t solve the puzzle with the above clue alone. When you think of the clue 1, remember it is taken from Leo da Mirci’s book. Now, try it.

In case you find the answers please write only the answers (numbers alone) as comments. Don’t spoil the fun (if at all somebody thinks it is) by giving out the logic. I promise, I will really give the first person to write the right answers a big treat (a Regent or a GRT)!!!

If you still cannot do it with the above clue, look for the second clue in the first comment. Looking for the second clue will not take away the treat from you. (Obviously because I have no way to find out if you have gone for the second clue or not… So go for the second!!!)

Day 11 - A few poems...

2006-01-31T01:20:00.000+05:30

Saying something that affects the reader's heart so much can be done only by very few poets. Thaboo shankar is one of them. His கவிதைகள்(poems) have touched my heart so much. They cannot be termed poems in the real sense but they have a poetic touch in them. The fact that most of his(all that I have read) poems are based on love makes them more romantic. His poems are generally directed towards an imaginery lover. The stories in his poems make you feel like "Why aren't such things happening in our life?"

Here is one for example. This is what is scribbled by the guy on the birthday present he gives her...

பிறந்தநாள்


எல்லா நாட்களும் வருதப்படுகின்றன

உன் பிறந்த நாளாய் பிறந்திருக்க கூடாதா என்று...

Some other poems that I read recently from a book of Leo da Mirci are below.


பொய்


இரண்டாவது ஹார்ட் அட்டாக்கே சீரியஸ் என்கிறது மருத்துவம்...
சுத்த பொய்!!

நான் எத்தனை முறை உன்னை பார்த்திருப்பேன்?

கஷ்டமான கேள்வி



என் கண்கள் தினமும் எத்தனை முறை இமைக்கும் -
கேட்டால் சொல்லிவிடுவேன்...

உன்னை தினமும் எத்தனை முறை நினைக்கிறேன்
என்றல்லவா கேட்கிறாய்!!




கற்பனை

என் கற்பனை வளத்தை கொன்றவள் நீ

என் கற்பனைகள் உன்னைத் தாண்டிச் செல்ல மறுக்கின்றன...


காலங்கள்...

நீ என் முன் வரும் காலம் தான் - எனக்கு வருங்காலம்.

நம் சந்திப்பு நிகழும் காலம் தான் - எனக்கு நிகழ்காலம்.

நீ காதலை மறுத்தால் மட்டுமே நிகழும் - எனக்கு இறந்த காலம்.


கனவில் ஒரு கேள்வி



நன்றாக தூங்கிக் கொண்டிருந்தவனை எழுப்பினாய்...

ஏனொ மருத்துவம் சம்பந்தமாக கேள்வி கேட்கிறேன் என்றாய்.

"உன் உடல் symmetricஆ?" என்று கேட்டாய்.

"ஆம்" என்றேன் சிந்திக்காமல்.

"இல்லை.இதயம் இடது பக்கம்" என்றாய் -
என்னை வென்ற பெருமிதத்துடன்...

"என்னிடம் வலது பக்கமும் இருக்கிறது, உன் இதயம்" என்றேன்.

வெட்கப்பட்டாய்...

"வெட்கம் கூட இப்படி வெட்கப்பட்டிருக்காது" என்றேன்.

"காதல் கூட இப்படி காதலித்திருக்காது" என்றாய் -
இன்னும் வெட்கத்துடன்.

அலார மணியோசை நீ சொன்னதை உறுதிப்படுத்தியது.

தீவிரவாதம்

பார்வையில் அணுஅணுவாய் கதிர்வீச்சு பாய்தல்

விடைகள் கேட்டு விழி அம்பு எய்தல்

காகிதம் இன்றி (கேள்விக்)கணை தொடுத்தல்

உன் நினைவுச் சிறையில் என்னை அடைத்தல்

மோகம் பாய்தல் தேகம் சாய்தல்

உள்ளம் கடத்தல் உயிர் கொய்தல்

என் மனதில் தீவிர வாதம்...காதல் தீவிரவாதமா?

அத்திப்பூ

அத்தி பூத்தது...உன்னை பார்த்தது

பார்த்த நாள் முதல் - தினமும் பூத்தது!!!

Leo da Mirci would be more than happy to know what you think of his கவிதைகள். So please dont forget to comment.

Day 10 - From Chukku Kaapi to Cappuccino

2006-01-28T04:05:00.000+05:30

This blog was written because I was left with no work to do after coming back from Café Coffee day today. I always feel that blogs are written by people who have nothing else to do, but write blogs. And blogs are written for people who have nothing else to do, but read blogs. So if you have nothing else to do, continue reading.

Café Coffee Days in my life!!! I can’t believe it. Six, seven years back I would never have imagined that such a day would occur in my life. Café Coffee day is supposed to be a place where high class people who didn’t know how to spend the money they had, go. But now I am there… I have changed a lot since my school days.

As I said in my previous post, I never talked in English till the end of my 12th standard. May be in my primary school we talked in English a little bit... (Since girls were there in my primary school we used to talk in English… Mostly it was the “You go girl.” “Miss this boy no… he is stealing my pencil miss” and “Miss this boy is pinching me miss” type of pathetic English.). Till I went to college, I never read an English newspaper. I never knew who Sidney Sheldon was. I never saw English movies. “Star movies” was considered adult material at home. I never talked to a girl. I don’t feel that I missed anything…But still because I didn’t have such experiences, I had to adjust a lot when I traveled beyond Cornigela, my place.

Born in Cornigela, an ordinary conservative town, even Chennai took a lot of time for me to adjust. My home town was too cool. You could watch movies for 15 Rs. in an AC theatre. You get the best food at lowest prices. You can drink water wherever you want and it doesn’t affect you. Girls never wear T-shirts or Jeans. You can see girls in half-sarees. And there were a lot more things that were cool to me…My first costly experience as far as I can remember was my first Pizza.

In my 12th standard holidays I had my first Pizza. We, a group of 5 friends went to a bakery. It was around 7 p.m at night. We ordered our first Pizza (only one because it costed so much - 20Rs!!!). As the Pizza arrived one of the guys started using his hand to take out a piece. “Ley” ….The others shouted… “asingam pannatheylae. Fork kudupaanga”… We got 5 forks for eating one Pizza. Everybody tried taking out a piece with the fork. Nobody was successful. Stupid forks… As we were trying different methods, two girls came in, and took the table adjacent to ours. They seemed to be from the so called high class families in Cornigela. They ordered a Pizza. We were still trying to eat ours. Their Pizza arrived in their table. Unable to find a solution, we looked at them for one. One of the girls took out a piece with her hand and started eating it. Damn stupids we were!!! But what do we do now?? We can’t go back to the hand-intake method… We are brave!!! Luckily for us the power went off… Forks were put down and everybody started picking a piece with the hand. Our sole aim- finish it off before power comes back!!! Unlucky for us, power came back immediately… We had a piece each in our hands… The girls started laughing… People around us realizing what had happened too joined them…We promised we would never eat Pizzas again. But we all did.

The first change in lifestyle for me occurred in Chennai. Chennai was completely different. Watching a movie for Rs.40 was a one time life experience for most people in my village. I had to adapt to such things since I had to be a part of the group. Otherwise you feel let out. My habits started changing. For example, you look into the glass before drinking water to check whether it is clean. I went to my first Coffee Pub in Chennai. I remember saying some time back “Loosu paya thaan Coffee publa poi mukkaa manineram wait panni oru black coffeeya 50 Ruba kaasu kuduthu kudippaan” - I did it…

If Chennai was difficult for me, how easy would be an MBA school? I was dumbstruck with the culture… The Hi’s and the fundoo English speaking guys were all a great change, though I had expected it. There is a sense of hollowness when you say a Hi to somebody here. In Cornigela a smile was enough to say what you feel. There is real sense of belonging in a smile. I miss it - a smile without a Hi.

Here is an example to show how my family mindset is different from the mindset here. At the end of the first term when I went home, I showed quite a few photographs to my parents. In one photograph there was a guy who had his arms around a girl’s shoulder. My mother asked me whether they were in love. I said “No”. But even today she doesn’t believe me. She still feels that they are in love!!! If only she comes here(…

The mind works mechanically here - after you crack a joke you do what they call high fives!!! When you meet a person you ask something like “What’s up buddy?”- Only God knows how you are supposed to answer for such a question!!! You say “Excuse me” after a sneeze - What big mistake have you made to say that?? When you are ready to sacrifice ethics for grades and see even your closest friend as a competitor in group discussions, how much difference will that Excuse me make? Pretty difficult to adjust!!!

Even Café Coffee Days and costly dinners sometimes hurt. Daily my father takes a bus to reach home from his office because taking an auto would cost him Rs.30. He walks a kilometer daily from the bus stop to my house. When I think of that and the fact that I am spending Rs.50 for a Chocolate Fantasy, I feel uneasy. Definitely it is not a matter of money. The fact is that I somewhere in my heart feel that this is not really who I am…The fact that I have changed a lot hurts… I want to be the same myself, but I am unable to do so.

Started listing down a few things that have changed in my life. The left column is a list of things that were part of my life before I entered college. And the right are those that I came to know/were a part of my after I entered college.

I wish I go back to school and be the same guy I was. I know I can’t. But I want to do it and live the same life all again.

Leo da Mirci once said, “I love what I do because I do only what I love”.

If only following something is as simple as saying something!!!

Day 9 - Ambigrams & Anagrams

2006-01-20T01:08:00.000+05:30

A decision I took during my school days has been following me like a ghost till today and has been haunting me every now and then. During my school days for reasons unknown, I hd decided that I will not speak in English ever. This followed the very simple logic that one can live in this world without reading English novels or speaking in English. We are Tamilians, aren’t we?? We, at school used to make fun of all those guys who uttered even one word in English and called them all fools… Later I realized (during my campus intervews in college) who the real fool was…I realized that I had to improve my spoken English skils and vocabulary a lot. Though I have worked hard evr since I came out of college, I find it difficult to give a presentation even now. However there has been tremendous improvement between now and then. The biggest learning for me was that one shoul never underestimate the power of knowledge.

Ever since I started reading English novels (which was from October 2004), I have tried to find time to read more and more. So now I have got a chance to say Sidney Sheldon or Jeffrey Archer when somebdy asks who my favourite author is, instead of saying something like RajeshKumar or Sujatha, which is the truth. Ambigrams in Angels and Demons and anagrams in Da Vinci Code fascinated me like anything. Crypti crosswords, palindromes - everything in English fascinated me. I have always wanted to design an ambigram out of my name. Finally I did it. Though it might not be perfect, I have put it in here for you…

Coming back to the underestimation of power of knowledge,

Leo da Mirci often says that this happened in Mahabharatha… I don’t know how far it is true…

Dhuriyodhana underestimated the Paandavs because they were very few in number. He used to often make fun of them saying that the battle at Kurushetra was a battle between a few Paandavs and the mighty Gauravs. He failed to understand the fact that though the Paandavs were a few in numbers, they had the information and ability and also the power of Lord Krishna with them. Finally after Gauravs lost the battle, Krishna went to Dhuriyodhana and said,

“Now we few won”

- Now, that’s a palindrome to end this blog.

Day 8 - Once upon a time in Decilorf

2006-01-16T20:42:00.000+05:30

“Get them as friends who want to get you as friends” – Leo da Mirci often says.

This year didn’t start well for me, at least in this regard. I broke the first New Year resolution I ever made, and that too in a day. I couldn’t wish the first person I wanted to wish. I didn’t wish my best friend on his birthday. I didn’t make the only call I want to make in life and the first journey I made this year made me feel lonely. Really I feel like getting back on time and trying to start the year better.

Every year is strange to me. Every day is strange to me. They start different, they give me different experiences and end different. Today too was. I feel like I am back to grad. college days. I am awake when the day starts, I cut morning classes, I don’t study for exams and finally now I am hearing ‘Ninaivugal nenjinil pudhaindhadhanaal’ from Autograph.

‘Enai vaasikka mannil evarumillai
Enakke enakke ennai pidikkavillai
Kaaranam kettaal theriyavillai’

I feel like I want to go another world. I have always wanted to be in a different world. It is a world where everybody is equal. I call this place Decilorf.

There is no competition, hatred or injustice there. People fly with the wind and walk over the sea. Everybody understands every language. Nobody owns anything. Everything is available free of cost. Wherever you go you get a house to stay and whenever you want you get food to eat. Diseases, infections and viruses don’t exist. You get medicine to lessen your sorrows. There are no exams, cases, GDs and interviews. All jobs are paid the same. You get “Ananda Vikatan” all the time.

You can go home whenever you want, in a second. You can talk to your parents whenever you want. You can go back on time and apologize for your mistakes. You can go back on time and correct your mistakes. You can go back on time and mend relationships. Friends are always there for you. Friends never complain. Friends are committed. Friends don’t commit mistakes.

You can be at two places at the same time. When you have classes you still can be eating dinner with your parents. Mobile phones do not interrupt you when you want to be alone. Mobile phones do not interrupt others when you want them to be with you. Children play games, play games and only play games. Children are always happy and parents are never unhappy with their children. Nobody smokes, nobody drinks and nobody misbehaves there. Everyone knows every other person. Everyone loves every other person.

And finally the only two things that I fear in my life don’t happen in Decilorf…

Death of the people I love most and death (rejection) of my love.

The following is a dialogue between me and Leo da Mirci a few months before he went on Coma.
===============================================================
Leo: I loved my girl so much that I couldn’t express it to her.
Me: Oh!!! the age old funda… Love can never be expressed in words... isn’t it?
Leo: No…No…
Me: Then what? You love your girl so much… and didn’t you want to experience the happiness of hearing a Yes from her?
Leo: Yes I did… But…still I didn’t propose…Because I would never ever want the experience of hearing a No from her…I was ready to sacrifice anything, for not hearing a No…I sacrificed hearing a Yes!!!
===============================================================

Of course like you I felt that Leo da Mirci is a coward…But still sometimes I feel that he is brave to take such a decision.

Day 7 - The Real Bond

2005-12-20T01:07:00.000+05:30

“A minute may be sixty seconds but sixty seconds is not minute. That is a Real-Time system in one sentence!!”

- Leo da Mirci in his book on “Programming Real-Time Operating Systems”

I had recently attended a quiz which had a question on James Bond movies. Since then I had been thinking of how a James Bond movie should be. This is how a good Bond movie should be… The first version of the script for the movie is here. Recommendations and feedback will be taken positively. So please give the recommendations you have and changes that you would like to make. The movie is named ‘The Real Bond’.

The Real Bond - the story of how James Bond joined TCS

James Bond was walking down the Bond Street in London. He was in a gloomy mood. On the way he saw a tea shop serving Indian made Brooke Bond Tea. Drinking the tea, he was thinking of his physical bond with Samantha Bond which had resulted in a big confusion inside his mind. He had decided to practice self bondage for the next few months. Also, he had to find a person who can sign a surety bond for the loan he got for his new house. But his immediate assignment was different. He had to release the bonded labourers from Gold Coast Australia. He went to Gold Coast Australia and his first mission was to interview the students of Bond University, Australia.

Bond got all the information he wanted. He even got some information on valence bond theory of chemical bonding which he did not want. After getting all the information from the University he realized that the villains were currently hiding in the Bond Place Hotel, Toronto. He took an immediate flight to Toronto. He went to his room, switched on the music player, heard a few songs of Bond, the Australian string quartet and slept off. The next day he woke up only to find that he was in jail. The Canadian police had arrested him thinking that he was a terrorist on a tip from the villains. He had to call one of his friends, who got him out on a bail bond of 5000 Canadian Dollars. Furious he took his gun, went to the Bond Place hotel, and after a few fight sequences arrested all the villains. The bonded labourers were released the next day in Australia.

Bond returned back to London to find that the fixed bond he had taken 10 years back had matured. This would mean that he would get the 200000 dollars he needed for his new house and he no longer needed a surety bond for his loan. Though happy, he found that something else, was bugging him. Yes, it was his emotional bond with Samantha Bond. To get out of his psychological bonding with Samantha Bond he decided to move to India, a very calm place and get a new job. He submitted his resignation letter the next day, neatly drafted in an Executive Bond paper. Finally he came down to India, and is now working for a software company. No wonder he working for TCS on a one year bond.

The film ends with James Bond saying the following quote of Leo da Mirci when he starts for work.

“Bonding is an art. Book binding is also an art. Bonds are bonds only till you bind by them. Books are bound only if you bind them. Human beings should be bonded well for better quality of life. So, to improve the quality of life all you need is two human beings, a knife, two pieces of cardboard, some cloth tape, a little bit of glue”

Post Script (literally and logically): All Bonds given in the script are real and do exist. Obviously, I googled to get them.

Day 6 - Leo da Mirci

2005-12-18T19:39:00.000+05:30

And Void - were the last words of Leo da Mirci before he went into a coma on December 10, 2005. After repeated requests from a lot of people who did not know who Leo da Mirci was, I tried getting more information on Leo da Mirci. Surprisingly, yesterday I received a call from Sophie Burne from England asking me about Leo da Mirci. Considering the gravity of the situation and the importance some people give to Leo da Mirci, I am publishing the details.

Leo da Mirci (pronounced Leo daa Mirchi and sometimes Leo daa Mirsi)

Leo da Mirci is one of the finest thinkers of the world. He was born in a small town in India on April 25, 1785. He is multifaceted and holds degrees and diplomas in almost every form of arts and science.

Leo da Mirci's lectures and books are still used as study material by the top B-schools in the world and his thoughts on psychology have got him a lot of followers. He is supposedly the finest of thinkers that India has ever produced. Even today his quotes are widely used by the the true intellects of the world.

Powers

Leo da Mirci is supposed to have got his powers when he was 21 years old. He was able to recognise it only when he attended the National Youth Congress meeting during March 1812. Since then, he had no looking back. He has been invited by almost every top institute in the world to give an inaugural address.

Books

Some of the most famous books by Leo da Mirci include

1. Running, Jogging and Blogging

2. Remain inside the marine (A book on anagrams).

3. Think! Even when you blink

4. Mind is the best garbage collector - (How to use Java's garbage collector for reading the brain - A book on the computer applications of medicine)

5. Made in Manapparai - a book on Murukku, a South Indian delicacy

6. Count your buttons before you dress

7. The Da Mirci Code - A detailed list of pincodes of Indian cities compiled by Leo da Mirci

Life

Inspite of all this Leo da Mirci prefers a calm life in his birth town in India. He is modest and humble. People who know him love him a lot for his energetic and lively demeanor. The fact that he is still alive is by itself a miracle to a lot of people.

It was very difficult for me to hear that Leo da Mirci was admitted in Asclepius Hospitals, Cornigela for an unidentified disease in the hippocampus of the brain. It is ironical that the person who did a lot of research on hippocampus and its relation with Alzheimer’s disease, suffers from such a problem. He is in the state of Coma as the whole world is praying for him. Let us too pray for him for a minute.

Day 5 - Null and Void

2005-12-11T08:05:00.000+05:30

‘In life there are a lot of things that you never forget. You are the only thing that I never want to forget.’
- A dialogue from Leo da Mirci’s movie “Dreams always remain dreams’.

Whenever I talk, I want to talk about you.
Whenever I write, I want to write about you.
Whenever I go out with friends, I wish it were you and me alone.
Whenever I walk alone, I wish you were there to talk with me.
Whenever people congratulate me, I wish you were around giving me a smile.
Whenever I experience newness, I wish you were by my side.
Whenever I watch a movie, I wish I could talk to you about it.
Whenever I write something on my diary, I wish I could share it with you in the future.
Whenever I see a girl in a saree, I imagine how you would look in it.
Whenever a girl talks to me, I wish there was only one girl in the world and it was you.
Whenever I look at my photograph, I wish we both were there in it.
Whenever I think, I think of you.
Whatever I read, I get reminded of you.
Whenever I think of you, I am afraid of losing you.
Whenever I am alone, I wish 'I' were 'We'.
Whenever I cry, I wish I had your shoulder.
Whenever I go to class, I wish you were in my class.
Whenever I have chocolates, I remember that we have a lot in common.
Whenever I hear songs, I remember our favorite song.
Whenever I read poems, I remember that we love the same poets.
Whenever I hear somebody speak, I think of how well you can speak.
Whenever I see children, I imagine how you would look carrying a baby.
Wherever I see beauty, I wish you were there to make it more beautiful.
Wherever I see white, I imagine you in the white night dress, when you looked like an angel.

Quizzes, Competitions, English, Poems, Children, Chocolates, Crosswords, Sudoku, Medicine, Basketball, Presentations, Movies, Music, Colours, Flowers - everything remind me of you.

Whenever it is, wherever I am, whatever I do, you are always there with me, in my thoughts. Never go away from me. Even if you think of it, I'll die. Even when I die, I want you to be near me, by my side. With me, always.

I wrote this a long time back... I thought I would share this with her and only with her.
Now, that I lost the only thing that I ever wanted to have in my life... it is here... in this blog having no meaning; null and void.

Day 4 - The failure of a half boil

2005-11-13T22:55:00.000+05:30

Friends - again and again this point has been repeated by many scholars. Still I repeat. Because, if I repeat I could be considered to be a scholar. I was frustrated after reading my previous blog. It was too stupid. Hence I came up with this blog, one hour after completing the previous one. This blog is dedicated to the people who fail in life, those who fail in exams, those who fail in interviews and those who fail in anything, including those who fail to fail(dedicated to everybody basically).

Victory and loss, success and failure, love and hate, omelette and half boil, egg white and egg yolk are all two sides of the same coin. As human beings, we all understand this. What we don’t understand is which coin it is and which side each of them are? The difference between victory and loss, between success and failure is the same as that between omelette and half boil and that between egg white and egg yolk. An omelette is made up of the same egg as a half boil. But it has additional ingredients like onion, tomato, is beaten up a lot before becoming an omelette and is fried a longer time than a half boil. Success is like that. Though two persons might have the same potential, only if you work hard, work for more time will you achieve success.

However, people who think success is achievement, god save you!! You are wrong!! Since we have considered success as an omelette and failure as a half boil, we can prove this. Look at the difficulties in making a half boil.

1. The stove has to be heated at the right temperature. Otherwise either the half boil is half baked or 1.5(over) baked.

2. While breaking the egg we have to make sure that the egg yolk remains intact. This need not be the taken care of for an omelette because the omelette is anyway going to be beaten up again.

3. The egg yolk in a half boil needs to be at the center. Precautions have to be taken so that it symmetric. Otherwise it does not look beautiful. Omelettes never look beautiful.

4. Necessary care should be taken to make sure that the egg yolk does not burst. If it does it becomes a new dish and it no longer qualifies to be a half boil.

5. Taking the half boil from the stove is the most difficult step of making a half boil. Even experienced hands tend to make mistakes in this stage. Transfer of half boil from the stove to the plate and then from the plate to the mouth are complex processes than many manufacturing processes.

Now, one clearly understands that it is difficult to make a half boil than an omelette. Hence it is hereby concluded that it is difficult to fail than succeed. So those who fail should be given more marks and grades than those who succeed. They should not stop on failures but work hard to fail more and more. They should believe that they can fail. Self belief is very important if one has to fail. People who fail should motivate other people to fail.

Leo da Mirci once in his inaugural address in the University of Mesopotamia in 1845 said ‘Sisters and brothers of Mesopotamia!! Life is a play. We are all players in it. We play music and at the same time we play football. Musicians play for films which are shown in a cinema theater and football players get injured and go to an operation theater. Life is therefore a game played between musicians and football players in theaters.’
I hope that the students of the University of Mesopotamia understood the meaning of these words, applied it in their lives and failed so that they could achieve something in life.

Day Three - Friendship, Infatuation and Love

2005-11-13T20:28:00.000+05:30

‘Do not run behind any girl. You might overtake her. Then she will have to run behind you’

- Leo da Mirci in his book “Running, Jogging and Blogging”

If every person in this world understands this concept nobody will have a problem with girls/love. Here in my MBA School I come across a lot of couples, triples and polyples. It has actually made me think a lot about love, infatuation and friendship. What is the exact difference between all these?

When I was in my college I had been with one of my close friends who fell in love and couldn’t succeed in getting the girl to accept him. He couldn’t even succeed in love, for he fell in love with another girl in a year. So how much does love really mean to people in this world?

Love vs. Infatuation

Physical attraction is where ‘infatuation’ starts.

The way a person

Looks

Dresses

Speaks and

Behaves

gives us an impression of the person. If only the above factors and the impression thus created give rise to a feeling, I call it infatuation. Since infatuation is based on how a person is perceived and not on what really a person is, infatuation stays only as long as the above factors remain the same. Infatuation ends when

There is a change in the above factors

You lose touch with the above factors(basically the person)

You realize what a person really is and further realize that what is more important than how.

Some of the people in my B-school, I hear had a relationship before coming to campus and another here on campus. The relationship was disturbed/ got broken in a few months. The reason for the break and the new start, I believe is because they lost touch with the guy/girl. Infatuation needs constant reinforcement of the above factors to sustain. Even a small change creates a big difference.

Love, if true cannot be expressed and described. It needs nothing except one person to sustain.

Friendship vs. (True) Love

The most important difference between friendship and love is that ‘a person can have more than one friend but only one lover’. I am not joking. Only a few things fall under the ‘only’ category for a person. Mostly parents and sometimes siblings, school and job fall under this category. However one does not have a say in choosing most of these. The only ‘only’ thing whom you get to choose is your lover / life partner. The feeling of ‘He/She is my ………..’ is true for both friendship and love. But the feeling of ‘He/She is only mine’ is true only for love. Love gives you a special happiness of owning a person. The responsibility of owning a person and the happiness of somebody owning you is there only in love. True love never departs. It might be lingering around somewhere in some corner of your mind throughout your life.

Before writing this blog, I asked Leo da Mirci about what he fells about friends who fall in love (Piriyatha varam vendum style) and the only thing he told me was

‘If your love is reciprocated, he/she will be your best friend for life. If your love is not reciprocated you can/should never be friends again.’

Day Two - Idli Sambhar

2005-11-10T11:30:00.000+05:30

Understanding this blog might be a little difficult for ordinary human beings. If you reach the end of this blog pat yourself. You are a genius.

After a long time I played badminton yesterday. I played it for a long time yesterday. Not only because I had not played it for a long time, but because I wanted to play badminton for a long time since I stopped playing, but got a chance only yesterday.

My inspiration for crazy things was through of a friend of mine in college called Santosh. We started with things like 'An apple a day keeps a doctor away. But a doctor a day does not keep an apple away'. People thought we were crazy. But they later realized that they were wrong. After all this is what they called logical reasoning in CAT. I am not kidding. This really helped me a lot in CAT. One of the most crazy logical reasonings I have ever heard is from the movie 'Pammal K Sambandham' - "Kaathaadikku vaal irukkungurathukkaha kurangu parakkuma?" (Can a monkey fly just because a kite has a tail?). Incidentally 'Crazy' Mohan who came up with that was from my college, College of Engineering Guindy.

I wanted every blog of mine to have a theme. The theme for this blog is 'Idli Sambhar'. Let me start with Idli Sambhar and find where it goes. Idli and Sambhar form a very good combination. Idli is one of the favourite South Indian dishes. However China dishes are more popular in the world than South Indian dishes. Here we have to note the fact that China dishes could be made in places other than China whereas a Polar bear is found only in the poles. Since the earth has atleast two poles, the north and the south I hope that the earth is minimum bipolar. I used to call my aunts minimum, if she it is my mother's younger sister or maximum if she is my mother's elder sister. Actually one of my minimums(mother's sister) is a sister(nun) and hence I have decided to call her sister-square. The word square takes different meanings in different contexts. Take for example 'Anna Square'. It is called so in remembrance of only one 'Anna' but still it is called Anna square. The only reasoning I can think for the two Annas - One is the one who is dead and the other is the one who still lives in the hearts of some people. Marina beach is in Anna square. It is one of the longest beaches in the world. That is because many people in Tamilnadu long to see it and because of financial constraints they are not able to see it. I think any ordinary human being can relate to their emotions - 'Inability to see and Inability to see the sea'. 'All people are emotional. Some are more emotional than others'. Look at the beauty of the English language. When you replace(use Ctrl + H) emotional in the above reasoning with equal it becomes a famous quote. If you need some help with replacing things, or any other help for that matter just press the key F1. I am not talking about Formula 1, which is a key topic for the press. If there is one and only one formula (if you believe F1 is a fact) how will the whole world survive(especially Mathematics teachers)?. They would have no occupation at all. They will have to become entrepreneurs and finally end up working as cleaners or cooks in local restaurants(ada kaiyenthi bhavans) cleaning china dishes or making Idlis and Sambhar.

Well that is all about Idlis and Sambhar. I think by now you all have a fair idea of Idlis and Sambhars and so I take leave. After writing this blog I realize how true Leo da Mirci is when he says,

'Time never runs. People run. That is why no person in this world has time. So if you want to have time, don't run.'

Day One - Drops of Pain

2005-11-08T11:38:00.000+05:30

Today is Monday. All Mondays are Mondays. I woke up at 7 a.m in the morning and had some idlis. After having idlis, I didnot know what to do and so went to sleep again. I thought I would get some rest by sleeping. When I woke up at 11:40 a.m I was surprised to find that I was more tired than I was at 7. Sometimes I make mistakes. The mistakes I make can be divided into two types, idiotic mistakes and intelligent mistakes. Today's mistake was of the former type.

I was trying to cry two days back but couldn't cry. I realised that I have changed a lot. Six, seven years back I used to cry for almost everything. I feel that I have forgotten the concept of 'feelings' in my mind now. Ellaam marathu pochu. Earlier when my friends have a problem and share it with me, I too feel for them. But now!! I am analysing it as if it is a 'case study' and trying to bring out points which could help them. Though it helps the person, still there is some part in my mind which says, "To hell with you… Your friends have a problem and you dont/ cant even feel for them".

I tried to bring up some of the 'only' things that made me cry..

1. Novel - 'The Bleachers' by John Grisham
2. Art - 'Eendra Pozhuthil' by one of my friends
3. Rejection - When 'Infosys' rejected me on campus
4. Eyes - My dad's when I saw his eyes moist the first and only time
5. Comedy - 'Friends'

Now, some of the things that made me cry the most...

1. Movies - Anbe Sivam, Manathil Uruthi Vendum, Unnal Mudiyum Thambi, Azhagi, Autograph, 7/G Rainbow Colony, Schindler's List and I am Sam. When I watched 'I am Sam' there was not even a single second when I did not cry. When I watched 'Autograph' I cried till I reached my house. The top spot would go to '7/G rainbow Colony' since I cried all the six times I watched the movie.
2. The first year(home sickness) and the last 2 years(self sickness) at graduation.
3. 'Jai Jawan' on NDTV.
4. Songs - 'Tholvi Nilaiyana' from Oomai Vizhigal, 'Raasave', 'Vetti Veru' and 'Poongatru' from Mudhal Mariyadhai

May be I dont cry now because all my feelings are compressed and stored in one single feeling and one single person. Even now during SIP, I never felt rejection; only felt disappointment. May be because nothing else is rejection to me. May be because, nobody else can reject me. I am waiting for the day when I will be rejected/accepted.

As Leo da Mirci says..

'The peak of pain is to sit just beside the person you love and know the fact that the person can never be yours'

I dont think any person in the world understands this.

Day Zero

2005-11-06T23:43:00.000+05:30

This is my first blog. I recently read 2 postings on 2 different blogs. One was titled "Seven Elements" and the other was about a "Dream". Those two blogs inspired me to start my own blog. Just like those blogs, this blog is not going to be useful to anybody. I am going to make it as stupid as possible. But I will make sure that only the most intelligent understand the stupidity in it.

I have named it "crazemaze" because I am crazy. I could not find a rhyming word for 'crazy'. so i decided that 'craze' would convey almost the same meaning as 'crazy'. The first word I could think of that was rhyming with craze was "maze". This was not a well thought decision but I am happy about it. On hindsight I might feel that my decision was bad but I don't mind because I know that I don't have the foresight to think about hindsight. The crazy stuff starts from Day 1. Wait for it.

As the great scholar and the greatest person ever to have lived on earth, Leo da Mirci says

"Nothing is not just a word. It is a way of life. When life if full of love, nothing remains silent. When life is full of dreams, nothing flies. When life itself is nothing, nothing is still and nothing reamins still. What I mean to say is - Nothing is derived from two words no & thing".

Lets all accept the truth in the above words and worship Leo da Mirci.